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So I don’t know if you guys are aware or not, but the government is currently under partial shutdown. 800,000 federal employees are currently and rather abruptly out of work, but who really cares about that anyway? It was all essentially just political propaganda fodder and angry Facebook exchanges until it was announced that foodstamps may be affected. Then shit got real.
Like, Purge real. Bridgette over here was ready to go full on Viva la Revolution on the White House.
This is definitely the face of the resistance.
Terrifying. Get this woman her foodstamps, STAT!
Things really took a turn toward the End of Days yesterday, though, when today there was a nationwide outage of EBT machines.
It’s the welfarepcalypse y’all. Natasha called it. This could be it, the closest thing you’ll ever see to a zombie apocalypse in your lifetime. Hundreds of thousands of pajama pants stumbling out onto the streets, leaving shopping carts of Hungry Man dinners and soda pop abandoned in barren grocery aisles, rioting. Buildings will burn, roadways will crumble. This is the End of the world as we know it, and because I buy my own damn food, I feel fine.
Don’t get me wrong, I do understand why people would leave full shopping carts abandoned and just leave – no one would be restocking the shelves if the credit card machine was suddenly announced to be down. They pay someone for that, and that’s good. But, here’s the thing. The “S” in “SNAP” stands for supplemental – meaning the assistance you get isn’t supposed to cover your entire food bill, just supplement it. There are ways to budget $640 a month for a family of four. But it’s not a particularly glamorous diet. I also understand Nearly three-quarters of adults who participate in SNAP in a typical month work either that month or within a year of that month of participation. But often in unstable jobs, and besides that, I find it equally irritating to have tax dollars subsidize large corporations (I’m looking at you, Wal-Mart), shitty wages and hours and lack of benefits as I do tax dollars supporting able bodied work-age people who just… don’t work. Social welfare is supposed to be temporary in nature, and the fact everyone is freaking the fuck out over this prospect is patently absurd. It’s even more absurd that the stripped down, un-sensationalist reality is that these so called “entitlements” are probably not in any real jeopardy anyway. Regardless, the mass panic of potentially not receiving benefits is insane, because why the hell are all these people depending on a handout, when by definition it’s not dependable? We live in a country built on industry, and self sufficiency is the legacy. We have to do better than this.
And get the hell out of here with the “people are going to starve” hysteria – Sixty-nine percent of all Americans over the age of 20 are overweight or obese. I think we’ll be ok. I’ll give you an example of an ideally balanced, nutritionally sound meal – Rice and beans. Beans are a low-glycemic-index food that makes a person feel full, so they eat less of other things. Beans are also full of fiber, potassium, folate, iron, manganese and magnesium, and they are cholesterol- and fat-free. Brown rice is also a low-glycemic index food full of fiber, B vitamins, folic acid, Iron, Magnesium, Selenium, with only trace amounts of fat and sodium. A pound of brown rice currently costs only $0.89
And 20 lbs of dried beans can be purchased for just a little over $20.
Throw in some fruits and vegetables, which can be purchased frozen for as little as $1 for a ten ounce bag and pack as much nutrition as fresh, and look at you, sunshine. You’re surviving.
I know it may sound cold, but considering the starvation some parts of the world still truly endure
It’s just reality. Your parents weren’t chiding you about starving children in Africa because they expected you to ship over your uneaten peas and carrots, they were trying to teach you gratitude. God forbid you don’t get your government funded Mountain Dew and Cheese Whizz next month, though.
And unlike the emaciated children pictured above, we have a choice here – the job market. If you don’t get your foodstamps in March, or hell, even if you do, you can go out and get a job. A second job, even, if you have to. Although I doubt that’s what this hysteria will do. We can all just panic, threatened revolt from the safety of behind a keyboard connected to the internet, and then sigh a collective breathe of complicit relief when the Welfarepaclypse 2019 is averted.
The real question here, is, though, with all these early payments going out, who’s got foodstamps for sale here?