Ratchet Madness Champion Rian Waters Filed A Criminal Complaint Against Me, Wrote The Most Amazing After David, Says He Had To Quit His Job Due To Disorder Caused By Listening To Me On Live


I just realized that we never announced who the winner of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness 2019 was. Time for the big reveal……

Sorry Franklin, you just weren’t ratchet enough. Second seeded Rian Waters joins Trashley Loslopiho, and Didi Delgado as Ratchet Madness Champions!! Congratulations Rian, on literally the only thing you will ever win for the rest of your pathetic existence.


Speaking of Rian, that lawsuit is still going on and we are waiting to hear on our motion to dismiss. In the meantime Rian also took out a criminal complaint against me for harassment this week. Here it is in all its glory:


In order to get a harassment order you have to have documented evidence that the person harassing you has contacted you on three or more separate occasions. I only spoke with Rian via email last summer, but he says otherwise.

His after David is glorious.

That is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read. So many strong points being made.

He was gonna start a new job that he “successfully interviewed for,” but after I used a metaphor on Turtleboy Live he found himself in way too much distress to work. As a result he had to move out of his residence, and has been diagnosed with “adjustment disorder.” Of course he believes this is all my fault, and actually says that I have personally been “identified” as one of the stressors. Identified by who? Not sure. But generally a doctor would be the person to do that, and the thought of a doctor diagnosing Aidan Kearney as the cause of a mental disorder is just…wow.

Then there’s the allegation of photoshopping him and Gaffney in bed together. I can’t even find that one right now but I like this one more:

He also says it’s harassment that I published a factual blog on his arrests for beating the shit out of Samantha Cardin and murdering their dog in front of the child he pays no child support for. If you recall, there was plenty of evidence that he committed those crimes, since he was arrested and charged, but he got away with it because the victim was too scared to testify against him.

My personal favorite is how I’m now being blamed when I tell you people NOT to harass guys like Rian Waters. What else am I supposed to say? Does he want me to tell you to harass him? Help me out here Rian!

I’m officially named Uncle Turtleboy in an official court document, which is pretty awesome. And he falsely states under the penalties of perjury that I have psychiatric issues.

Here’s Exhibit A:

His handwriting just screams Flowers For Algernon, Chapter 1.

He’s saying that I’m guilty of witness intimidation for mentioning him in my book I Am Turtleboy, and said that I stared him down when I showed up to court for his hearing in January.

As you can see he also says that I falsely accused him of committing crimes, such as punching Sam Cardin in the face, killing the dog, and smuggling drugs across an international border. Except that literally happened, and he got caught after running through the woods.

I’m not an attorney, but I’m pretty sure writing about someone isn’t harassment either. If it was then CNN would be guilty of witness intimidation against Donald Trump.

He says that the factual blogs that Bristol and I have written about him were “punishment” and amount to witness intimidation. Oh, and he says he wasn’t able to effectively argue his case at previous hearings because of all the witness intimidation.

He says that we are misleading because we say we’re journalism, but when Bristol wrote about him she didn’t use any of his comments (even though he evaded most of the questions she asked him).

This guy really listens to every live show and reads every blog we publish so he can build his case. I guess when you don’t have to work you have time for stuff like that. He quoted when I had Dawson Boston on the show, who was the heroin dealer who pretended to be suicidal, and I in turn called his bluff and he never killed himself.

And some other stuff…..

This has “he who shall not be named” written all over it. These are the exact same arguments a previous plaintiff who lost to me in court used. I wonder who’s helping Rian out with this one? Hmmmm….

Anyway, this is my life folks. I had no idea when I started writing opinions based off of facts on the Internet and hiring bloggers who publish entertaining content that I’d end up being sued by a million people, but here we are. Free speech isn’t free, but we’re going to continue to fight for it anyway while exposing scumbuckets like Rian Waters.


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28 Comment(s)
  • Confused
    May 31, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Can someone clarify how he refers to Milky Mike as “my first witness”?

  • Ray Patriarca
    Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
    May 31, 2019 at 4:33 am

    Two words:
    Mental illness.
    Nothing else is needed to be said about this dope.

  • Crystal Laviolette
    Ghost Of Cujo
    May 30, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    $For Freedom of $peech$


  • CHUd with a little d
    May 30, 2019 at 9:36 pm

    So Rian with an I is worried that Unkle with a K is going to murder him with words?

    I move for an immediate dismissal, on the grounds that Plaintiff has already murdered all the words.

