Nudniks

Turtleboy Nation Got Punked Down By Epic Hippie Legend

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While we were exposing where all your money went in our scathing expose about our FOIA request on Mosaic, Turtleboy legend Wanda was declaring Jihad on all TBS readers. Basically we are considering shutting the site down because we just can’t compete with the legend of Hooper Street. Her takes are too hot:

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Scorching sass right there. Everyone in Turtleboy Nation just got facialized. She wasn’t kidding either, she literally waited up all night just WISHING a mother fucker would show up:

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The thought of Wanda sitting on her stoop with a Louisville slugger and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, just WAITING for some Turtle rider to show their face, gives me goose bumps. I would pay good money to watch her sit there defending her territory in this VERY important internet feud.

Good thing none of you riders showed up either. Because she would’ve literally killed you:

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Wanda!!! You can’t be saying stuff like that publicly!! You’re an important public figure after all. Don’t forget that you have a lot of influence with Attorney General Maura Healy and Mayor Joe Petty:

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Where is all this anger coming from anyway? I thought we were friends? We haven’t written about any of Wanda’s hilarious crusades in a while. So what’s the deal?

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There it is. The truth comes out. She’s not happy about her 6th place finish in the Turtleboy Worcester Hippie Top 20 poll. Can’t say I blame her. I had her ranked way ahead of Spanky. Come on man, Spanky isn’t half as entertaining as Wanda. That and the fact that the devil was on her shoulder. I can’t explain to you just how much of a power move the “devil on my shoulder” excuse is. It’s just so punk rock. You wanna be good, but you have this bad side you just can’t shake and every once in a while he comes out to play.

Look, I look forward to a Wanda post just as much as the next guy. But in all seriousness, she has WAY more influence than anyone reading this blog. Did you get to speak at a federally sanctioned Department of Justice meeting at the DCU Convention Center? Because she did. Did you get to meet with the Attorney General and have her investigate a blog you don’t like? Because she did:

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Wanda, a woman who sat on her stoop all night getting crunk and defending Hooper Street from turtle riders like it was Goddamn Buckingham Palace, has more political influence you do currently. Let that one sink in for in a minute.

The thing about hippies like Wanda, is that all they have to do is stop reading Turtleboy. But the problem is they secretly like it too much. It fills a void in their life that never existed before. And if it disappeared, they’d be begging for the Turtle to swim on back. And Wanda’s strategy to get people to stop reading TBS is by far the most effective model I’ve seen so far – she shares them on Facebook:

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Ya see that rant there? That’s the problem with the Summer of Love 2015. The cops weren’t questioning these guys because they thought they were extras in a 1995 Coolio video. They were questioning them because someone got shot that day and it was gang related. And these guys just happened to be hanging out at the Tedeschi’s on Main Street, which is where drug transactions turn into Crystal Park miracles.

If we’re gonna stop the senseless shootings in the Woo, we need the help of the community. Either you’re on the side of good or the side of evil. If you give the cops a hard time and whine about “harassment” because they’re trying to ask you some questions, then you’re with the bad guys. Wanda supports the “don’t cooperate with cops” approach, and as you have seen from her celebrity photo ops, she has more influence than you. The only way for this to change is to vote the Turtleboy Ticket in November – Mike Gaffney, Konnie Lukes, Gary Rosen, Jackie Kostas, Rob Sargent, Donna Colorio, Brian O’Connell, Diana Biancheria, Nicola D’Andrea, and a couple more we will be endorsing as well.

Can we still be friends after we take the city back from you Wanda?

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OK then. God bless you anyway.

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44 Comment(s)
  • sandman
    August 6, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Wanda is hilarious!! Feel the hippie love…feel the hippie love…

  • Chipper the ripper
    August 5, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    I wish I could see my fb page she must have pm’d me an invitation to the mad dog summit on hooper st. (AKA the stupe stopper) Seeing I’m one of the two names she mentioned, I guess I been on double secret probation for a while, they won’t let me see my page until I prove I’m me!
    Fucking screwball should take her ebt card down to colony farms and get some lobsters if she wants to talk to me

  • Wheelwright
    August 5, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    What is the nominating process for. Pulitzer Prize? I think the Turtle Nation should start a petition to nominate Turtleboy Sports for a Pulitzer in journalism. There has to be a category where this fits in. Epic Humor, exposition of corruption in government, David versus Goliath…

    I’m a Physicist, not competent in the world of publishing and journalism. Rather than let the shitbags think they are winning, let’s pull a Trump and try to shove it up their ass!

    I’m serious!

  • asdfjlk
    August 5, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Actual politicians should all get copies of her posts. They’d disavow themselves from her like she was FAILURE INCARNATE.

