‘Tis the season!
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Ah, fall is in full swing and the Holidays are upon us! With the weather as crisp as
the leaves on the ground ratchets’ drawers everywhere, there is nothing better than to pass some time indoors, curled up with your turtle mug in your mitts, filled to the brim with Irish coffee to warm both your hands and your dark, turtley soul.
And while you’re relaxing the body, titillate your mind with one of the copious “yard sale” groups on the Facebook machine. Hand to God, the drama that goes on in the far corners of social media is more action-packed than Days of Our Lives could ever hope to be.
It is seriously way more exciting than that, I promise!
Enter Boobarella, AKA Kathy Vavra Dejesus of Methuen
Lookin’ like a washed up Jem 30 years later, rode hard and put away wet – but gentlemen, she’s single and ready to mingel!
Kathy is a 40-something year old mom of anywhere between 6 and 7 kids depending on what time of the day you ask her. She’s recently been trolling the local yard sale groups with a sob story about rats eating her out of house and home (literally) and begging for any goods people will throw her way
Newly single mom of a football line, her evil, all-powerful landlord is evicting her for not being happy living amongst Mickey et al, even though “you never know whos jesus like the bible said”
WHAT IF THE RATS ARE JESUS, KATHY?!
I’m not even sure what she’s begging for here. An apartment? Money? Christmas? Jesus?
Nope, not Jesus. She’s already got him, both in her heart and on her wall. Give that one a good ol’ checkaroo off the list.
Get naked? What?
I have no idea how to decode ratchet speak for you, but I’ll die trying, ’cause y’all just mean that much to me.
1. She has a 2 year old child with her daughter (?)
2. 5 other kids that have presumably flown out of her tampon tunnel
3. She’s in some kinda weird divorce mist
4. She’s “disabled”
5. She has an old friend’s truck
6. The rats have quite the discerning palate, eating beds, couches, clothing, vacuum cleaners, microwaves, and every other appliance that was plugged in (they must love the zippy zappy sensation!)
7. She has a shoestring budget of $730 a month for 8 people, and therefore, doesn’t want to look like a charity case, even though she is, blah blah blah
And don’t you DARE send her clothes that come from a home with a smoker – or worse – CATS! We can’t have them scaring Mouse Jesus away.
Oh wait, no, all 8 people have asthma. Must be part of that whole “disability” thing.
Of course, people on the yardsale groups saw Boobarella jiggling in from a mile away and decided to call her out on her never ending stream of dog doo:
Someone give Valerie a cookie! She gets it. And what’s that Ashley? She’s selling stuff on her page?
“paid” $175, uh huh…
Next up, clothes for the plus-sized love in your life, plus a Louis bag!
And now, from Comcast – ObamaModem! Pay for a week, pay for a month. $90 brand new, a STEAL at only $45!
FOUR brand new Kindle Fire tablets
And, uh, these rubber rain boobs?BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS.
Oh, and don’t forget the yuuuuuge lot of Nokia cell phone skins circa 1999. For those of us who refuse to get with the times and buy iShit Crapple products
What a find!
It also seems that Kathy, in addition to her Scammy McScammerson ways, likes to fib:
Ah, ha – she’s not getting tossed out on her keister because of the second coming of Jesus Mouse, she’s getting tossed to the curb for being a deadbeat and not paying her rent. Shocker! The only thing that really surprises me is that her landlord has been playing the late rent shuffle with her for 4 months now and she’s still not out of his apartment.
Let this serve as a warning to all you good, kind-hearted people out there – don’t get scammed by the Kathys of the world. There are decent people down on their luck who need help to get back to being totally self sufficient, absolutely, and you should help them. But do your due diligence!
There’s people like this
who make begging a full-time job and don’t deserve the gum off your shoe. Let ’em drown.