Spoiled Selfie Queen Whines About Losing Entire Rent Payment Using Cash App With No Way Of Recovering Funds In The Least Believable Gofundme I’ve Seen Today

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here. 

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

Meet Raquel Torres.

Raquel is clearly pretty good at manipulating angles, lighting and filters to look strikingly like a former Disney Channel Star halfway down the post-fame spiral. She’s not good at other things, though, like paying her rent

or coming up with remotely plausible explanation as to why she can’t pay.

This is one of the most apathetic gofundme campaigns I have ever seen get donations. No ghetto black mold, no crumbling structures, no sack full of cash she was going to deposit in the morning before a white van full of Jesus loving sex traffickers broke in and stole right before being scared off by a billion thoughts and prayers on the internet. Nope, she sent the money through Cash App, a payment app owned by Square Cash, and they lost it in a vague and undisclosed manner, and are refusing to refund. And her bank was like, “Nah brah, this transaction is too personal for your personal checking account, nothing we can do.” So as much as she hates to do it, her only option is to beg for cash online. Especially because her landlord is not the nicest person, but quite to the contrary, he is not a good person at all. Presumably because he expects the agreed upon amount paid on the agreed upon day to continue to allow her to live on his property.

Honestly, this story is so easy to poke holes in it makes ME feel lazy. Let’s start with Cash App. It’s an app similar to Venmo, or Paypal, where you can wire money to any recipient in minutes. I don’t know where the logic lies in taking rent payments through an app, as it opens up a whole new can of bullshit that transcends the “Check got lost in the mail” excuse, but sure. Let’s assume that her landlord is enough of a sap to accept rent payments via app, as opposed to traditional bank wire, personal check, or just knocking on the door and collecting cash or a money order. She sends the money and – whoops! It’s lost. And even though common sense says that a transfer isn’t going to just vanish into mid air, let’s say that it did. Both Square cash AND the bank did nothing, you’re just out the money, no fault of your own, no refunds?

Hmm. Looks like Cash App does in fact offer refunds….

And has a pretty customer-slanted dispute process. As far as the bank goes, total bullshit. I would think that most adults understand that the vast majority of banks and lenders will refund disputed transactions quickly pending an investigation. Even if you don’t see a quick turnaround on the refund because you bank out of Buford, Wyoming or something, the 1975 Fair Credit Billing Act protects your right to dispute transactions. That’s the same law that limits your losses to $50 if your card is stolen and used, unless it’s a pin transaction on a debit card. Call me presumptuous, but Bootleg J-Lo’s rent is probably over $50. There is no way they said, “Nah, too personal of a transaction.” I honestly don’t even know what that means. If your Cash App legitimately somehow vaporized your rent payment in transit to your landlord’s account like some Vietcong snipers waiting in the trees, you would be more than entitled to file a dispute. Most landlords will be fine with a one time missed rent payment accompanied by proof of a transaction dispute and maybe a small goodwill payment, if you really rent from that much of a dick. Even if your landlord happens to be some sort of frigid Dickens character, by the time you were to even get to court you’d be fine, as you can cure an eviction by paying, up to the day you get court paperwork, which generally takes about a month. And no landlord is going to want to incur the time and expense evicting a good tenant who had a lapse. The courts don’t make it easy.

I’m not even going to touch her totally unbiased, level headed assessment of her landlord’s character. Any skag who clutters up the internet with this drivel:

Definitely does not take any sort of expectation of personality accountability well.

Well, you’re going to have to wait, because you can’t even pay your dirt-cheap rent. You can’t Venmo over your mortgage. I bet those strangers holding a key didn’t lose their down payment over a phone app.

Hilariously, this broad actually managed to find herself an even dumber financial plan:

Eh, if I were you, I actually would’ve gone with that one first.