Tens Of Thousands Pumpkin Spice Mafia Soldiers Share Text Message Stating Boston’s “Top Investigator” Believes Victor Pena Is Part Of Uber Sex Slavery Ring In Cambridge

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For months now the Pumpkin Spice Mafia has been spreading rumors on social media about a church cult tricking women at Walmart into being kidnapped in the parking lot and escorted to a sex trafficking ring via a rape van in the parking lot. But now that an actual, real life kidnapping happened in Boston, they’re really starting to kick it up a notch. Tens of thousands of local women have begun to share this post of a screenshot text message, from and to unidentified people.

Oh snap!! Someone we don’t know says that a “top investigator” (because investigators in police departments are ranked now) in Boston just said to a friend of this unknown texter that Victor Pena was part of a much wider human trafficking plot out of Cambridge. Which is why despite Olivia Ambrose being kidnapped three days prior, she never ended up being sold into sex trafficking. Turns out they’re all doing it via Uber, as currently 11 drivers are in on the ring. Makes perfect sense too. Uber drivers often offer you water or gum, but these Uber drivers are putting drugs in them that knock you out and make it a heck of a lot easier to sell you to Russian sex traffickers. The cops have not released this information and they asked the texter with the inside information not to release it either, because it’s G-14 classified. Naturally then she posted it to social media with the all caps bolded headline, “DO NOT UBER ALONE!!!”

Every basic Becky has been sharing it. Here’s one.

“Uhhh my Gahhhddd!! The sex traffickers are like, totally gonna kidnap me in da Uber!!”

This woman is a nurse somehow, and couldn’t see through this obvious lie. Uber is a gigantic and very well known corporation. It should common sense that if Uber were in fact employing 11 drivers in one city who were routinely drugging and kidnapping women, that they it would be much, much, much bigger news. For starters, there would be missing women all over Cambridge and Boston. But there aren’t. Victor Pena would be an Uber driver. But he’s not. These clams have completely lost the ability to think for themselves, and are part of a generation of idiots who blindly believe everything they see on Facebook. Hell, they have no idea who even sent this text message, or bothered to ask how they acquired this information. They saw something on Facebook that would make them run home, curl up in a blanket, read a book, make hot cocoa, and become a white girl cliche, so they blindly shared it.

Have you ever noticed how it’s always women who fall for this?

Ladies, we gotta do better. This is why we couldn’t vote until 1920 – because men assume we’re stupid, gullible, and incapable of thinking for ourselves. Please, stop feeding into this stereotype. Stop making the rest of us look bad!!

My alter ego Brooklyn Kennedy (feel free to follow me while you still can) attempted to point this out.

“How is this fake???”

Gee whiz, how can an unconfirmed and not even remotely believable story about Uber sex trafficking NOT be true? I can’t imagine how that’s possible. Of course I was immediately blocked by nurse Brianna Butler for pointing out to her that she’s spreading lies and misinformation for attention on Facebook.

Then there’s this one, which has been shared over 1,000 times.

This is no joke!! Don’t leave your drinks alone!! Even though this text message I’m sharing says that the Uber guy is the one who slips you the date rape drug, not the creep at the bar!! SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!!

Girl, you live in Brockton. You have much more real, actual things that can cause you harm on a daily basis than an Uber driver in Cambrdige.

Nevertheless, it goes without saying that there’s no Uber driving sex trafficking conspiracy, and if you see someone sharing this it’s your civic duty to mock them and point out how stupid they are. It’s the only way to fight back against this nonsense and insanity.

30 Comment(s)
  • Jim
    January 25, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    LOL probably brought to you by the Boston cab Assoc.

  • Mom's Basement
    January 25, 2019 at 10:06 am

    So how exactly does this work for the hypothetical consumer? Can you order one of these girls directly from uber? Do they accept Venmo?

  • Ron Burgundy
    January 24, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Women’s brains are a third of the size of a man’s. It’s science!

  • what
    January 24, 2019 at 9:32 pm

    Why is it that pretty much every one of the women posted look as if they are already sex workers?

  • Woke Wendy
    January 24, 2019 at 6:18 pm

    Dumb liberal White Chics. Wtf ladies, if all 11 drivers kidnapped just 1 person each that would be 11 missing women on the news 24/7, it would be reported in China and Spain. Do you think the police wouldn’t have picked up the drivers immediately at held them to get to the kingpins running the Liberal White Girl Sex Slave operation….