  • thibby
    August 5, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    wanda, wanda, wanda. you have such great control of the english language……

  • Publius
    August 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Does the AG know who she is taking pictures with ? this page alone reprinted and sent to voters should be enough to cost Petty the election, not just of Mayor but council too.

  • COB
    August 5, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    I wouldn’t suck on this bitch’s shit pipe for a lifetime of free dinners at Auntie Dot’s! 🙁

  • Chipper
    August 5, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Email that post to Petty

    • colleen
      August 5, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      I agree….most of the hippies read this blog although they won’t admit it.
      Buy, I doubt Petty does and even if he does, it may force him to at least have a response.
      The hatred, racism and lack of class is just dripping from this woman they want to represent them.

  • Chipper
    August 5, 2015 at 10:33 am

    It had to be her that checked in to the haldol hotel’ she’s out of her mind, I didn’t know she was waiting for me or I would have dropped a ballon full of piss on her from my drone, nasty old classless ghetto rat

  • strata
    August 5, 2015 at 10:01 am

    Such embarrassing posts by this woman. It’s a sad uncivilized post frenzy. Again, very embarrassing. These posts will never go away in the internet world.

  • RSoxGuy
    August 5, 2015 at 9:36 am

    And this is the looney toon who claims she is the best person to advocate for residents? This driunken addict who challenges unknown ppl to fights over ther intensity? Is she Old Balls daughter?

    Funny, he got his comment ability licked for over a yr for threatening to beat ppl up who didnt agree with him too. Gee, all that peace love and “coming together” we always hear about never seems to be practiced by these hypocrites.

    RBG wants to skull fuck people’s parents

    70 yr old Old Balls is such a coward he challenges ppl to fight then threatens to sic his dogs on ppl while fraudulently betting other people’s money.

    Wanda drunk and stoned swaying in the breeze, trashed, screaming at the moon and staring down every car that drive by. And she winders why nobody wanted to see her presentation.

  • Samuel Burnside
    August 5, 2015 at 9:30 am

    I LOVE WANDA JS

  • Nanny
    August 5, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Someone bust into apartment 4G and swipe her caps lock button.

  • Adam
    August 5, 2015 at 8:10 am

    I can’t believe this is a fully grown person.

  • WTF... Worcester
    August 5, 2015 at 7:29 am

    Wow, I didn’t even know she called us all out there. I would have shown up, only I had to work for my “white priviledge” and I was at work until 5:00pm. She lives on Hooper Street! Belmont Street traffic with the construction and usual assholes you cannot get there without at least 45 minutes of bullshit! I have a job, and a child, and a home to take care of. I have bills to pay, I do not have time to go sit on a stoop for almost the ENTIRE day and wait for people. My “white priviledge” card has prevented me from doing things like getting government assitance to sit on my ass and smoke and drink ALL DAY!

    Wanda..Here is a tip for a FORMER Worcester resident who is white, works, and is too busy trying to make a living to sit around and involved in politics because I HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING (oh, FYI, I left Worcester because I was tired of your useless species of spick whores… I have PR friends, my best friend and neighbor is one. He drives a truck, owns a home, and has money, because he WORKED FOR IT)! Here it is, Wanda, you ready? Ready?! GO BACK TO THE FUCKING ISLAND YOU CAME FROM YOU USELESS, OXYGEN WASTING, DRUG ADDICTED, INSTIGATER. Maybe if you worked half as hard at getting a job and cleaning uo your act as you do pointing out problems and acting like there is racism and trying to find a scapegoat for why your species are held down (spoiler… you hold yourself down…)

    Just like all the other useless PRs that mooch off the system, she is a waste of skin and needs to be found out for the bullshit she is! One minute she is saying she has no problem, the next she is telling people to fuck off and come at her. I am not scared of Wanda, I am scared of the 50 other PRs that will jump out of nowhere and kill me. Everyone knows PRs can’t fight fair. One on one you will get KILLED by me. I don’t need a bat, or back up. This is why I stopped fighting. Bitch ass people like Wanda play a hard game, but in the end, it is all about weapons and back up. No one fights one on one anymore.

    P.S. Wanda, you made yourself public. You are not a public figure. This opens you up to praise, ridicule, attacks, jokes, and problems. Maybe you should go back into your home that my taxes paid for (before I moved), go smoke your weed that MY taxes pay for, and go enjoy your tax free life. Or you could get on your knees and thank the TBS because WE are the tax payers that pay for you to survive.

    Your welcome!

    • Noob
      August 5, 2015 at 8:03 am

      If you still live in the state your still paying for her. Section 8 and welfare are all State/federal programs so you still can have righteous indignation.

    • WackyHonky
      August 5, 2015 at 8:30 am

      Wanda is a native of Worcester. Product of her chosen environment. I’ve known her since she was in elementary school . She had a lot of promise but went down a different path from yours due to homelife stuff. Happens to quite a few kids, unfortunately. Cause and effect.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      August 5, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      Something tells me that Puerto Rico doesn’t want her either.

