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I gotta be honest with you, I’m kind of disappointed with the hippies tonight. I thought there would be a million of these people at the Trump rally. I mean, here is this guy, who literally couldn’t give any less fucks about their sensitive feelings. A guy who stands for the exact opposite of everything they believe. And all we got were a handful of ragtags. Literally 15 or 20 nobodies with signs.
I mean, Turtle Riders were literally mocking them as they drove by. It was emasculating:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Worcester protesters are bootleg protesters. The Springfield hippies are putting them to shame. They’re outside the courthouse in Hampden County dancing, clapping, and getting their groove on, and our’s are stuffing their faces with donuts. If this was in Springfield there would’ve been at least 100 people there. But it’s Worcester so we get some guy reading people Bible passages instead.
Meanwhile inside the arena was Trump mania. Everyone had their Jingo on tonight:
Anyway, Turtleboy’s thoughts on the rally are simple – Trump is a brilliant orator who knows how to market himself to a right wing crowd. He literally says nothing. I just witnesse this man bullshit a crowd for 60 minutes straight and they ate that shit up and asked for seconds. At the end we actually presented Trump with an honorary “I Am Turtleboy” t-shirt which he’s probably gonna wear to bed every night because it’s so amazing. But while we were waiting to give it to him after the rally was over:
We literally almost got crushed to death by a horde of Carlo Baldino’s worst nightmare:
And we loved every single minute of it because it was hilarious. If this whole President thing doesn’t work out I hope he gets his own talk show and just rants for an hour in front of a right wing crowd in a different city every night.
Here’s the thing with Trump. He over simplifies everything because he realizes that Americans just don’t have the attention span to give a shit for more than a quick sound bite. “Illegal immigrants? Build a wall. Huge wall. Biggest wall you’ve ever seen. We’ll call it Trump wall!!!” Because no one in the history of the world has ever found a way to get over a wall before.
Who’s gonna pay for the wall? Mexico of course. Because when Trump is President he can just tell other countries to build shit and pay for it themselves. This is how foreign policy works.
Then there was his stance on what to do with illegal immigrants who are already here:
“In Los Angeles we got gangs full of illegal immigrants. When become President, they are OUT OF HERE!!! Ya gotta go!!!”
Gee, why didn’t I think of that?? No one ever thought to kick illegal immigrant gang bangers out of the country before!!! Genius!!
I guess it was kind of funny and kind of sad at the same time. Trump knows he’s full of shit and is just kind of taking this thing as far as he can take it. But man, he had that crowd eating out the palm of his hand. Here’s the thing though – his popularity is almost completely reliant on hippies acting a fool. Tonight he kind of lost the crowd when he started going on and on about how rich he is. Then right when a lull occurred – BAM – a hippie started a protest and got kicked out.
That’s where Trump came in. Three times this happened, and three times he had hilarious anecdotes that got the crowd all fired up. Because America is sick and tired of protesters more than anything on earth. It’s why they find a guy like Trump so appealing despite the fact that he literally says absolutely nothing. The hippies have radicalized the right and Trump has opened his arms and coddled them in his bosom.
Let’s check out the three hippie interruptions so you can rate which hippie brought their best protester game tonight.
Hippie Exhibit A
Wanna see what I’m talking about Trump’s bullshit? Watch this Trump speech about his wall. Here’s what he says right before the crowds notice that three people are holding, “Migrants Lives Matter” signs. “We’re gonna build a wall. And it will be a great wall. Ya know, I’ve been talking about a wall for a long time. We’re gonna build it, and it’s gonna be a wall. It’s gonna be a real wall. It’s gonna be a wall that’s way up there and make you say, “wow.” It’s gonna be strong, it’s gonna be powerful, it’s gonna look good. As good as a wall can look.” Watch how Trump reacts to them after they interrupt his nonsensical speech about nothing:
The crowd FEEDS off it. I mean, he’s literally up there talking about NOTHING, and then these idiots come along with their signs, and they get the crowd all fired up. Don’t you get it now? Don’t ya see? You morons are the reason Trump is popular. You are keeping this hilarious sideshow going. Trump knows it too, and he loves you for it. You caused this USA chant that followed:
I give these hippies a C. Their presentation and planning was solid. They went to a part of the arena where they know they’d be seen. But what’s up with migrants lives matter? That’s the best they could come up with? If I was them I would’ve been a little more creative, like “Trump likes Nickelback” or something like that.
Hippie Exhibit B
All of a sudden out of nowhere some guy in the middle of the crowd stood up and started calling Trump a racist. Turns out it’s this guy:
Peter Rondon. Formerly of Walmart fame. This guy was on a mission:
Trump immediately followed that up with “Isn’t a Trump rally a lot more fun than those other guys?”
And you know what? He’s absolutely right. It was freaking AWESOME. I’ve seen a lot of stand up comics in my life but I’ve never been so entertained as I was at tonight’s Trump rally.
I gotta give credit where credits due to this hippie though. This guy was like a wild cow that wouldn’t be branded. Unlike the sign hippies, he sat his down front and center and refused to go quietly. It’s a wonder that this guy got fired from working at Walmart just two weeks ago. I give Peter Rondon an A-.
Hippie Exhibit C
So right when Trump brought up how too many Americans were on food stamps we heard this guy right in back of us yell, “they’re on food stamps because of you!!!”
This is what happened afterwards:
And once again, this guy set up Trump PERFECTLY to roast him:
“Ya know, it’s amazing. I mention food stamps, and that guy who’s seriously overweight goes crazy. It’s amazing.”
And the crowd ate that shit up. Don’t you hippies see what you’re doing? You’re setting him up for punch lines. By trying to shout over everyone who disagrees with your world view, you’re only making enemies. We all want to laugh at you, and Trump realizes that, so he makes fun of you. Also, you don’t make it very hard for him when you’re a fat guy with long hair. And everyone finds this refreshing because Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney would never do something like that. Trump marches to a beat of his own drum, and this is what people find appealing about him.
So I give this protester an F because he completely failed. He hardly put up a fight, he looked unkempt and slovenly, and he didn’t even have any good one liners.
From there on out it just set Trump up to blame the media for focusing on the three protesters, instead of the 12,000 people in attendance. Which is exactly what they ended up doing:
Trump is revolutioinizing what it means to be a Republican by basically only talking about immigration and kicking ISIS’s ass. Not once tonight did he mention abortion or gay marriage – two hallmarks of the christian conservative right. Not once did he mention education or the cost of college or the economy. There are literally no other issues besides ISIS and immigration. It’s kind of weird that so many people from Massachusetts are getting into it, because I don’t even know if I’ve met a Mexican before in Massachusetts. We’ve got a lot of Latinos up here but they’re mostly Puerto Rican. Newsflash – a wall can’t stop you from buying a $99 Jet Blue ticket from San Juan. Especially since Puerto Ricans are American citizens and are not separated from us by land.
So is Trump gonna be President? We’ve said no chance since day one. But the longer this goes on the more we’re starting to believe. From day one we’ve said that Hillary will get the Democratic nomination, and Jeb Bush would get the Republicans. Every day it looks more and more like Jeb is done. However, we are on record as saying that the only other two Republicans who could get the nomination are Scott Walker and Marco Rubio. Walker is gone, but Rubio is pretty much all Trump talked about for 15 minutes straight tonight. He’s clearly threatened by this guy because he’s got everything the Republicans need. He’s young, he’s sharp, he’s Latino, and he’s from Florida.
Our prediction is Rubio over Hillary and Trump gets the greatest talk show of all time. Heard it here first.
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