Mainstream Media Fails

Two Slugpumps Who Abandoned Their Kids Get Killed By Train Full Of Children While Playing Junkie Frogger On Wareham Tracks, Media Paints Them As Loving Parents

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This story’s been all over the news today……

How da fuq do you get hit by a train? I know, I know – they’re junkies who live in the woods and get banged up down by the railroad tracks. But did they not have the option to get high NEXT TO the train tracks, as opposed to directly on top of the train tracks? There’s a million and one places to shoot up and they choose to sit on the one places where a train is guaranteed to eventually pass. This is the definition of Darwinism.

The media is playing up the angle that they were “beautiful people”

That they were loving parents who will be missed by their kids.

Newsflash – just because you fired out three or four crotchfruits doesn’t make you a Mom or a Dad. It just makes you fertile. Of course they didn’t have custody of their kids because getting high and living in the woods was the lifestyle they CHOSE by putting needles filled with blue magic into their veins.

But wait, she posted about how she loved her kids on Facebook.

So she qualifies as a good mom now.

And although she abandoned the kids she showed the world how much she cares for them by getting their names tattooed on her and posting it on Facebook.

Alivia and Julyan. As in, my favorite months of the year are Julyan August. These poor kids had no shot from the beginning. Anyone who takes a perfectly normal name, and then adds random “y’s” and other intentional derivations, is the kind of person that puts more time into naming their kids than they do raising their kids.

She sure didn’t seem to miss her kids very much, but she did miss the guy who created them due to his affinity for raw dog when he went missing for a month or two last year.


I can already hear the feelz patrol getting ready to call us insensitive for writing these inconvenient truths on our website.

No one knows why they were there? Ummm….it wasn’t to return overdue library books or inquire about birth control, that’s for sure. And yes, thankfully the children were not there. Because they ditched their kids to play junkie jams in the woods.

Show some respect? Hard pass fam. I have zero respect for two parents who abandon their children so they can play junkie frogger on the railroad tracks.

Oh no!! What if their family sees people saying factual things on the Internet about the dangers of drug abuse? That might hurt their feelz, and we must protect everyone’s feelz. That’s how free speech works.

Of course Melissa Gaudette and her muff marauder Edwin have no shortage of Google trophies. He was picked up in June on over half a dozen warrants.

Last November he was also picked up on warrants.

And in September of last year he was arrested at Cumby’s for trying to use counterfeit money that he drew on a table cloth at McDonald’s while he filled up his water cop with Dr. Pepper and mixed it with Henny.

She seemed to mostly get arrested for being loud and ratchet, like that time last year she went into J&R Towing, caused a huge disturbance, and wouldn’t leave.

Oh, and a month ago today they were arrested because he hit a dude’s car while the dude was driving, and then she tried to bust him out of the squad car after he started shouting obscenities at the cops and was detained.

Looks like she was right:

In fairness, the guy whose car they hit deserved it. Moron gave them $20 because he felt bad. Newsflash – when you give junkies money you are contributing to their demise. You’re not a good person for doing that. You’re actually a terrible person. They’re not going to deposit that money into their kid’s college funds. They’re going to see Diego before getting high down at the railroad tracks. People who give money to junkies because they “feel bad” should forced to spend the night camping underneath Trigglypuff’s fupa folds.

Keep in mind, the train that hit them was a special Christmas train, with hundreds of kids on it. The real victim here is the engineer who will be scarred for life because of this, and the kids who probably had to wait on the train for hours while they cleaned up what was left of these two failed parents. I would say I feel bad for their kids, but they probably hardly knew their kids. Either way, their lives will be a lot more stable without these two eventually trying to get back into their lives by pretending to be clean, getting their kid’s hopes up that they’ll have real, loving parents, and then relapsing like they always do.

40 Comment(s)
  • Jack Knauf
    November 20, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Of course it is sad whenever people lose their lives, but in this case it is very difficult to shed too many tears. Abandoning your children and pissing on your parental duties by being lowlife, jailbird drug-addled pukes is atrocious. I’d like to hear from a parent of one of the children that was on that train and find out if they were made witness to body parts scattered all over the tracks. How’s that for a 5 year-old’s memory of Christmas?

  • Get Right
    November 20, 2018 at 12:29 pm

    Are this people commenting humans or devil’s advocates? It sure does not sound like GOD’s people. I don’t like junkies either but who am I to judge.

