Top 10 Tweets Benjamin Allbright Deleted While He Pretended His Account Was Hacked By Russians Today


Our boy Benny Boy Allbright claimed he was hacked by the Russians today. I shit you not this really happened:

Just to be clear – 99% of people who claim they were hacked are lying. Don’t take my word for it, just ask Benny Boy.

I honestly can’t stop laughing at this.

He (probably) wrote a bunch of shit in Russian, pretending to be the guy who hacked his account (probably), disputed his own IT expertise (probably), called himself a pathological liar (probably), and ransomed the account back to himself (probably). Magically it was restored within a couple hours and he announced that he had deleted a bunch of tweets.

Basically everyone’s starting to realize what a psychotic pathological liar this dickwad is, and a lot of his old tweets are coming back to bite him in the ass, so he went into cleanup mode. Unfortunately for him screenshots are forever. (probably) Let’s relive his top 10 greatest hits.


10. Lived in Chicago 3 years “during Jordan,” even though “during Jordan” clearly implies the 90’s, and he wouldn’t have been old enough to remember and appreciate Jordan when he says he lived there.


9. Grandfather was involved in moon landing.



8. Scored high 140’s on MENSA.



7. Grandma was 100% Native American, yet he’s 1/4 Jewish and 3/4 German.

Our historians have found documented evidence of his ancestors on the Trail of Tears.



6. Great Uncle was a speechwriter for Rockefeller.



5. Speaks tons of languages, including Greek, Latin, Hebrew, Arabic, and English.


4. Majored in pretty much everything.



3. All his family (except his 100% Native American grandmother) is from Europe and changed their name from Olbrecht. His great uncle, who was killed by a firing squad, was one of the masterminds behind the Valkyrie plot.



2. He’s from the mean streets of Chicago, East St. Louis, Kansas City, Little Rick, Tampa, and now Denver.

Fact check – true.


1. His great Uncle Ollbrecht tried to kill Hitler in the Valkyrie plot, so the rest of his family fled the Nazis after bravely hiding Jews (even though 25% of them were also Jewish and/or Native Americans living in Europe).



But let’s be honest – he’s being modest. He hasn’t even mentioned his time leading the Continental Army.

Or the fact that he was chosen by Dick Cheney and George W. Bush (albeit reluctantly, since he’s such a loose canon) to lead the invasion to get Sadaam.


He fought valiantly at D-Day.

Iwo Jima

And Nam.

He was injured by in the line of duty and luckily was bunked up with his favorite Lt.

For his courage under fire he received awards from three Presidents in a row.

He made appearances on late night TV shows.

And being the noble, principled, whistle blower that he is, he also participated in the vets against the Vietnam War march in Washington.

And while he was there he attended and ruined a Black Panther party.

Finally he went to go visit the whore who used him for sperm so she could give birth before dying of AIDS.

And coming soon to a runway near you….


Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


39 Comment(s)
  • Hard to Swallow Pills
    August 22, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    Just because you’re military or police does not make you a hero, or even a decent person.

  • Typical
    August 22, 2019 at 12:08 pm

    Why is it that people like this get a total pass from their followers for having nothing more than a kernel of truth to their story? The fact that he seems to have served is enough for people to defend him on various platforms. It’s like when Liz Warren’s fraction of a percent of Native American ancestry was announced. Obviously it made her no less of a liar. If it’s ever revealed that he was accepted to some kind of Harvard extension or affiliated certificate program rather than the actual Law School no doubt he’ll get a pass on that too.

  • LaLoosh
    August 22, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    point of note for the editor that makes all of this even funnier. The German general who tried to overthrow Hitler was Olbricht, not Olbrecht.

    The point was obvious that he’s full of shit, but…just sayin’…ya know.

    • Real_Finn
      August 22, 2019 at 4:18 pm

      “The German general who tried to overthrow Hitler was Olbricht, not Olbrecht.”

      But – you missed the part about his family changing the spelling of their name.

