Pyramid Scheme Patty Posts Viral Facebook Lie About Her Crotch Fruits Attempted Kidnapping At Leominster Mall To Drive Traffic To Her Hair Coloring “Business”  


You’d think that after a year or so of Pumpkin Spice fake news stories that have been thoroughly debunked not only by us here at Turtleboy, but by the police themselves, that people would stop falling for the “someone done tried to snatch muh crotch fruits” viral Facebook lies. Then Hailey Nogler from Ayer posted this gem about half of her litter of raw dog trophies nearly being kidnapped at the Whitney Field Mall in Leominster, and got exactly the kind of reaction she wanted.

Oh fuck off already. No one wants to snatch your stupid kids. They aren’t the Obama girls. They have no value on the free market, and we know you can’t afford to pay a ransom anyway because you live in Ayer.

There’s a million signs here that let you know how insufferable this woman is:

  1. She refers to the event as “terrifying Mama moment.”
  2. She calls her crotch fruits her “kiddos.”
  3. She calls herself a “boss babe” and a “Momma bear” of “4 cubs” in her Facebook profile.
  4. She attends a church where the “pastor” preaches in a t-shirt and blue jeans.

Either this event either never happened and she made the whole thing up, or she grossly misinterpreted something that happened in a parking lot. My money is on the former. We know that the Leominster Police have no reports of anything like this happening, so her story about calling them doesn’t hold water.

But facts don’t matter anymore, and all these obnoxious Karen’s clutched their pearls harder than a teenage boy when he first discovers Pornhub.

Err muhhh guuuddd!!!

Ladies, this is why there is a wage gap. This is why we could not vote until 1920. Not because men put us down, but because too many of us are so fucking stupid it hurts. You never, ever, ever see a group of men blindly falling for a viral Facebook bullshit lie like this one. Ever. It’s always women. Always. I sincerely despise all of you for what you’ve done to our gender.

The post had almost 1,000 shares in less than 2 hours, which Hailey was actively promoting. And when you got to her page you saw this…..

Oh look, she sells hair products on Facebook. How original. Good thing I was redirected here because I couldn’t find anywhere else on earth to purchase hair coloring, and totally wanted to follow this skag so I can get bombarded with spam every day. Almost as if the entire purpose of her post was to go viral in order to get people to buy into whatever pyramid scheme bullshit she’s peddling.

What really pisses me off about this isn’t just how it puts woman back 50 years, it’s the fact that they use social media to stoke fear and attack people who are completely innocent simply because of how they look. Like how this basic bitch commented with “Was it these people?”

And posted another viral post from another attention starved dry twat, defaming some poor guy who allegedly tried to kidnap her poon polyp at the same mall.

That guy’s crime was having a beer belly and wearing a batman tank top to the mall. And because of that some crusty cuntsicle in the food court took his picture, shamed him on social media, and spread a completely baseless story that he kidnaps children.

I know we said we were done with these kind of stories, but this one just got to me. Fuck each and every person that participates in these lies.

Update: Leominster Police are now claiming that this woman did call them, but that the dispatcher did not properly log the call. They did not say that they instructed her not to go back to the mall, nor do they say that there was any legitimacy to her claims.



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53 Comment(s)
  • Basic Becky checklist
    August 5, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    Dirty sweatshirt
    Long dry scarecrow hair
    Ugly glasses
    Facebook attention whore
    Pyriamid scheme job
    Fake victim stories
    Never married single mom
    Constant public warning posts
    Athleisure wardrobe only
    Liberal retweets
    Annoyingly trendy baby names.

    You get the point. These chics are everywhere! She’s basic.

  • Sigmund Freud M.D.
    August 5, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    Your projecting your freedom fantasies onto imaginary boogiemen. You don’t enjoy motherhood and want to return to an adolescent state without resposibilities so you dream of your children dissappearing obsessively so much so that you have confused fantasy and reality. The reality is NO ONE wants your kids including you. That will be $200 and close the door behind you it’s time for my afternoon cocaine.