    Besides there are plenty of skinny white chics who will suck ur dick for $20 or less to buy their next bag.

    It is all part of a female fantasy that makes them the center of every man’s desire. A sexually animated ghost story for the resistance aka dumb ass white chics, who are woke cuz they voted for Obama and Warren.

    Omg…. stupid beyond belief…

    • Turtz McGurtz
      January 24, 2019 at 7:46 pm

      Fucking astounding level of stupidity at play here.

  • A Top Investigator
    January 24, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    You’re right, Brianna !! I hereby deputize you as my assistant top investigator. Now let’s sit on the bed, uncross our legs and get to work.

  • Major Woody
    January 24, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    I want her to give me a naughty nurse sponge bath. Then I can get something straight between us.

  • vic
    January 24, 2019 at 2:26 pm

    Anybody know where Brianna works as a nurse and who is her friend with the black skirt and black boots??

  • vic
    January 24, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    IF any of these ladies want to share their FindMyFriend location with me, I would make sure they are always safe and bathed in unctuous smooth protein shower gel

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Kevin Cullen
    January 24, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    This happened to ME TOO! I was down at SouthBay the other day when a cult member tried to to entice me into his rape van. I gave him a right-hook and was able to break free. This happens to men more than you know. #ME TOO.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Mike Barnicle
      January 24, 2019 at 3:16 pm

      Men do this.

  • Y
    January 24, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    Allyssa’s boyfriend is a cuck; she should call me, and I can show her what a real cock looks like: short, shriveled and a little to the left.

  • Jon Casey
    January 24, 2019 at 1:53 pm

    Do you think we could get ride share for Liz, Ayanna, AOC, and Rachel in Cambridge soon?? Wouldn’t mind if they were shipped off in a container anywhere but here. Who am I kidding, nobody would pay for them. Uugghhhh

  • Stupid is as stupid does
    January 24, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    Can’t fix stupid, right Brianna?

  • marilu
    January 24, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    Soo who are all these hot brunette bitches lol what do they have to do with anything

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    January 24, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    This whole thing was started by the Management of Lyft – they are just trying to put Uber out of business.

  • Meredith
    January 24, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    Really. I saw this yesterday and rolled my eyes. I also don’t bother with the nonsense that is Instagram or Twitter.

  • Maggie the Cat
    January 24, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Does anyone remember these song lyrics from some years ago?: “Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep. Starts when you’re always afraid, step out of line, the man come and take you away:” I don’t know who wrote or sang that song, but that person might have been even better than Tesla at predicting the future.

    • Rockets Redglare
      January 24, 2019 at 2:22 pm

      Buffalo Springfield, ” For what its worth “…

  • Rockets Redglare
    January 24, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    For anyone who has read George Orwells 1984, the signs are here today…

    • Rockets Redglare
      January 24, 2019 at 2:21 pm

      Buffalo Springfield, ” For what its worth “…

  • don
    January 24, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    the dumbing down of america. someone hears something and thinks its true so they have to make sure every one of their friends also have to think its true. she might be good looking but she is definately dumb as can be. im sure all the guys she has ever been with are hiding their heads in shame right now. such stupidity at a high level.

  • Bill Clinton
    January 24, 2019 at 12:21 pm

    the best thing about an idiot like Briana is she believes you when you say “dont worry i won’t cum in your mouth”

  • skeptic
    January 24, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    so don’t uber alone….and I guess if you uber with a friend, make sure you both don’t drink the magic water or chew the magic gum?

  • z
    January 24, 2019 at 11:52 am

    The perps are using the Tesla Time Traveling Machine and sending them to the Future.

    If they got sent to the past they’d do something to warn their future selves they would be sent to the past. That would be stupid.

    Damned if I know why someone who had the Tesla Time Traveling Machine would do it though. You could consistently corner the market on commodities and rule the world if you knew what and when the commodities would be important.

  • z
    January 24, 2019 at 11:28 am

    To hell with the nurses.

    How about the plaid skirt under the 2nd Do Not Uber Alone!!!! picture!!!!

  • Dirty Frank
    January 24, 2019 at 11:19 am

    Is Brianna the type of nurse who touches the penis?

    (crossing fingers)

  • Low Hanging Fruit
    January 24, 2019 at 11:16 am

    Jill Attardo? More like Jill ReTARDo!

  • vic
    January 24, 2019 at 11:13 am

    If Briana is a nurse, judging by these pics, I want to be a patient in the hospital where she works …

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