      Olbricht => Olbrecht => Allbright => Asshole


  • Kevin Spacey
    August 22, 2019 at 11:36 am

    What’s his next move? If I was him I’d come out as a gay. Worked wonders for me, I sucked it in Nantucket baby!

    • Heather
      August 22, 2019 at 2:29 pm

      I was counting on a Veneyard home for the summer and you blew it out of the water.

  • Elizabeth Warren D-MA
    August 22, 2019 at 11:33 am

    Ben. You and I should talk. Native American ancestry is no joke. We should pass the peace pipe and rehearse….I mean reminisce

  • Yo Yo Yiggity Yo
    August 22, 2019 at 11:15 am

    Dude needs to just get off Twitter for a bit. Go outside, play in traffic.

  • Real_Finn
    August 22, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Ben twatted :
    “This was me doing it, it wasn’t due to account compromise earlier. Honestly, I’ve been a pretty terrible person over the years. Trolling Flat-Earthers & moon fake conspiracy guys w/ obvious nonsense, brow-beating people”

    Notice how he tries to soften the “I was an asshole” admission by claiming he was only a dick to “flat-earthers & moon fake conspiracy guys”?

    No, Ben – you’re an equal opportunity dick-wad and liar to everyone that questioned or didn’t believe your horse shit.

    Get Fucked,

  • randiguy2006
    August 22, 2019 at 10:28 am

    What branch did TB serve in?

    • ElJefe72
      August 22, 2019 at 3:12 pm

      So you have to have served in the military in order to be an asshole on Twitter (and I’m sure I’m real life too)?

      • ElJefe72
        August 22, 2019 at 3:14 pm

        And a liar?

    • Kim Wescott
      August 23, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      So, Ten-Hut!, you have to have served in the military to expose a liar and a fraud?

      Though I was very happy to hear the perspective of a truly decorated military veteran last night on the TB podcast. Did you hear it? If not, I’d go back and listen.

      So enlighten us please…are you running a scam similar to Billie Boy? A little nervous TB might call you out? I’d be a LOT nervous, if I were you. You’d better remain under the radar for awhile, lest you become Turtle Boy Famous.

      Don’t . Poke. The. Turtle.

  • Real_Finn
    August 22, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Eerie coicidence, there was a guy from Revere – Eric Mello who faked being a Navy Seal. If you google – you’ll find that the Lowell Sun covered this story.

    He *was* in the Navy, but never a Seal. He used the same vein of deception as this asshole. Semi-truths.

    Other similarities between Eric Mello and Ben Allbright :
    1. Like Ben, Eric also claimed to be a Guess Jeans model and had a tattoo of the “Guess” logo on him. (gross)
    2. Eric also claimed “brilliance” he said he had advanced degrees in of physics (of *course* it’s physics).
    3. Eric also claimed to be a pro-motor cross racer and often stole pictures from other riders as claimed it was him. (he made sure he used the white plate).
    4. Eric also claimed “war hero” and his role was a lot more clerical than bad-ass (never overseas).
    5. Claimed to own several car washing businesses (*cough*drugs*cough*) and hugely successful.
    6. Eric drove around in an Escalade with a blue light he would attach to the dash (he was caught with it).

    Eric was caught because he was an ass-hat with a fascination with illegal fire arms. His ego got the best of him.

  • Turtz McGurtz
    August 22, 2019 at 10:05 am

    i have no idea who this person is. Some kind of NFL insider/talking head i assume from his twitter handle?

  • Stickit2ya
    August 22, 2019 at 9:32 am

    What a cowardly, lying bastard! More great work by Unky TB.

  • Baron von Munchausen
    August 22, 2019 at 8:10 am

    I believe him. I really really believe him.

  • Mike Hawk
    August 22, 2019 at 7:48 am

    Or land an airplane after the pilots lost conciousness from food poisoning?

    • Julie the Jarhead
      August 22, 2019 at 9:06 am

      “… Is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”

      My all-time favorite movie line.

  • Delusional Ben Albright
    August 22, 2019 at 4:55 am

    Why does Benjamin Albright need to make so many dubious and incredulous claims about himself and his family? Insecure, Delusional, Schizo??? It’s obvious why he did 15 and not 20.