    August 4, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    This is probably one of the most disgusting and humiliating posts I have seen so far on online media. The fact that it is 2019 and you think it is still okay to not only degrade, but mock a woman who was put into an extremely scary situation is volatile. Every single day millions of people are involved in sex trafficking suffering from the worst abuse possible. Hailey is related to my best friend and I have met her many times. The last thing she is is a liar. In fact, she’s an extremely strong and smart woman and an excellent mother. You’re not just insulting one woman, you’re insulting all women. The United States constitution serves to provide equality FOR ALL. I don’t know if you know what that means (obviously you don’t because you’re an idiot) but that means equality for ALL genders and ALL races. You’re part of the problem that our society faces. The ignorant and selfish people who demean someone because of their gender. What if it was a man that this happened to? It would be believable right? You are profiting off of slander, which is illegal as you hopefully know. I hope you eventually learn to have at least a little bit of human decency. Karma is a bitch and she’s coming for you.

    • Drama queen bff alert
      August 5, 2019 at 7:06 pm

      You and your friend are wack and don’t represent all women. Realize most of the comments dragging her are by other women including this one! Now get off your phone and pay attention to your own kids for once you facebook addict.

    • Never ever ever post when your panties are twisted
      August 10, 2019 at 2:24 am

      Wow a lot of pent up anger, frustration and profiling there in your post!!! You should reign yourself in before attacking turtle riders , which is never a good thing.
      And No gender profiling here, now behave yourself!!!
      I don’t discriminate, nor am I prejudiced… I am an equal opportunity caller of bullshitters and I give everyone the opportunity to be called out, criticized, mocked or hated equally. Yes, EQUALLY…if the individual who posted this story was a male or an yet-to-be identified as, the story would still have been picked apart exactly how it was! No ifs ands nor buts about it. They are treated equally because *idiots* are just that, and do not have to fit into any one gender or class as you seemed to imply. Calm your hate and do some soul searching. I think there is something deeper here than just you having your panties in a twist. I’ll pray for you

  • Lar
    August 3, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    White mothers 18-49 – please, please, pretty please stop referring to your children as your “kiddos”.

  • Gitty
    August 2, 2019 at 1:00 am

    How does the way a pastor dresses matter? Church isn’t a fashion show.

  • Tupper hair
    August 1, 2019 at 9:47 pm

    Hair dye is $4 at walmart why the fuck would anyone go on facebook and pay way more? Same goes for those fugly leggings they all push at 4 times the real price! You’d make more as a cashier at walmart than these tupperware reboot schemes.

  • Jay
    August 1, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    “Kiddos” and “mama bear” . I officially cannot take anyone serious when I hear that

  • SassySwede
    August 1, 2019 at 5:04 pm

    1. Who goes to an empty mall parking lot to give the “kiddos” their drinks and snacks?? Not like you’re on a cross country car trip…I’m pretty sure the little creatures can make it home without dying.
    2. Majority of minivans do not have working windows except for the front unless you buy top tier so, the other one of the littlest, Willy it was?, [insert eye roll here] was in the passenger front I’m pretty sure it’s a 90% chance they couldn’t snatch him from his car seat. Unless of course her monsters ride without approved seats and/or belts.
    3. She thought nothing of a car coming straight at her “in an empty lot”?? Ooh that’s right, I forgot she has smile worthy rugrats. Must be, if they can radiate right thru closed windows and metal from waaay over there!
    4. Based on all the holes and questionable facts I can see, she should trade in her “I’m going to pay this company to let me call myself an employed Boss Babe” and start writing science fiction or kiddy tales.

    Ooh Toto…will we ever see auntie em again…?

  • Missed oportunities
    August 1, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    All these stay at home moms want income without working hours at a job. So they spend all day with pyramids schemes like lularoe and end up being duped customers like other poster said. In 70’s and 80’s any woman on my street home with small kids did daycare for 1 or 2 kids until she went back to hourly work. Now they claim they all looooove kids so much but they don’t want to watch anyone elses for $! Your home anyway what’s the difference? Making that 4th pb&j is gonna kill you?

  • Paparazzi
    August 1, 2019 at 1:37 pm

    So much for going incognito. First he’s openly commenting on Turtleboy and now he’s walking the mall in partial uniform.

