Mainstream Media Fails

Telegram And Gazette Lays Off Cartoonist David Hitch, Chris Sinacola Quits, Because The Turtleboy Sports Revolution Is Winning

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So the Telegram and Gazette hasn’t reported this yet, largely because they’re run by hacks like Jim Normandin, who aren’t very good at their jobs. But they fired veteran political cartoonist David Hitch yesterday, and consequently Chris Sinacola, the editor of the editorial board got pissed off, walked out the door and quit. Both have been there since the beginning of time. Naturally when the Telegram makes cuts they DO NOT get rid of Clive “Spanky” McFarlane.

It’s too bad too, because David Hitch cartoons and Diane Williamson columns were probably the only worthwhile contributions left at that rag. The dude actually did satire on local stories, and unlike Clive, he seems to understand the pulse of the city. Take this cartoon for instance:

Screen Shot 2015-05-05 at 9.17.22 AM

It’s funny because it’s “bring your gun to school month” in the Worcester Public Schools. Of course you can infer while looking at this cartoon that Mr. Hitch favors police officers and cameras in the school, largely because the teacher looks so on edge.

So when Jim Normandin went to go make his cuts he could either cut – a) a race-baiting, no talent hack, who got into an ongoing pissing match with a local blog that is actively stealing advertisers, and inadvertantly increased the blog’s audience by thousands, or b) a talented cartoonist who most seem to enjoy. Of course he chose the latter.

Clive likes to bitch and whine about racism a lot, but let’s be blunt about this – why do you think Spanky still has a job? It’s certainly not because of his merits. Last I checked he is the only writer for the Telegram who has a #noclicksforclive campaign against him. The elephant in the room is what we’ve all known for quite some time now – the Telegram could NEVER fire Spanky because it would lead to an investigation by the Circlejerk and Justice Department, and Al Sharpton would be here by Thursday.

The ultimate proof that we’re winning is in Clive’s physical appearance. Just look at how gray Spanky has gotten ever since Turtleboy started owning his brain:

Screen Shot 2015-05-05 at 9.36.33 AMHe’s turning into the wily old man at the barber shop.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – the Turtleboy Sports Revolution is a REAL revolution. It’s a revolution in how the news is reported and consumed. When’s the last time the Telegram announced a hiring spree? Oh yea, never. But they are ALWAYS cutting people. That’s because the Telegram is part of a dying industry. They’re losing revenue for three main reasons:

1) You have to pay money to read their online articles, while the rest of the world consumes free news.

2) No one reads the paper anymore.

3) They’re losing revenue because the Telegram charges such OUTRAGEOUS prices for digital advertisements.

For instance, Turtleboy Sports has average rougly 600,000 page views for the past two months. Our advertisers are all seen on every single article we write. Our prices are Spags-esque. Meanwhile here’s what the Telegram charges for 445,000 page views (155,000 less than Turtleboy):

Screen Shot 2015-05-05 at 9.29.35 AM

$3,501 per month. That’s fucking INSANE. Only a complete moron would spend money like that and expect any sort of return on their investment. But they HAVE to charge this much. After all, Clive McFarlane drives a BMW convertible and writes two columns a week. Someone has to pay for his health insurance and gas money.


Meanwhile when you advertise with Turtleboy, this is what our loyal turtle riders do:

Screen Shot 2015-05-05 at 9.44.29 AM

That right there is a media and marketing revolution, the likes of which the world has never seen.

Naturally, we’ve stolen a bunch of advertisers from the Telegram, and we’re going to continue to do so in the future. Because Turtleboy is a superior form of media. Our takes are hotter. Our writers are better. Our readership isn’t the same five guys (atomicrob, traveller, honiaku) arguing in the comments about Obama being a Muslim.

Naturally the Telegram hasn’t made this announcement yet, because they’re a bunch of gutless cowards on a sinking ship, too afraid to show the world that their product is failing. But we all know it is. And our ship never sinks. That’s why you ride the turtle.


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25 Comment(s)
  • Uh
    May 9, 2015 at 4:27 am

    Hitch was a rightwing hack…he was utterly predictable and never clever. However- I completely agree that the T&G website is a miserable mess . And now that the comments section doesn’t allow usernames ( to protect Clive from a thrice weekly onslaught) there’s no entertainment value. All i hear is crickets…

  • Chris From Georgia
    May 8, 2015 at 8:28 am

    Hitch was one of the best they had there. His comments were always spot on.

  • LMAO At All The Goobs
    May 7, 2015 at 10:49 am

    Now Turtle Boy imagines he’s a news organization. ROFLMFAO

  • jurur seven
    May 6, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Is there more than one Hitch cartoonist with the T & G? Today on page 15 there is a Hitch cartoon? Just another way of asking, Was Hitch actually given the pink slip?

