After publishing the blog about Petey Pubestache’s pathetic and contradictory whining about Dunkins forcing employees to work without hazard pay while also complaining that they’re not open late enough to get a lemon water, Petey Pubes spent the entire day posting about Turtleboy, commenting on our page, and making videos that made it clear he was NOT fucking around.
“I hope someone beats the shit out of you because you fucking deserve it dude for picking on a mentally disabled autistic gay bro. And outing me on your article with my rainbow thing on my picture. You literally outed me in my article. Nobody needs to fucking know that I’m gay. Like, nobody. And you put that picture on your article.”
“You better shut the fuck up before thumb buddy beaths yo ath.”
It’s not every day you get threatened in a lisp by an unemployed suddenly autistic gay man (don’t worry, he’s not really autistic so it’s OK to mock him for that). No one had any idea he was a bum bandit prior to that video. Where would I ever get that idea from?
He did a follow up too.
“So you better watch you ath man cuz you’re picking on someone who has autism so you better fucking watch it dude. Because…I’m telling you, watch yo back because there’s more of us than you, so you better watch it.”
Oh snap!! Now I got the entire autistic gay mafia after me.
For the record, he literally started at Dunkins less than two weeks ago and was already whining that they weren’t giving him sick days or hazard pay.
Oh, and somehow during that time he’s admitted to spitting in multiple people’s drinks, including his principal from Grafton High School.
He also wants $1,000 a month since he had to register for the draft when he turned 16.
As usual, I offered to let him come on the live show, share his side of the story, express his grievances, call me a kiddie diddling asshole, or whatever ratchets usually do. This is an open platform and all are invited. But he was too much of a bitch ath to come on so his boy Alex Cohen offered too represent him.
He came on the live show last night at the 37:30 mark in a vain attempt to make sense and failed miserably.
Axl Foreclose here is apparently in a band or something.
Which is what white losers from the burbs do when it does’t make sense to pursue a rap career. His music is exactly as awful as you imagined it would be.
Anyway, my conversation with Petey Pubestache lasted the entire day and as you will see in our messages he never ended up coming on for the following reasons:
- He wanted $4,000
- He accused me of outing him even though he’s openly gay and has gay pride stuff all over his page
- He doesn’t have any money but he’s hiring an attorney to sue me for hate speech
- He’s filing a report with the AG
- He’s upset that I routinely use words that I never use, like fudge packer
- He’s all of a sudden autistic
- He wants me to come on his podcast instead
- I am to blame for mean comments left by anonymous shitposters
- He said I’m homophobic even though my good friend Matty Mo is gay
- He might get beat up for being gay
- This is all Trump’s fault
- I’m a “breeder” which is a term for heterosexual people since we possess the capacity to reproduce and butt play does not
- He’s oppressed and making a documentary about it
- He feels unsafe in his house and has armed himself for turtle rider invasion
- Even though he’s not working and has nothing to do his “time is money”
- He has a “becheler’s of science” but can’t keep a job at Dunkins
- Abi sexually harassed him by telling him he was cute when he messaged the Turtle Boy Sports Forever Facebook page
Just another day in the life of the turtle.
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