The level of stupidity that exists in our society never ceases to amaze Turtleboy. The other day the Charlton Police Department put this form on their Facebook page, urging drug dealers to come forward to report competitor drug dealers who are cutting into their profits:
Ahhh yes, I get it. Very amusing. Now any normal person looks at this and realizes that it’s obviously “tongue in cheek.” Clearly the Charlton Police Department does not expect to be flooded with forms from drug dealers hoping to drive their competitors out of business.
First of all, towns like Charlton have their fair share of drug problems, but they’re not exactly the drug dealers you see in all the movies. Mostly it’s kids going through their parents medicine cabinets and taking those pills you never finished when you had a hernia surgery back in 98. That’s how it starts until they get over their fear of the needle and realize that heroin does the exact same thing except for a much more reasonable price than the kid in your 6th period English class is charging for his parents painkillers.
But it’s a funny, harmless little form that MAYBE, just MAYBE some dumbass out there will be foolish enough to fill out. Probably not, but what the heck? Even if it doesn’t work at least it’s good fodder.
I assumed we all understood what the purpose of this was, but I forgot that unfortunately America is filled with brilliant scholars who can’t help but express themselves on the Internet. First there were the people who don’t understand blatant satire:
Yea, that’s exactly what they’re gonna do. When someone fills out one of these forms on your grandmother, they’re gonna send the SWAT Team in there, no questions asked. That’s what’s gonna happen. Hopefully they will reconsider now that you’ve brought this up.
Then there was the “why are we helping the police” crowd:
The only thing funnier than some genius on the Internet who thinks “God forsakes” is a thing people say, is when 15 people like it. You gotta love these people’s view of reality. Cops should magically fight crime without any help from the community. If you see something, don’t tell the cops. They should have to figure it out on their own like it’s a level 5 sudoku. In the meantime criminals can run wild. Because….fuck the police!!
Then there was the “this could have dangerous consequences” crowd:
Ummmm, yea. Have you lovely ladies ever been to Charlton? The biggest drug dealer in C-Town is CVS. It’s pretty much impossible to live in Charlton and be a legitimate bad ass. Yes, people do own guns in Charlton, but those who do have licenses to carry, don’t hold their guns sideways, and use them for killing deer, not other drug dealers. Just like any small town there are suburban kids in these communities who fancy themselves “gangstas” because they loosely use the “n” word on social media. They pose no immediate threat to the community though and are only here for our amusement.
Then there was this guy:
Yea…..that’s the joke Hess – they’re hoping someone is dumb enough to fill out this form. SMH. Poor guy.
Then there were the ones who don’t think police should double as entertainers:
She sounds like she’s fun to be around at parties. Don’t tell her about the Bridgewater Police Twitter page!!
And I’m not quite sure what the hell my girl Jeanne is talking about:
Oh snap!!! She’s right. The Charlton Police clearly meant for this form to be kept hidden and secretive. That’s why they shared it on their Facebook page. Because no one ever goes on Facebook.
And now for something completely different:
The bottom line is, props to the Charlton Police Department for having a sense of humor. Turtleboy thought it was funny, even if Internet blowhards didn’t. The only thing that would be funnier is if people actually started filling these things out. Until then, good luck trying to find out who burned down that wine farm.