    Keep it going Benji Boy your self destruction is entertaining.

  • Alan Funt
    August 22, 2019 at 4:35 am

    He also composed the jingle for “The General” auto insurance commercial. “For a great low rate you can get online” …

    • Lipstickhippie
      Jo Ann Pflug
      August 22, 2019 at 6:41 pm

      And when he got done writing it, he bent over and asked Shaq to fuck him up the ass.

  • Garcia Vega
    August 22, 2019 at 4:31 am

    This guy really does have issues. He needs help, but until then, keep him toasting on the spicket until he cooks up nicely, then bury him in TB graveyard. Another one who is beginning to implode all on his own.

  • Derp
    August 22, 2019 at 2:01 am

    It almost seems like he’s trolling. But he’s just a sad sociopath.

  • Commandar McBragg
    August 22, 2019 at 1:34 am

    He had posts about appearing in gay porn and beating aids

  • Allsour
    August 22, 2019 at 12:58 am

    Never heard of him. Need more photos of his enlarged head please.

  • Klancy
    August 22, 2019 at 12:33 am

    Oooh high 140’s on his Mensa!!! Was that the Stanford Binet or Cattell? That’s kinda the low end for entry. LOL
    Can we see a screen shot of those results?
    I’ll show him my 181!

    • Rumpled Foreskin
      August 22, 2019 at 3:49 pm

      I know you are attempting to dismiss Ben Alldouchbright, but it would seem to me that bragging about having an absurdly high IQ, even if true, would be, well, unintellectual-like. No?

      • Klancy
        August 22, 2019 at 4:26 pm

        Oh hell no. We’re so smart we have no friends. No one is up to our level. So we hang out at bars and brag. Very intellectual.

    • Lipstickhippie
      Lipstick Hippie
      August 22, 2019 at 6:46 pm

      181? Nice!!!! I squeezed in with somewhere around 137. Paid dues long enough to get a membership card to flash around. Several people have pointed out that my membership has expired…apparently they think when that happens, you get stupid.

  • Brian E. Guilfoyle
    August 22, 2019 at 12:21 am

    The more I read your blogging on the Allbright clown, the more his douchiness comes out. What a narcissistic asshole he is. I’m surprised he left out his Great uncle Zapruder filming Kennedy getting shot, or his great great great uncle who, on his 100% grandmothers side, helped defend the Alamo along side Davey Crocket, or that his other great great uncles fought on opposing sides at the battle of little big horn ( one was a scout for Custer)! I’m also surprised he didn’t mention it was one of his native American ancestors who provided the colonists with authentic native american garb when they tossed the tea overboard in Boston harbor….LOL

    • Paul PAINTEN
      August 22, 2019 at 1:04 am

      COOTER!! Is that really you?

      This guy has nothing on our stories!

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      August 22, 2019 at 2:17 pm

      Stop giving ideas!

    August 21, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    One of the absolute best anti-military blogs out there. Find a vet and FUCKING TRASH HIM!

    • Sgt Hukka
      August 21, 2019 at 11:51 pm

      Someone strike a nerve?

      • A Real Combat Vet
        August 22, 2019 at 7:24 am

        This self righteous douchebag deserves no mercy. Fuck him. Keep it up! Hacked by Russians! As if! Fuck him

    • captain178
      August 22, 2019 at 12:27 am

      found him in the comments

    • Natasha
      August 22, 2019 at 8:47 am

      Dude, if you’re going to try to make it look like Russians hacked you, at least use proper punctuation so it translates correctly. Also, the syntax is incorrect; no Russian would compose a sentence like that.

    • Proof
      August 22, 2019 at 9:30 am

      Turtle riders respect vets. This guy is a straight up nut. He seems to have had something to do with everything. I don’t buy his story until I see real proof. Anyone can be a vet. You say you are and therefore we have to believe it. Problem is people lie. But as for real true vets. Turtle riders definitely appreciate all they have done for this country.

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron