Triggered Trixi And White Knight Willie Are Disgusted By Kindergarteners Learning The Alphabet Through Consumerism, Here’s What The Fitchburg Alphabet Should Be

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Fitchburg has a lot of problems it needs to work on. The roads suck. People kill each other. No one speaks English. The schools are falling apart. Espressos marinara sauce tastes like Ecto Cooler.

But a local resident has discovered an issue so shocking it may require federal intervention…..

Silly ratchet, Trixi is a skid!!

I thought I’ve seen everything you could possibly be outraged by already. But every day the Internet gives me something like this and I go right back to work.

First of all, “D is for Dollar General” is the most phonetically Fitchburg thing ever.

Secondly, this is a really cool way for kids to learn. It helps them associate letters with things they see in their environment. I never heard of Zaxby’s before, but I would imagine that’s not the easiest letter to come up with.

Thirdly, there’s nothing wrong with consumerism. Do you make your kids close their eyes when you drive down the John Fitch Highway? Consumerism brings us quality products at a fair price and employs millions of people. Everyone consumes shit every day. No one is buying your fake self righteous indignation.

Her boy toy Zach showed up to defend her honor in the comments, as she was rightfully being mocked….

Oh yea, Market Basket and Marshall’s are totally NOT consumerism. Great point genius.

“I’d rather the kids learn car than Cumberlands.”

Yea, good thing Ford doesn’t make any cars.

I thought we were getting trolled once these comments started showing up….

Surely no one could be this dumb.

But then I remembered I was on the Discussing Fitchburg Now Facebook page so anything was possible….

“If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.”

Have you seen the people from Fitchburg who end up on our blog? I assure you it’s broken.

She continued….

Books, cars, apples – good thing none of those are consumer products.

As it turns out this was actually a project that kids put together last year…..

And teachers, who unlike Trixi is a skid, actually have experience in pedagogy, think it’s a good thing…

Nah, I think I’ll take their word for it instead:

P is for pubestache!

She has offered at least to make a new set to hang up:

Here’s some things she could use in Fitchburg if they really wanted to help kids associate things they see every day while riding through the Burg…..

A is for abortion

B is for Bone ride

Screen Shot 2017-03-02 at 10.06.13 PM

C is for crackheads

D is for DCF

E is for Easter

F is for Food stamps

G is for Grundle

H is for Hep-C

I is for Inside you

J is for junkie

K is for Kid Cock

L is for Level 3

M is for Moose


N is for No fucks given

O is for Oxys

P is for Prison

Screen Shot 2017-03-02 at 10.01.46 PM


Q is for Queefpie

R is for Relapse

S is for Square

Screen Shot 2017-03-02 at 10.07.02 PM

T is for Triggered

U is for Unemployed

V is for Value


W is for Wendy’s

Screen Shot 2017-03-04 at 10.08.47 PM

X is for X marks the spot

Y is for You win

Z is for Zero fucks given

Yay learning!!

17 Comment(s)
  • R is for relapse
    September 4, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    I don’t remember seeing that piece of ass before, can we get an update?

  • America Fuck Yeah
    September 1, 2018 at 3:41 pm

    Learn ABC’s and history together with this video all 10 hours in the classroom. Extended learning day.

  • Kim Wescott
    September 1, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    Brilliant, TBS! Very funny.

  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    September 1, 2018 at 10:06 am

    Katey Bancrofts chocolate starfish is calling me………….

    • Not even wid someone else’s
      September 1, 2018 at 10:51 am

      No it isn’t dude. I checked out that shesahomewrecker website to see if there were any hot skanks in my area and she’s listed like 15 times and trust me the pictures are not flattering

      • good idea
        September 1, 2018 at 3:28 pm

        that could be a good site to finds dates you know the women put out

  • Sleeping with the Enemy
    September 1, 2018 at 9:38 am

    What’s up with these “personalize with Facebook ads? For all your anti facebook blather you have no problem making money off them.

    • Hughbo Mont
      September 1, 2018 at 10:58 am

      And get rid of the fucking next blog button!!

  • Xanax
    September 1, 2018 at 9:22 am

    I can’t believe you went with x marks the spot. Dirty Burg larvae would an easier time remembering something they see around the house every day.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    September 1, 2018 at 8:21 am

    I should print this alphabet, laminate it and drop copies off at every apartment, halfway house and corner in the burg.
    We can make it like the playing cards with criminals on them.

    • Hughbo Mont
      September 1, 2018 at 11:01 am

      Yes, one of the more clever things in a TBS blog.

  • WuTaint Clam
    September 1, 2018 at 8:00 am

    I love meeting people from Fitchburg because with them I’m less embarrassed to say that I’m from Worcester.

  • Richyrich
    September 1, 2018 at 7:57 am

    Seems to me there are far better sources of outrage in that town

  • WeAreFucked
    September 1, 2018 at 7:44 am

    Because… Fitchburg.

  • Brian Albrecht
    September 1, 2018 at 7:17 am

    Just an absolute horse shit blog. Better off not posting if you’re going to come so weak like this. Be better.

  • Margaret
    September 1, 2018 at 12:11 am

    Now I know my ABC you don’t like capitalism cause you like your shit free give them kids flashcards they can recognize M is for Mickey D’s stop your liberal stupidity if you please

    • 123 cook meth with me
      September 1, 2018 at 3:30 pm


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