Mainstream Media Fails

Spanky: Kid Who Wore Turtleboy Shirt To Burncoat High School Is Just As Dangerous As Kid Who Brought Loaded Gun

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Spanky McFarlane has thrown together some real gems for the Telegram and Gazette over the years, but I think today’s masterpiece might be his finest work yet. If you don’t follow us on Facebook yet you probably didn’t see this, but last week Clive was principal for 90 minutes at Burncoat High School. Apparently an 18 year old student who is going into the Air Force next year wore his “I Am Turtleboy” shirt to school that day. The rest is history:

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This happened on Wednesday and apparently Clive couldn’t stop thinking about it all weekend, so he threw together a column whining about it in the Telegram today. Let’s take a look at the genius that is Spanky McJive.

Last Wednesday a Burncoat High School student performed a stupid stunt in front of his principal that I won’t dignify with a description. But the kid’s action, if one so chooses, could have been used to put the school in disrepute.

Hey Clive – you mad bro? Show me where Turtleboy touched you on this doll. On a scale from 1-10, how would you describe your amount of butthurt? LOL. Newsflash Clive – this kid’s actions could not possibly have been used to put Burncoat in “disrepute.” Because what did he do wrong besides wear a harmless shirt to a public school and pose for a picture with everyone’s favorite race-baiting columnist?

After all, this kid was a member of the school’s JROTC program, which is known to promote values such as loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity and personal courage, none of which this young man adhered to when he chose to perform the stunt.

I’d say it took a lot of personal courage actually. I’ve never spoken to the lad before, but I’m assuming like most normal people, he thinks you suck. It takes a lot of minerals for a kid like this to confront the enemy face to face and shake their hand.

To be sure, the kid’s principal, Mike Foley, was embarrassed and apologetic. Yet he knew, and hoped others would, too, that the student was just one of 1,000 who make up the school’s student body.

HAHAHHAHAHA. Actually the principal’s name is actually WILLIAM Foley. A quick Google search, or even better – a 90 minutes stint at Burncoat High School, could’ve told you that Clive. I can just picture Clive’s blood boiling over while he wrote this. Who cares what the principal’s real name is when you’re using your position at the Telegram to settle a personal grudge with the crosstown blogger with more page views and influence. William, Mike, Matt, Andrew, it’s all the same. I guess we all look alike to you, right Clive?

The truth is that in the time I spent with Mr. Foley as part of the school system’s annual Principal for a Day program, this kid’s stunt was more than dwarfed by the school’s nobler side.

The fact that he keeps referring to this as a “stunt” basically sums up what Spanky is all about. Because to him, this is a HUGE deal. Meanwhile we’re five or six paragraphs into the column and he hasn’t mentioned that the next day a Burncoat student brought a loaded gun to school. He’s got a good point though. A kid with an “I Am Turtleboy” shirt is a much bigger threat than a gangsta with a gun talking about shooting police.


Then he talked about how he met a girl who played field hockey and is going off to college and he reached the conclusion that this kid with an “I Am Turtleboy” shirt was nothing more than a rogue aggressor:

And after all that, it would have been recklessly dishonest of me to paint this kid’s juvenile stunt as a true portrait of the school and his schoolmates.

Thank GOD we don’t have a school full of kids with Turtleboy shirts. We might have to call the cops to stop them from expressing themselves.

In a school of 1,000 teenagers, the likelihood of one or two, or three of them acting like teenagers is always very high.

So let me get this straight. A kid wears a shirt to school and he is “acting like a teenager.” Meanwhile Spanky writes column after column about how the other blogger in town is trashy and we shouldn’t read him. Newsflash Clive – there is only one person here who is acting like a teenager, and he has dreadlocks and an erudite vocabulary.


This is why I am stunned by the rapidity with which so many adults are using isolated incidents to gin up fear and hysteria around Worcester public schools.

Did you see what he just did there? He is now comparing a kid wearing an “I Am Turtleboy Shirt” to the lawlessness and anarchy that has been transpiring at North High School. He’s suggesting that if you’re not freaking out over this kid’s choice of clothing one day, then you’re a hypocrite if you want cops at North High School. I guarantee Clive wrote this on 4/20.

Yea totally Clive. Four “isolated” incidents at North High in which different vice principals were punched in the face on different occasions. A principal writing an email to her faculty calling another teacher a racist. A Doherty student getting shot while emulating the gangsta life on Facebook while his Ma-Dukes cheered from the sidelines. A student bringing a loaded gun to school and talking about killing cops. No big deal. These are all “isolated” incidents.

Police Chief Gary Gemme, for example, is selling a defective perception in his remarks on a gun found in the locker of a Burncoat student, who, according to a staff member, had allegedly spoken about shooting a police officer.

“A student who brings a loaded handgun to school and makes threats is clearly a reality check and wake-up call for those who oppose enhanced communications links between police and schools,” he said.

This perception is not to provide an accurate characterization of the threat level. Its purpose is to create a market for those who sell security cameras and who want to wire schools like correctional facilities.

A kid brings a gun to school and talks about killing cops at a school he was principal for a day at, and he finally gets around to mentioning it in his closing remarks. Well done Spanky.