  • Adam
    May 6, 2015 at 10:23 am

    It’s not going to be the same without David Hitch. 🙁

    • Finnish Goalie
      May 6, 2015 at 11:18 am

      The man had a talent for depicting the yelling person.

  • Wills Woo
    May 6, 2015 at 5:53 am

    Buy bye, T&G.

    Maybe once the Dept of Justice leaves the city, destroyed in its wake, they will fire Clive.

  • oneopinion
    May 5, 2015 at 9:16 pm picked up Scott Croteau and is covering a lot of central mass. The T&G has given up a lot of territory. A year ago I’d never heard of TB or masslive and now they are daily reads. I still get the print version of the T&G but they limited my web access which used to be part of my print subscription. When it comes time to renew the T&G it’s basically going to come down to how bad I want to see which supermarket has the best deals in the Sunday print because Im just not sure that the content is worth it. If they lose Dianne then it will be an easy decision.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    May 5, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    You know, at first I thought weening myself off the TG rag was going to be tough. However, once I canceled my subscription (fuck you very much Clive and Old Balls) it took about 48 hours before I felt liberated. Just like flushing a big steamy corn filled dump, gone and forgotten forever. You should try it, it’s easier than you think!!!

  • Factman
    May 5, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    So is Turtleboy going to be bringing this cartoonist aboard?

  • AKM4
    May 5, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    If you do choose to read more than two articles on the T&G, just disable your cookies for that page and enjoy the ultimate experience of subpar journalism. Also, if you’re not that computer savvy just clear your history (most guys know how to do this, lol), to include cookies and get two more “free” articles.

  • Maggie the Cat
    May 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    I haven’t looked for the bloggers on the Telegram, but it doesn’t bother me that the ones who use blogging as some form of therapy might be gone. And if Old Balls is gone, I’m very happy. I will miss Jay Givan, the guy from W. Boylston who knows what’s going on there and tells everyone else. Maybe he’ll join Turtleboy. I sure don’t miss any of the liberal commenters on the paper, that’s for sure.

  • Frogshit
    May 5, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Oh… BTW… What happened to Old Balls and all the other Bloggers? Haven’t been able to read any of that since the big “change”?

  • Frogshit
    May 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Today, at 1:00 p.m., I finally got to view today’s E-Edition of the T&G that I pay so dearly for each month. Much to my dismay, when I got to the Editorial section, no Hitch…

  • Clean Hippie
    May 5, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Blah blah more self promotion of ad space *yawn* real bummer about the political cartoonist though, but I didn’t really get the whole big brother support thing from the cartoon..

  • juror seven
    May 5, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Okay, when I submitted my comment I can now see the thumb up and down options, sorry.

  • juror seven
    May 5, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    What was more important, announcing the firing of Dave Hitch or telling the print subscribers that the typeface is bigger and easier to read and they’ve reorganized the sections to provide more consistency. Karen Webber closed the announcement by asking, “let us know what you think.” I wanted to let her know, but she didn’t provide an email address to use.
    If nothing else, it is now easier to follow the court actions with the new format. Won’t waste so much time finding out if you know anyone.

    Also, turtleboy what happened to the thumb up, thumb down on the individual article comments?

  • TruthPill
    May 5, 2015 at 10:20 am

    David Hitch really has been mailing it in for a while. Its probably about time they parted ways. As far as Turtle Boy goes I do enjoy reading however please layoff the self aggrandizing. I mean let’s be serious youre fun to read but people read the In City Times. Relax, have fun, stop thinking youre gods gift to the interwebs.

  • brian mccarthy
    May 5, 2015 at 10:18 am

    What a damn shame. Hitch was a talented artist with timely and appropriate commentary. He said more in one picture than most of us could say in volumes. I am a T&G subscriber and if this layoff is confirmed I will be cancelling the paper. Hitch is simply too good to let go.

  • Finnish Goalie
    May 5, 2015 at 10:05 am

    That’s a damn shame.

    I didn’t always like or agree with Hitch’s cartoons, but I liked the fact that the Telgram had a resident cartoonist who spend most of his time on local issues.

    Huge loss for the paper.

  • G-Love478
    May 5, 2015 at 9:52 am

    I used to buy a day pass from the T&G…Not anymore since I joined the turtleboy sports revolution! It’s only a matter of time before the T&G ship sinks completely & we’ll all sit back & watch while reading about it on TBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • COB
    May 5, 2015 at 9:47 am

    Fuck Clive!!!

  • JoeMomma
    May 5, 2015 at 9:32 am

    Clive has a purpose….he is living proof that racists come in every color.

    • Wabbitt
      May 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      Hey! Don’t you know that it’s racist to say that black people can be racist? You can’t be racist against white people because they have all the power!


  • Clive Mcfarlame
    May 5, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Clive makes me wanna puke! I hope this backfires for the T&G. They are the biggest joke in news!

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