The Mommy Mailbox Fupasloth And A Failed Substitute Teacher Crashed Turtleboy Live Premier And Got Destroyed By Hundreds Of Turtle Riders

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The premier episode of Turtleboy Live was a smashing success. We have some kinks to work out to make it less ghettofied, but nonetheless we had a great time and we’re gonna do this at least twice a week moving forward. Probably on Tuesday and Friday nights. If you don’t have Facebook you can still listen to the show in these blogs. But seriously, I know some people are resistant to sign up for Facebook. I get it. But just make a burner account. We have five million of them. That way you can follow all the debauchery and still be a hipster that’s not selling out to corporate America. Here’s tonight’s episode, where we discussed TJ Allen’s ginger murderer,

As you can see, the user interaction was off the charts. Hundreds of comments and thousands of people watching. The best is when the trolls showed up. First we had Jill Porter:


Or as Spencer Turtleboy called her – Mommy Mailbox. Because we just blogged about this chick yesterday after she hit three mailboxes in Douglas, high as a kite, on Main Street, at 1 PM, with her infant in the backseat. What a mugshot:


Then this guy showed up and got destroyed by turtle riders:

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Dan Margolis is apparently a substitute teacher (glorified babysitter) who hopes to one day milk the taxpayers by creating his own non-profit:


Good thing he went to a private college in Boston like Northeastern. That degree is clearly paying dividends as he covers for real teachers with the flu. Imagine being a 7th grader, and you’re on your way to Chemistry class with the real strict teacher, and then you get there and you see this squid at the teacher’s desk:



It’s gonna be a fuuuuunnnnn class!!

He was confused, because he’s kind of obsessed with this whole “there is one Turtleboy and he should say who he is or I’ll keep posting about it” thing. Because that’s wicked original. Then his brain exploded when he saw that there were clearly two Turtleboys on the show, and one Turtleboy actively commenting on the Turtleboy live page itself. Meaning there are at least three of us. Maybe more. Who knows. That’s the fun of it all. Only a loser would wanna ruin the fun. Turtle riders absolutely destoyed this nudnik, and it was fantastic theater.

Anyway, we’re gonna keep having more guests on these. Definitely need to get more Turtleboys and turtle riders on the show. If you’re interested in joining send us a message and we’ll see what we can do. See ya next episode.









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8 Comment(s)
  • Dick Dover
    January 14, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    Carefull Comrade, this Informeller Mitarbeiter most likely wants to report you to the Stasi.

  • Turtlerider
    January 14, 2017 at 5:34 am

    Feisty why don’t you just go somewhere out to pasture. We are so sick of you.

    • BobnMic Is A Dickhead
      January 14, 2017 at 7:23 am

      Does anyone want to join my circle jerk? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Pitiful try
    January 14, 2017 at 12:44 am

    Must have wanted to be embarrassed today, in front of thousands of people.

  • Joe Shmidlap
    January 14, 2017 at 12:15 am

    I will definitely be tuning in next time! Also the Law Offices of Shmidlap and Shmidlap may need to hire Fiestylawyerlady and put her on the payroll.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    January 13, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    Holla! I was there. I used a fake account that I use for selling things on my neighborhood page I was banned from on my real account!!!!!!! They are still buying my stuff and have no idea!

    “Please leave the money in the mail slot, hope you enjoy the item!! <3 xoxo"

    Anyhow, great session. I think two days a week is sufficient. There were lots of comments. I think the best one was "Kevin Lynch loves the tip!!" (hehehehe)….I think the TB interaction was definitely key and should continue to remain that way.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      January 14, 2017 at 4:10 am

      Pick me pick me pick me PAAlease pick me oh oh oh oh. I want to come there sooo bad it hurts my vagina. As muffed up, swollen and discolored as it is. I LOVE the attention if you have not figured it out yet TB. PLEEEase pick me I will do anything to be on Turtleboy live. wink wink. I can suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch. You should have read the comments in the male and female bathroom stalls at my high school. I fucking rock this shit babe.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        January 14, 2017 at 8:03 am

        Only another woman who is clearly insecure can make these types of statements while posing as me. I’m so fucking turned on that I have upset you so much you have resulted to stalking me…

        *Licks fingers, plays with nipples*

        P.S. Marie Guilmette from ATHOL who teaches welding to junkies in Boston at Wentworth, I don’t find you attractive at all. You’re fucking hideous. I’m turned on by anger, definitely not your looks. Your face is enough to make my well so dry not even aqua lube can fix it.

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