  • Spelling Bee Champ
    May 30, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    Looks like a mentally retarded 5 year olds handwriting

    • Chester the Fupa Molester
      May 31, 2019 at 8:05 am

      This comment is offensive to Mentally retarded 5 year olds. They don’t want to be associated with this dipshit. They also have far better penmanship.

  • Boy Wonder
    May 30, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    Holy penmanship, Batman, were you able to decipher that filled-in complaint form? SMH!

  • WNY Turtle Rider
    May 30, 2019 at 8:43 pm

    “Sucsefully?” Give it up, Risn. What do you have going for you? You claim an “adjustment disorder?” What a useless tool. You want to know what’s forever, Rian? The adjustment disorder your child must have, after seeing you kill the dog? Or seeing you clobber Samantha? What about your Google trophies? You EARNED them! Are you alleging documented arrest reports are fake or inaccurate? You won’t get any relief from Turtle Riders, either. BTW, congratulations on your Ratchet Madness 2019 Award, well-fought and well-deserved. The hell with your feelz. You had life choices to make, and you chose WRONG!

    Another BTW, as I sit here watching Twin Peaks 2017, I realize that your life so far seems to be that of a David Lynch character.

  • John Blutarsky
    May 30, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    This pole smoker needs a good old fashioned beat down. I am talking the kind that breaks ribs, knocks his fucking teeth out, and makes him piss blood for about a month. The kind of beating that will stay with him for the rest of his miserable life. This is the only remedy for this kind of jackass. Once he receives a beating like that, he will shut the fuck up and fall in line. My advice would be to save money spent on lawyers and use it on a couple of dudes who will fuck his world up.

    • hartf811
      Hart Ford
      May 31, 2019 at 6:37 am

      Clearly he hasn’t a full set.
      Low IQ people make sure they have an IPhone and the unlimited data plan but an unused 4 year old toothbrush and no history of dental visits.

  • Siskel
    May 30, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    Where’s this kid get the money for this shit? Since he isn’t working, where’s it coming from? Might be a Turtleboy Investigates story

  • capone181
    Total Mayhem
    May 30, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    Those court filings are about as accurate as a mal-functioning Scud Missile.

    He sounds like the type of guy who would sue Victoria Secret for making him play with himself.

    • The Name Game
      May 30, 2019 at 8:47 pm

      Haha, “sue Victoria Secret.” Best comment yet tonight!

    • Rodzilla
      May 30, 2019 at 11:25 pm

      According to his own brags, he makes stacks laying motherfuckers down in poker apparently…
      Still this handwriting, though. It’s like seeing an all text version of autism and other birth defects.
      Like a hand written version of Haley Joel Osment in the movie AI.
      Like watching Benny and Joon on Benadryl.
      I mean, fuck!

  • My mom
    May 30, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    Write something interesting for a change.

  • Robyn
    May 30, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Holy fruitcake, Batman!

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    May 30, 2019 at 6:46 pm

    Good Gods, his handwriting is worse than mine, and I have had 3 strokes…

    His elementry school teachers should have their wages garnished for not doing their jobs.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    May 30, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Hey, Rian! (By the way, your whore mother should learn how to spell Ryan in-between choking down cock for $3 a go).

    Why don’t you and Gaffney come to the UK and suck my sweaty Welsh balls, you dog-murdering, woman beating cunt?

    How’s that for freedom of speech Waters, you cocksucker?

  • Taint Wart
    May 30, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    I can’t wait to find out which fraud Doc signed off on this parasites SSDI slip for a bullshit disorder.
    Enjoy your easy payday courtesy of us taxpayers and the dopes currently allowing you to live with them, White Trash Waters.

  • Said Everyone
    May 30, 2019 at 5:58 pm

    I’m a full time reader and donor. Keep up the good fight and don’t sweat these pussies

  • Dee
    May 30, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    we can’t murder people with words or ask people to leave someone alone now?? what’s Dawson Boston have to do with anything?? sounds like alot of filler to look like they have a legit case.

  • Rodzilla
    May 30, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    Wow, LOOK at his fucking hand-writing…

  • citypoint
    May 30, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    Gotta love the fact he spelled “uncle” with a k then corrected it.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 30, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    Rian requires immediate euthanization. For the good of society.

    To the powers that be, Please euthanize him immediately. Thank you!

  • Turtz McGurtz
    May 30, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    i think we’re burying the lead here Unc. You just now realized that you didn’t announce the winner of ratchet madness?? Dude…..

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      May 30, 2019 at 5:47 pm

      It was quite obvious

  • Scott Michaels
    Scott Michaels
    May 30, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    Follower, donor and subscriber. I fucking loveyou.

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