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A few people messaged us today about an article that old man Carlo Baldino published in the Telegram bashing Turtleboy Sports. Basically he did what Clive did – blame our marketing consultant for writing all the blogs on here. We didn’t pursue it because Old Man Baldino and Turtleboy are not on the same level. Like, if I wanted to start a rivalry with some dooshnozzle like Perez Hilton I wouldn’t expect him to recognize our existence. Why would he? We have more to gain from that. Same shit here. No one gives a shit that Old Man Baldino recently finally put his typewriter and abacus aside and figured out how to write a blog.
But the blog the Telegram put out today was nothing less than the ramblings of a senile old man who forgot to take his pills. Ya see, this is the same man who is married to Joyce McNickles – the mastermind behind Turtleboy Boycott 2015. I’m assuming his trophy wife told him that her attempt to be Worcester’s Rosa Parks was backfiring. So she sat there and told Carlo what to type.
Among the several things he did was make up a story about someone’s mother giving birth to 12 kids and posting pictures of people’s wives. This happened in the Worcester Telegram and Gazette – a “real” actual newspaper.
But guess what? The story got pulled!! Ya got that? Pulled. That’s NEVER happened before at the Telegram. Do you realize how bad an article it has to be for the Telegram to pull it down??!! Do you realize just how TERRIBLE, loathsome, and offensive you have to be for that to happen? Carlo crossed the line that has never been crossed before. This is the face of the protesters.
Then he went on to say that Turtleboy supporters are “mostly white male tea-party conservatives who don’t believe in climate change, women’s rights, the existence of racism, gay marriage, etc. They’re typical Republican conservatives.”
As you know, we don’t do politics here, but if I had to poll our audience, I’d say it’s like 60% conservatives. But we got tons of liberals on here. I like liberals. They’re fun because they like to bend the rules. But no one likes people like Baldino and his trophy wife, who are liberal for all the wrong reasons. They use liberalism as an excuse to take offense to everything and shit on the police. That’s not what being liberal is about. Being liberal is about smoking pot, pounding beers, making out, accepting people who are different from you, and not waking up full of shame in the morning.
But is there any truth to this nonsensical rambling? Are you people a bunch of honky old tea party dudes who don’t believe in the existence of racism? Let’s take a look at our audience from Google Analytics:
Wait, 47% of our readers are female?? How can that be?? But, but, but…Turtleboy is SEXIST!!!
But surely you MUST be really OLD, since you’re all a bunch of conservative tea party windbags:
Oh wait, you mean Carlo is the only person reading this who’s cashing social security checks? You mean over 77% of you people are between the ages of 18-44? That can’t be!!!
He also said this about you people: “Turtleboy’s use of language is viewed by his ideological supporters as “the truth” and “his opinion,” and “not racist,” but it’s offensive to many women and people of color, and they’re not going to sit back and let him continue what they perceive as racist, sexist, insulting, vitriolic rants. So they’re taking action.”
Yea, don’t you people get it? It’s not the truth. It can’t be the truth. It’s just GOTTA be racist. If it’s not then what are people like Old Balls Baldino and his trophy wife Joyce supposed to do? What else can he possibly write about? Do you wanna hear him talk about that time him and his friends shot marbles outside the Woolworth’s before going inside for some salt water taffy?
Then there was this gem:
“He has reason to worry—two sponsors dropped out within hours of being contacted.”
Whatever makes you sleep at night ya silly old man. The truth of the matter is one of our sponsors did express concern because they had no clue who Joyce McNickles was when she began the email harassment campaign. So we sent them this:
That’s when they realized they were dealing with a psychopath who thinks it’s OK for hippies to chain themselves to barrels on a highway. Naturally they stopped taking her seriously after reading that she said that if people in ambulances “are inconvenienced by protests….so be it…I say keep on marching.”
Hey Howard Beale, I understand that you’re mad as hell right now, but at least if you’re gonna write a blog make sure you have SOMETHING in there that’s remotely close to being truthful. Instead he threw around more hilarious anecdotes like this:
“not only will his advertisers lose customers of color, they’ll also lose customers who are white allies. You know, the people who are attacked as “wiggers,” “wannabes,” and “traitors to their race” and are “ashamed to be white.”
Yea, we use the phrase “traitors to their race” pretty frequently hear at Turtleboy Sports. I can’t find any, but I’m sure they DEFINITELY exist. Seriously, does this guy want a red badge of courage for marrying an angry African-American woman? Like, he WANTS us to call him a traitor to the race for marrying someone who isn’t white, right? Dude, it’s 2015. No one gives a shit if you married a black woman. This isn’t like your old high school days at Commerce High. You’re not a traitor the white race. You’re just an embarrassment to the human race.
“Turtleboy claims the businesses that support his blog are doing great, but he’s delusional if he thinks he has anything to do with their success.”
You’re right Carlo, the writers had very little to do with it. We just provided the medium for the counter-boycott. The people who actually went to those places and flooded them with new customers are the ones who made the real difference. And it’s all because of your lovely wife Joyce. She CREATED all that business that didn’t exist. Which is ironically the exact opposite of what a boycott is intended to do. Oh yea, and we’ve apparently picked up some new advertisers for April since your little charade began. Thanks Carlo!!
The bottom line is it’s past your bed time old man. Next time when you get the 4 o’clock early bird special, just take your medicine afterwards and call it a night. Be humbled that we even recognized your existence. It’s easily the highlight of your pathetic, sad career.
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