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Some day your child will ask you, “Mommy/Daddy, what was Tom Brady like.” And you will them that he was a God amongst men. Then he or she will ask you, “Mommy/Daddy, where were you when Tom Brady won his fourth Super Bowl?” And you will tell them that you were at the Perfect Game and because you correctly predicted the correct score you won $2,500 and because of that they get to go to college.
Oh yea, and during halftime you can tell your beautiful child that you got to watch some poor fat bastard try to eat a Gronk Sandwich. Ever heard of it? It’s a REALLY healthy sandwich composed of a 24oz burger topped with 8 slices of bacon, 7 pieces of kielbasa, ¼ pound of american cheese smothered with onion rings, and a shitload of fries. If you finish it then it’s free. But most likely you’re not gonna finish.
Here’s what happened to the last guy who tried to eat one of these bad boys during the Colts Massacre. First the meal was presented:
Then the unsuspecting victim stared at what would soon become a Gronk sized dump:
You know how I could tell this guy had no shot? Because he was dressed like he was going to the club and his buddy’s wearing a tie clip:
I have no faith in a guy like that finishing a Gronk sandwich. It’s gotta be a guy who clearly has no intention of getting laid. Someone with nothing to lose. That guy looks like he’s trying to get laid. Look, a Gronk sandwich isn’t pretty. You’re gonna be twice the man physically but half the man mentally that you once were after you’re done. No one’s gonna wanna kiss you. You’re gonna clog up the bathroom. But the guy gave it a shot:
Just as I predicted the outcome was inevitable:
That right there ladies and gentlemen is a defeated man. After he got to the bathroom he gave “deflategate” a whole new meaning. Hey girls, anyone wanna MAKE OUT??!!!! Come on, WHY NOT??!!!
Oh yea, and here’s another reason to go down to the Perfect Game. They’re introducing a shot we’re gonna call “Fear the Turtle.” It’s a magical shot with vodka and a bunch of other shit that makes it turn green. It’s the official shot of Turtleboy Sports.
If you mention this blog or make a reference to Turtleboy Sports, then there’s a discout in it for you. I fully expect those shots to be flowing hard at around 9:45 when the chosen people of New England are rightly granted another duckboat parade.
As for my official Turtleboy prediction, I was on the Jim Polito show on WTAG this morning, and like I said on there I’m going out on a limb and saying Patriots are gonna win by 13. Although I don’t really feel like it’s going out on a limb. Don’t forget, the Patriots annihilated a very good Indy team who just won AT Denver. Meanwhile Seattle should’ve lost to Green Bay. They were down 16-0 at halftime and only came back and won because Mike McCarthy is a moron and their fourth string tight end tried being a hero on the onsides kick.
Never mind how pissed off the Patriots are gonna be. This is a team that has so much to prove. You think Brady is gonna go down in history as the guy who won three Super Bowls by the age of 27 and then never won again? You think Belichick is gonna lose to Pete Carroll? You think Belichick is gonna let Internet trolls spew nonsense about not winning it all since Spygate? You think Tom Brady is gonna let his hero Joe Montana talk shit about him? Do you think he’s gonna go down in history as the 2nd best quarterback of all time? Do you think they’re gonna let people say, “they can’t win without deflated balls?” If you do then you clearly don’t know Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. They are gonna be a million times more motivated than they were in 2007 and 2011. I genuinely fear for the Seahawks safety and I hope none of them get seriously hurt. It’s just a game after all.
Patriots 30, Seahawks 17.
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9 Comment(s)
It’s a post about a guy trying to eat a ridiculous meal and it became an expose on the terrible people from Charlestown . This is worse than the Telegram comments.
What I’m most disappointed in was the part where you said, “Just as I predicted…” and you made no mention of his tribal tat or the cigarette/cell phone stack on the bar. Poor form, TB.
And you will tell them that you were at the Perfect Game and because you correctly predicted the correct score you won $2,500 and because of that they get to go to college.
………………………..
Only in Worcester the trash capital would $2500 be enough for a college education for your kids. Presumably it’s enough because you only have 2 kids and they each flunked out of Quinsig during their first semester. Which would be “so Worcester it hurts”. Which would also be funny because you likely would consider that embarrassing failure to be considered an “education”, we all know how finishing at Qunisig is like finishing at Harvard for you dirty, scum ridden Worcester types.
Cool life!
Quinsig*
You must not only be a graduate, but one of the smartest people in that desolate, post-industrial, crippling depression factory, being able to correct my typo with the proper spelling. With intellect like yours, why, I bet you might be smart enough to be a custodian!
Calm down fuckboi
Harold must be from the Boston suburbs… but tells people he is from Boston. Now THAT is what I call a cool life.
Charlestown born and raised, actually, but nice try. And even if I were, so what? Yeah, what an awful life being from wealthy affluent suburbs with unlimited access to an amazing city. I would so much rather live in an afterthought dump 45 minutes away where poverty and general self-loathing are the 2 main imports, obviously!
Oh yeah, and, most people from Worcester try to claim to others outside of New England that they are from Boston. So, there goes your entire point! LOL. Loser.
C’mon man, Shrewsbury Street is calling you.
First round on me.
Harold is a little slow and couldn’t pick up on Turtleboy’s sarcasm.