The Sandwich Chad Arrested For Throwing Open Can Of Beer At Alex Cora During Parade Is The Broiest Bro Who Ever Broed, But I Still Say Free Muh Boi

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WHDHA 19-year-old Sandwich man is facing several charges after he allegedly hit Boston Red Sox manager Alex Cora with a thrown beer during the team’s World Series victory Parade on Wednesday. Detectives who saw Patrick Connolly hit Cora with the projectile as he passed by in a Duck Boat on Boylston Street around 11:40 a.m. found him holding a Natural Light beer can and placed him under arrest, according to court documents. Connolly told detectives, “I love Cora. I didn’t mean to hit him,” the documents said. Cora was not injured in the incident.

As Connolly was being booked, he allegedly said, “That was stupid. I wasn’t trying to hit Cora.” Connolly was arraigned in Boston Municipal Court Wednesday afternoon on charges including assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon, disorderly conduct, and being a minor in possession of alcohol. He was released on personal recognizance and is due back in court in November.

A lot of people sent us this story, but I’m sorry folks, I gotta go free muh boi on this one. Obviously he didn’t mean to hurt anyone, he’s just a dumbass 19 year old with bad aim who doesn’t understand parade beer throwing etiquette. I’ve been to these parades before, and throwing beers at players is just what you do. They invite it. They just all can’t have hands like Gronk.

I know Alex Cora didn’t ask anyone to throw him a beer, but shit happens when you have players in duckboats asking drunken boobs to throw beers at them. Either make it clear to the players and the fans ahead of time that this tradition is over, or deal with the occasional beer to the face at our next duckboat parade in 3 months.

Patrick Connolly from Sandwich has to be the broiest bro who’s ever broed.

To the surprise of no one he grew up playing hockey.

He’s 19 years old and looks like he owns at least 4-5 articles of clothing that contain the words, “Saturdays are for the boys.” He’s the kind of Chad who wears flat brimmed hats and only buttons the top button of his baseball shirts.

I will say this though – he’s got a lot to learn about beer throwing etiquette. Everyone knows you don’t throw open cans of beer if you expect the person you’re throwing to to drink it. That’s day one stuff. Sure, it’s probably a lot safer to do that, but it defeats the purpose of it. All they’re gonna get is wet. You can’t chug an empty beer. Plus, who throws a beer at Cora? AC is a grown ass man. If he chugs a beer at the parade his wife is gonna make clean the bathroom when he gets home. Not worth it. You only throw beers at players or Gronk’s brothers, and they have to be under 30 years old. I don’t make the parade rules, I just respect them.

If Bro-back Mountain wants to come on the Live show on Saturday night to explain his side of the story we’d love to have him. Hit us up Patrick, or we’ll probably just call you anyway.

Obviously Patrick Connolly just wanted to be cool and tell his friends that he got Cora to drink a beer, but unfortunately for him he learned a hard lesson about what happens when keeping it bro goes wrong. So yea, easy with pearl clutching folks.

13 Comment(s)
  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    January 30, 2019 at 9:10 am

    With an arm that accurate, they should sign him

  • Lower Cape Lenny
    November 2, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    If you live on the Cape year round and you’re under the age of 65 the odds are that you got something not quite right upstairs.

  • Jim
    November 2, 2018 at 9:06 am

    He shoulda had it

  • Turd Ferguson
    November 2, 2018 at 1:14 am

    First of all, most people from Sandwich are closet drunks.

    Second, they should make this young man a Selectman for having the balls to drink in public.

    Third, Liz Warren is still a cunt… and if she lived on the Cape she would likely live in Sandwich where having balls is against town bylaws.

  • Crispy C
    November 1, 2018 at 11:14 pm

    Someone shave this homos head!

    • Lizzy is Dizzy
      November 2, 2018 at 10:43 am

      I think she would choose to live in Burn.

  • Alex the Bitch
    November 1, 2018 at 9:13 pm

    Fuck Cora. He should have just caught the goddam fucking beer, drank it, and stopped being a whiny bitch about it.

  • deflateddoritodinks
    November 1, 2018 at 1:16 pm

    “CASE DISMISSED! Bring on Lilly Langtree!” Judge Roy Bean.

  • Justice
    November 1, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    1) Kid is dumb. True. Total dumbass for sure, but did TBS give a pass to the kids (supposedly) having sex in the waters of the beach two or so years ago. Weren’t THEY just dumb kids with poor judgement? You thrived on humiliating them.

    2) Gronk is just awesome! Of course he caught it. He can do anything and looks so cool doing it.

  • Y
    November 1, 2018 at 11:46 am

    Are you sure he isn’t Brantford Winstonworth, the original Ultimate Lax Bro?

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 1, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Of course you think he shouldn’t face justice.
    He’s a white male.

    • Brosworth van Brotherton
      November 1, 2018 at 12:07 pm

      Go suck a dick. You’re a complete tool

    • Burlando Castile
      November 1, 2018 at 12:34 pm

      Does anyone else suspect Randall Guy of being AIDS Skrillex from YouTube with that kind of language?

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