If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

For months now the Pumpkin Spice Mafia has been spreading rumors on social media about a church cult tricking women at Walmart into being kidnapped in the parking lot and escorted to a sex trafficking ring via a rape van in the parking lot. But now that an actual, real life kidnapping happened in Boston, they’re really starting to kick it up a notch. Tens of thousands of local women have begun to share this post of a screenshot text message, from and to unidentified people.

Oh snap!! Someone we don’t know says that a “top investigator” (because investigators in police departments are ranked now) in Boston just said to a friend of this unknown texter that Victor Pena was part of a much wider human trafficking plot out of Cambridge. Which is why despite Olivia Ambrose being kidnapped three days prior, she never ended up being sold into sex trafficking. Turns out they’re all doing it via Uber, as currently 11 drivers are in on the ring. Makes perfect sense too. Uber drivers often offer you water or gum, but these Uber drivers are putting drugs in them that knock you out and make it a heck of a lot easier to sell you to Russian sex traffickers. The cops have not released this information and they asked the texter with the inside information not to release it either, because it’s G-14 classified. Naturally then she posted it to social media with the all caps bolded headline, “DO NOT UBER ALONE!!!”

Every basic Becky has been sharing it. Here’s one.

“Uhhh my Gahhhddd!! The sex traffickers are like, totally gonna kidnap me in da Uber!!”

This woman is a nurse somehow, and couldn’t see through this obvious lie. Uber is a gigantic and very well known corporation. It should common sense that if Uber were in fact employing 11 drivers in one city who were routinely drugging and kidnapping women, that they it would be much, much, much bigger news. For starters, there would be missing women all over Cambridge and Boston. But there aren’t. Victor Pena would be an Uber driver. But he’s not. These clams have completely lost the ability to think for themselves, and are part of a generation of idiots who blindly believe everything they see on Facebook. Hell, they have no idea who even sent this text message, or bothered to ask how they acquired this information. They saw something on Facebook that would make them run home, curl up in a blanket, read a book, make hot cocoa, and become a white girl cliche, so they blindly shared it.

Have you ever noticed how it’s always women who fall for this?

bostonians: pls be careful w uber, a woman was recently kidnapped in Cambridge during an uber ride and apparently investigations suggest that there is a trafficking ring in/around the Cambridge area that multiple uber drivers have been connected to.

— amy (@filleclementine) January 24, 2019

BOSTON FRIENDS: Plz read this!!! share your location with FindMyFriends, never Uber alone- human trafficking ring happening outside of Cambridge, MA pic.twitter.com/85T5xx2AzP

— düda??? ♡ (@heathh3r) January 24, 2019

https://twitter.com/whatinsamfuck/status/1088330639873585153

Boston folks: Have you received screenshots of text messages warning about a human trafficking operation involving Uber drivers in Cambridge?

— Serena McMahon (@serenaamcmahon) January 23, 2019

Ladies, we gotta do better. This is why we couldn’t vote until 1920 – because men assume we’re stupid, gullible, and incapable of thinking for ourselves. Please, stop feeding into this stereotype. Stop making the rest of us look bad!!

My alter ego Brooklyn Kennedy (feel free to follow me while you still can) attempted to point this out.

“How is this fake???”

Gee whiz, how can an unconfirmed and not even remotely believable story about Uber sex trafficking NOT be true? I can’t imagine how that’s possible. Of course I was immediately blocked by nurse Brianna Butler for pointing out to her that she’s spreading lies and misinformation for attention on Facebook.

Then there’s this one, which has been shared over 1,000 times.

This is no joke!! Don’t leave your drinks alone!! Even though this text message I’m sharing says that the Uber guy is the one who slips you the date rape drug, not the creep at the bar!! SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!!

Girl, you live in Brockton. You have much more real, actual things that can cause you harm on a daily basis than an Uber driver in Cambrdige.

Nevertheless, it goes without saying that there’s no Uber driving sex trafficking conspiracy, and if you see someone sharing this it’s your civic duty to mock them and point out how stupid they are. It’s the only way to fight back against this nonsense and insanity.