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In case you haven’t heard, Tom Brady’s four game suspension has been upheld by comrade Roger Goodell today. At first I had the same reaction as every other blue blooded New Englander – this is the greatest miscarriage of justice the world has ever seen. But when you think about it, it’s actually the best thing that could ever happen.

It’s really simple – Brady is gonna sue them in federal court, and courts in America are designed to work slowly. Meanwhile he’ll be playing football. This means there is a 100% chance he’ll be there for the season opener against Pittsburgh. Legal experts are saying that this can take anywhere from 1-3 years. AKA Brady will not miss a single game of this season. There’s actually a good chance that Brady will be retired by the time this is all said and done.

And obviously Brady will win in court, because the justice system isn’t a communist dictatorship like the NFL. So at the end of the day Brady will play out his career without missing a game, win at least one more Super Bowl, and clear his name in a court of law. At that point it will be clear that he is the greatest of all time, and it’s not really close either. Joe Montana might’ve won four Super Bowls, but he never had to destroy the NFL in federal court. Brady will have done that. It will be the greatest accomplishment in world history.

Good guys win.

Roger Goodell at this point is just here for our amusement. This is the same idiot who just reduced Greg Hardy’s 10 game suspension to four games after beating the shit out of his ex-girlfriend on top of a cache of weapons. He’s getting the same suspension as a guy who destroyed his own cell phone. So basically what the NFL is just saying is that a woman’s life is worth the same as a cell phone. The message is clear – if Brady had just smashed his cell phone over Giselle’s head his suspension would be reduced. That should help repair the NFL’s image with women.

The problem with Goodell is that he let his own pride get in the way. He had a dick measuring contest with Tom Brady and he’s mad because Brady wouldn’t let him win. He just couldn’t get over the fact that Brady wouldn’t hand over his phone to him. Because in his mind, he is God. When he asks for something, he gets it. He doesn’t care if you are the greatest QB in NFL history. You wanna whip it out and measure it? Goodell doesn’t back down. Doesn’t matter how much of an incompetent moron he ends up looking like.

One last thing. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – anyone who thinks Bob Kraft isn’t an asshole is delusional. And if you’re calling him Mr. Kraft, like he’s your 7th grade chemistry teacher, then you’re a moron. Because you only call people “Mr.” when they’ve earned your respect. Bob Kraft sold your team and your quarterback down the river by not fighting the loss of the first round draft pick. When we first heard he wasn’t fighting it, we said that if he hadn’t worked out a deal for a suspension reduction under the table, than he was putting his own financial interests ahead of the team and the fans. And it turns out that’s exactly what he did. The other 31 butthurt owners mean more to him than Tom Brady and Patriots fans.

No biggie. TB is here for the whole season and training camp starts tomorrow. Damn it feels good to be Pats fan.

P.S. There’s never been a better time to get your Free TB or Je Suis TB t-shirts. Support the greatest freedom fighters around as we break the chains of repression.

Click the picture to buy your Free Tom Brady/Turtleboy or Je Suis Tom Brady/Turtleboy t-shirts.

Click here to buy your I Am Turtleboy bumper stickers and decals.