There you have it folks. A kid brings a loaded, unregistered gun to school, talks about killing cops, and the official response from Mr. Fuck The Police is “This is all a conspiracy orchestrated by the security camera-industrial complex.” No need for enhanced security measures after that. Calm down ya wacky honkies.

Then he ended in classic Spanky-style fascism:

City Councilor Michael Gaffney is selling a defective perception to buy a mayoral seat when he said, in responding to the same incident, “The student’s plot to murder a police officer is a direct result of the continued hate speech against our teachers and police that has been allowed to fester by the administration of the schools and our elected leaders.”

In a community serious about truth, fairness and justice, a person with the status of Mr. Gaffney would have been forced to apologize, or would have faced censure by his colleagues. That neither has happened tells us a lot more about our city than the gun found at Burncoat tells us about the school system.

Yea, clearly Mike Gaffney’s concern with Clive’s hate speech against teachers and police is nothing less than political grandstanding. I mean, what politician in their right mind is at all interested in the safety of their community? I smell bullshit.

The last paragraph perfectly illustrates who Clive is and what he’s all about. He doesn’t agree with Councilor Gaffney. Therefore if the community were serious about “truth, fairness, and justice” then Mike Gaffney would be forced to apologize and would be banned from speaking by his fellow councilors ever again. Hey, I’m sure Sarai Rivera, Joe Petty, and Dicky Rushton are on board with that.

Because with Clive, you either agree with him, or you are morally bankrupt and should never be able to speak publicly. This column right here, is so Spanky McFarlane it hurts. Please don’t stop giving me such jive material to work with Clive.

P.S. We just got a new batch of “I Am Turtleboy” shirts. Get your’s name. If you don’t, and then you randomly run into Clive, you’ll regret not having it. We have all sizes, including children’s, and you can purchase them for $15 by emailing or messaging us on Facebook. 

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15 Comment(s)
  • 13_Legion
    April 23, 2015 at 7:14 am

    As another poster said, I’d have thought the student did something terribly disrespectful, disgusting, or violent when you read the way Clive represents it.

    Part of me wants to think he’s being over the top for the sake of a joke, but nothing else he writes lends that any credit.

    Kid wearing a T-shirt did something that can’t be mentioned, but student with loaded weapon talking about cop killing is just not understood properly. Ha!!

  • Frogshit
    April 23, 2015 at 6:48 am

    LOL… Today in the “Corrections” box at the T&G they had to cover Jive’s ass with the name gaff. Thank gawd he didn’t have to spell TURTLEBOY!

  • Leprechaun
    April 22, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Thank you for making my day … “Mr. Fuck the Police” … Priceless

  • Amy
    April 22, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    hahaha i cant get over that he didnt even get the principal’s first name right. it’s like clive seriously does not even TRY to do his job as a so-called “journalist.”

  • O the humanities
    April 22, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Oh Clive! you transparent prima donna! whining like a girl because you got punked by a kid with a sense of humor. Lighten up – oh wait! Is that racist?? yikes!

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      April 22, 2015 at 5:35 pm

      I see what you did there. Lol!

  • Shaking my head
    April 22, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    In all seriousness, when is he going to be stopped?

  • RJ
    April 22, 2015 at 11:54 am

    It’s annoying when he says they “found” a gun at Burncoat. It makes it sound like there was a gun truck driving by and it hit a bump and launched a handgun through the air that happened to land in some unsuspecting kid’s open locker.

    They seized a loaded handgun from a criminal on school grounds.

  • Dave Lind
    April 22, 2015 at 11:43 am

    When I read Spankys article ( I use that term loosely) I was thinking what this kid could have done to his principal that was so bad. I was thinking maybe he took a hot steamy shit on his desk, or forced himself to puke at his feet. Silly me for not thinking it was something even more outrageous like wearing a tee shirt.

  • allison
    April 22, 2015 at 11:33 am

    It all makes sense now. Clive was standing there, and the boy comes up, “hey do you think I could get a photo”?

    In Clive’s mind he sees a young bright kid coming up to him, in admiration, respect, for all he has done for the community!

    They grasp hands and both smile, zippp… CLICK.

    Before he know what happened the turtle is there, with freedom for all.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    April 22, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Owned, owned, owned!!!! Clivey Jivey was totally and completely owned by this genius of an ROTC student. Clive’s pathetic (is there ever anything other than pathetic with this guy) attempt at a response while at the same time downplaying the North High and Burncoat events, shows how out of touch this loser actually is.

    Long live Turtleboy!!!!!

  • Who's Your Daddy
    April 22, 2015 at 10:20 am

    When did free speech become a stunt? And wouldn’t you think a “newspaper reporter” would support free speech?

    • Wabbitt
      April 22, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      He’s not a reporter, he’s a columnist. Reporters are bound to a code of journalistic ethics. Columnists can write whatever they want as long as it gets the paper sales and page views.

      • BobnMic
        April 22, 2015 at 4:31 pm

        Colon full of Jive has done it again. It’s like Seinfeld. A column about nothing.

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