While we were exposing where all your money went in our scathing expose about our FOIA request on Mosaic, Turtleboy legend Wanda was declaring Jihad on all TBS readers. Basically we are considering shutting the site down because we just can’t compete with the legend of Hooper Street. Her takes are too hot:
Scorching sass right there. Everyone in Turtleboy Nation just got facialized. She wasn’t kidding either, she literally waited up all night just WISHING a mother fucker would show up:
The thought of Wanda sitting on her stoop with a Louisville slugger and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, just WAITING for some Turtle rider to show their face, gives me goose bumps. I would pay good money to watch her sit there defending her territory in this VERY important internet feud.
Good thing none of you riders showed up either. Because she would’ve literally killed you:
Wanda!!! You can’t be saying stuff like that publicly!! You’re an important public figure after all. Don’t forget that you have a lot of influence with Attorney General Maura Healy and Mayor Joe Petty:
Where is all this anger coming from anyway? I thought we were friends? We haven’t written about any of Wanda’s hilarious crusades in a while. So what’s the deal?
There it is. The truth comes out. She’s not happy about her 6th place finish in the Turtleboy Worcester Hippie Top 20 poll. Can’t say I blame her. I had her ranked way ahead of Spanky. Come on man, Spanky isn’t half as entertaining as Wanda. That and the fact that the devil was on her shoulder. I can’t explain to you just how much of a power move the “devil on my shoulder” excuse is. It’s just so punk rock. You wanna be good, but you have this bad side you just can’t shake and every once in a while he comes out to play.
Look, I look forward to a Wanda post just as much as the next guy. But in all seriousness, she has WAY more influence than anyone reading this blog. Did you get to speak at a federally sanctioned Department of Justice meeting at the DCU Convention Center? Because she did. Did you get to meet with the Attorney General and have her investigate a blog you don’t like? Because she did:
Wanda, a woman who sat on her stoop all night getting crunk and defending Hooper Street from turtle riders like it was Goddamn Buckingham Palace, has more political influence you do currently. Let that one sink in for in a minute.
The thing about hippies like Wanda, is that all they have to do is stop reading Turtleboy. But the problem is they secretly like it too much. It fills a void in their life that never existed before. And if it disappeared, they’d be begging for the Turtle to swim on back. And Wanda’s strategy to get people to stop reading TBS is by far the most effective model I’ve seen so far – she shares them on Facebook:
Ya see that rant there? That’s the problem with the Summer of Love 2015. The cops weren’t questioning these guys because they thought they were extras in a 1995 Coolio video. They were questioning them because someone got shot that day and it was gang related. And these guys just happened to be hanging out at the Tedeschi’s on Main Street, which is where drug transactions turn into Crystal Park miracles.
If we’re gonna stop the senseless shootings in the Woo, we need the help of the community. Either you’re on the side of good or the side of evil. If you give the cops a hard time and whine about “harassment” because they’re trying to ask you some questions, then you’re with the bad guys. Wanda supports the “don’t cooperate with cops” approach, and as you have seen from her celebrity photo ops, she has more influence than you. The only way for this to change is to vote the Turtleboy Ticket in November – Mike Gaffney, Konnie Lukes, Gary Rosen, Jackie Kostas, Rob Sargent, Donna Colorio, Brian O’Connell, Diana Biancheria, Nicola D’Andrea, and a couple more we will be endorsing as well.
Can we still be friends after we take the city back from you Wanda?
OK then. God bless you anyway.