    • Jebediah Dookieshoes
      August 5, 2015 at 9:30 pm

      She is Cuban you fucking idiot

      • WTF.. Worcester
        August 6, 2015 at 7:10 am

        Cuban…Puerto Rican… Is there a difference (in this situation. Kinda goes under the same guideline that all whites are the same)? Up here she is a cockroach. She is a waste of skin, a waste of time, and a waste of resources. She can afford pot, booze, and to sit on her ass on MY dime. I pay for her. I will call her whatever the hell I want. PR, Cuban, a Transformer, it doesn’t matter. She is what I say she is because I pay for her. wabbitt pays for her, Finnish Goalie pays for her. WE ALL pay for her so she is what we say she is.

    • oneopinion
      hanginpossum
      August 5, 2015 at 10:08 pm

      Would you really say it just like that in front of your PR friends? Every single person in Worcester has PR friends. I haven’t heard this kind of rubbish since college when the townies showed up.

      • oneopinion
        hanginpossum
        August 5, 2015 at 10:59 pm

        I might add college was western ma, not worcester

  • Frogshit
    August 5, 2015 at 7:20 am

    I wanted to stop by that nite with Wanda’s new keyboard but…..

  • Clive's not racist, just ask him.
    August 5, 2015 at 6:31 am

    Her writing style is exactly like Al Dente, the RI gubernatorial candidate. Wanda is Al, Al is Wanda…. And Finkle is Einhorn.

  • Dude
    August 5, 2015 at 6:21 am

    TB, in case you were unaware, I think something happened to her at that lawn chair debate thing at Elm Park last night. The post on her page said that she no longer supports local politicians and she won’t be voting in November cause she is giving up or something like that. You know how hard it is to understand what she writes sometimes.

    • Samuel Burnside
      August 5, 2015 at 9:28 am

      Saw that. Her friends don’t want to play with her anymore.

      • WTF... Worcester
        August 5, 2015 at 9:39 am

        What is this lawn chair debate? Why will no one play with her in her sandbox? Can someone please explain? Thank you

        • Dude
          August 5, 2015 at 12:56 pm

          It appears to be a group of people that get together to discus issues while sitting in lawn chairs. The one from last night had some candidates for the upcoming election (didn’t seem like any were current officials). Outside of that, I got nothing.

          • WTF... Worcester
            August 5, 2015 at 1:00 pm

            Wait… hold on… A bunch of people get their lawn chairs, captain’s chairs, and in Wanda’s case a rolling walker and they meet in a park, in the middle of a weekday to discuss issues with the city.

            Maybe the issue is the fact so many people have that much time on their hands. Maybe some of these people need to spend a little more time learning “would you like fries with that” and a little less time debating the issue. Look at yourself and fix yourself before trying to fix everyone else. Wanda is the problem. She is the poster child for the problem.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      August 5, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      Like she was going to vote anyway. Worcester has something like 3% voter turnout. Did anyone REALLY think this weed-addled buttnut was one of them?

  • Fire
    August 5, 2015 at 6:15 am

    This shit is just too perfect.

  • Dave
    August 5, 2015 at 5:27 am

    Adcare and GED program. All better.

  • marco shark
    August 5, 2015 at 4:42 am

    you didn’t send in a person to interview her in the drunken state?!?! lame.

  • nick
    August 5, 2015 at 3:25 am

    Wanda, the class of Hooper st. Lower class that is. Roll another one, just like the other one…. Too bad there isn’t a snapshot of her on her stoop as that would be a Kodak moment.

  • BobnMic
    August 5, 2015 at 1:22 am

    I THINK MY AWSUM BABE WANDA IS AWSUM AND I LUV HOW SHE SPELLS AND TYPS. I WNT TO SMUK A HUGE BONG WITH HER THEN TAKE ADVANTGE OF THE SYSTIM.

  • RJ
    August 5, 2015 at 1:16 am

    So turned on right now.

  • Turtle Bro
    August 5, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Wanda is casist against lower case letters

  • ABCD
    August 5, 2015 at 12:26 am

    Aww… Leave poor Wanda alone 🙁

  • A fish called Wanda!
    August 5, 2015 at 12:21 am

    Man is Wanda a lowlife! Her and her whole family are career scumbags! Always looking for a loop hole or a way to screw the system. I’ve known her for 20 years, and absolutely nothing has changed. She’s still the same leech! Her son is a maggot too!

  • BobnMic
    August 5, 2015 at 12:20 am

    Wild wacky and wicked Wanda. I know for a fact that my man COB will not work his magic on this one.

  • Noob
    August 5, 2015 at 12:19 am

    She changed her Facebook name. I wonder if its because of you guys

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