  • z
    August 1, 2019 at 1:20 pm

    I’m surprised she didn’t state that defended her kids with nunchucks and brass knuckles and “God Decided” that she was going to win that fight.

  • z
    August 1, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    If “This is the guy in the Bat Man shirt” is really a guy that did what she claims he did, then the cops should have been notified. Surveillance cameras would have trailed him to his car. Maybe wouldn’t have got the plates, but make and model and year are doable.

  • JimmyBooms
    August 1, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    That was 1 of the best written articles I have read in last few months. That was pretty well done. I enjoyed it.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    August 1, 2019 at 11:50 am

    What a harrowing ordeal Hailey. I will be sure to warn all my Mama friends that child traffickers are in the area. Were the suspects wearing MAGA hats?

    • Dr Girlfriend
      August 1, 2019 at 1:24 pm

      They weren’t wearing MAGA hats, sporting “pride” garb undoubtedly. Lulz

  • Wwy
    August 1, 2019 at 11:43 am

    Good for her lots of Jew diddlers in America. Kraft,Epstein,Dershowitz,Weinstein,wiener and anyone with an extra large nose or a rabbi.

  • Aonaöe
    August 1, 2019 at 11:34 am

    I have already bought 500 cases at the Power Executive Level and have almost lost dozens of crotchfuits to kidnappings please look at my hair colors I am a boss with so much free family time my disposable income is off the chain let me tell you how you can get in on this action

    • Real mama bear
      August 1, 2019 at 5:05 pm

      You’re not a boss babe but you’re an imposter! ‍♀️‍♀️ It’s not a pyramid scheme, it’s multi level marketing so you need to stop being ignorant and do your research!‍ I am able to make SIX ✋figures a month and stay home being the best mama bear ‍‍‍ I can be! I’m blessed and next month yours truly will be in the diamond platinum level!! Who-hoo!✈️‍♀️

      (LOL, this took a ridiculous amount of time to write!)

      • Aonaöe
        August 1, 2019 at 11:24 pm

        Love it

  • Dr Girlfriend
    August 1, 2019 at 11:34 am

    Thank you MVTB for pointing out that loopy twats like her are not an accurate representation of most women. Proud “mama bears” who incessantly carry on about their “smile worthy kiddos” or cubs. Blah, blah, blah. Procreation isn’t an accomplishment, it’s simply biology. Fucking insufferable.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Old Tom Morris
      August 1, 2019 at 12:01 pm

      She said “”too many of us are so fucking stupid it hurts” meaning most of you. And 90% of you vote Democrat. So yeah.

      • Dr Girlfriend
        August 1, 2019 at 1:16 pm

        Little tidbit for you Tommy boy…Not all of us gashes are drinking the blue Kool-Aid. But do carry on with ignorant generalizations. Enjoy cleaning off your shitty shaft after man to man bum encounters. If you in fact have a lady in your life (big stretch on the “if”) I’m going to safely assume the D she’s voting for is the only D that’s remotely satisfying her.

        • murdochpatsymcreynolds
          Old Tom Morris
          August 1, 2019 at 2:13 pm

          I just called your office Dr. G. and made an appointment for a prostate exam. I requested no glove due to a latex infection. They said it wouldn’t be a problem. Looking forward to meeting you and thank you for your professionalism.

          • Dr Girlfriend
            August 1, 2019 at 11:02 pm

            Seems remotely reasonable Tommy. I will be sure to stock up on lubricant. Fairly certain you were going for “latex allergy” not “infection” Who is keeping track?! Dang autocorrect. Either way, you seem to be in need of relief. Poor you.

  • Judge dread
    August 1, 2019 at 11:32 am

    Yah this bitch is clearly trying to get people to buy her shit. Then try to recruit other naive women to get in and sell shit to your friends as long as some of the profits are kicked up one level, and on and on and on.

    Fuck this woman for using the threat of kidnapping to push her multi lelvel marketing dogshit on Facebook.

    Back when I was a kid in the early 90s people used to ring our door bell and try to sling Nu-Skin, Amyway, Tupperware, etc and would always give you a card with a meeting place (usually someone’s house) to get indoctrinated for further exploitation.

    It seems now door to door is so 30 years ago and now it’s hysterical Facebook postings by histrionic housewives.

  • Derek Eagles
    August 1, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Actually MVTB people in Ayer have money. Rent and mortgages there are expensive. You’re thinking of Shirley.

    • Christopher Lettiere
      August 1, 2019 at 11:47 am

      Thanks Derek, hahaha, I think you entered your email in the wrong box.

    • Harthacanute
      August 5, 2019 at 8:12 am

      This is the most accurate statement I’ve seen in a while.

  • 50's Sci Fi
    August 1, 2019 at 11:11 am

    It’s invasion of the kiddie snatchers. They’re not people!

  • Karma Bus
    Ratchetsaurous Rex
    August 1, 2019 at 10:58 am

    Did the police really tell you to keep driving and not come back? That’s the biggest lie in the world Hailey. And enough with your spammy posts too. Muh gurd. Can’t stand you bitches that promote like that. Boss babe my ass.

  • A
    August 1, 2019 at 10:55 am

    Did she already delete her Facebook?

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    August 1, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Loving the “I’ll take ‘Things that never happened’ for 500, Alex” comment at the bottom.

    At least someone who read her choc-full-of-bullshit page called it for what it was.

    • Walt Ostrander
      August 1, 2019 at 11:22 am

      Do you have a job? Seems like all you do is comment on blogs for a living.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        August 1, 2019 at 11:32 am

        My job is riding your maw for $200 an hour.

        She’s very disappointed in you, Walt. She hoped for a heterosexual son over 5′ 3″.

        • Walt Ostrander
          August 1, 2019 at 11:37 am

          your response time answered my question for me. The fact that you had the time to google me and realize I am short and pan makes it creepy.

          • dowen0895
            Dick Scratcher
            August 1, 2019 at 11:59 am

            I can tell that purely from your grammatical style.

            Your clearly a midget trannie.

        • Walt Ostrander
          August 1, 2019 at 12:22 pm


          • dowen0895
            Dick Scratcher
            August 1, 2019 at 12:43 pm


            Apologies for my poor grammar.

            Now, off you fuck.

        • Walt Ostrander
          August 1, 2019 at 12:48 pm

          Apology accepted 🙂

  • hartf811
    Dont knock
    August 1, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Just looking at her ginger, hairy bear, social misfit husband you can tell she casts a bad smell.

  • Julie the Jarhead
    August 1, 2019 at 10:49 am

    Is this the same person?

    gofundme ~dot~ com/TeamKarlee (Site was set up two years ago.)

  • Real_Finn
    August 1, 2019 at 10:42 am

    Dear Hailey,

    If you have to pay to work at a company (Monat), you are officially a customer.

    Get Fucked,

    • Dick GoZinya
      August 1, 2019 at 11:14 am

      Good to see you back Finn…

      • Christopher Lettiere
        August 1, 2019 at 11:41 am

        I was about to say that on the last post.
        Glad to see Finn is back.

        • Real_Finn
          August 3, 2019 at 10:55 pm

          I’m sorry about the fuck-up on the other poster. My listening skills were a 0. No excuse.

    • Let me up, I've had enough
      August 1, 2019 at 1:22 pm


      So good to see you back. There has been many a blog that could’ve used a good “Get Fucked”.

    • Lipstickhippie
      Lipstick Hippie
      August 1, 2019 at 7:57 pm

      Welcome back Finn, been wondering where you were. I really missed you telling everyone to get fucked. My days weren’t nearly as happy without that.

      • Real_Finn
        August 1, 2019 at 11:20 pm

        Nice to be back!

  • Vigil Ante
    Vigil Ante
    August 1, 2019 at 10:22 am

    “Police was notified”


    • z
      August 1, 2019 at 1:14 pm

      Day bee in onit. Day dinit catch hym, on porpoise.! Fax!!!!

    • Real_Finn
      August 1, 2019 at 1:48 pm

      Rough year — I’m all good.
      Thanks for the welcome.

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