    • ...and sometimes NarCan't
      November 24, 2018 at 6:03 am

      A Reading from the Book of Narcan;
      They turned to and worshiped a god that they shot into their veins. A god that shows no mercy, teaches no kindness, allows for all types of sin and debauchery if it should bring the idolaters closer to that spoon, flame and syringe.
      To do that, they turned away from God and His Word.
      May God have mercy on them and Thanks be to Him for calling them from this world to get their just reward.

  • Hobo who knows
    November 20, 2018 at 4:31 am

    Let me guess – they were drinking Night Train wine on the tracks?

    • Bob
      November 20, 2018 at 11:47 am

      Where’s the photos? I wanted to see the photos. Damn you turtleboy show me the photos.

      • bob
        November 20, 2018 at 11:50 am

        2 more off the welfare rolls. Boo hoo

  • S.Claus, Engineer
    November 20, 2018 at 2:05 am

    Ho, ho, hooooooooo…you’re welcome.
    I never even reached for the brake.

  • enough
    November 19, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    Train full of merriment stops for everyone, minding their own business, on it… because it runs over apparent addict and the”‘father of three of her children.”

    Massachusetts in a nutshell.

  • November 19, 2018 at 9:07 pm

    Karma. The word is now one step closer to being a better place.

  • Bipolar Express
    November 19, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    But was the train OK?

  • suckittrebek
    November 19, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    LoL two human dumpster fires shoot up and die on the railroad tracks are “beautiful people” in this shithole state. LOL

  • All aboard the Junkie Express
    November 19, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    If these “parents” were honest, the top name on whoever has the tattoo would say Heroin right above Aaron. 

  • Miss the Old Cape
    November 19, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    Channel 5 news said the kids were on the “Train to Christmas Town”. The conductor must have made a wrong turn at the Cape and they found themselves on the “Train to Junkie Town”.

    • enough
      November 19, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      That’s probably what someone was thinking about when “The children were allegedly told that the train had run out of “magic fuel.” ” (Channel 7 article). Probably thinking about the folk on the tracks and how their “magic fuel” worked out for them.

    • Leverett Saltonstall
      November 20, 2018 at 8:58 am

      Even the “nice” part of the Cape is turning into a shithole. Now we have party buses leaving dumpsters of trash on the National Seashore? Nice Provincetown businesses are closing. I miss the “old” days.

  • Ironic Twist
    November 19, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    How ironic that two people who only pretended to care about their kids get killed by a train full of kids. He works in mysterious ways…..

  • Ryan H
    November 19, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Youre a piece of shit. Youve wrote countless articles about me and alot of other criminals and junkies but you dont know shit about these people. I bet your to much of a fucking coward to tell ANYONE your real identity. Youre most likely a fat middle class broad who hates her life and got fired from her last newspaper editor job for being late cause the line at the cheescake factory held you up. Now you resort to abusing the freedom of speech amendment to make yourself feel better. Youre a lame.

    • whatevuh
      November 19, 2018 at 7:16 pm

      Sometimes the truth hurts fuckface, if you can’t handle it, put on your big-boy pants and get the fuck over it

    • suckittrebek
      November 19, 2018 at 8:45 pm

      Go drop dead ya junkie loser, you are a drain on the state, country and your family.

    • Ebenezer Screw
      November 19, 2018 at 9:04 pm

      Shut the fuck up. Don’t want to be written about, don’t be a criminal piece of shit. Don’t care what your or their sob story is, you made that decision to be a piece of shit.

    • enough
      November 19, 2018 at 11:53 pm

      “Youve wrote countless articles about me and alot of other criminals and junkies but you dont know shit about these people.”

      Well according to you, you and a bunch of other people are “criminals and junkies,” so…..

    • Ryan's Agent
      November 20, 2018 at 7:30 am

      Hey Ryan, you had a couple of decent lines in there. With a little work you might be able to write a couple of blog posts. Keep working on your material in the comments and who knows what could happen. I think your new pen name should be, Section 8.

    • Grow up
      November 20, 2018 at 10:42 am

      It’s funny because turtleboy from the Uxbridge area and has nothing else better to do he is an ex-teacher and has charges himself as being a pedophile somebody should talk huh LOL and all these other losers on his website worshipping him you do spit facts but you take it too far I used to be your fan but now you are trash

    • Bravo!
      November 20, 2018 at 11:35 am

      ENCORE! Dude, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a ratchet come into the comments section and trigger this many angry comments! You have made a monumental achievement my bad sir. ENCORE I SAY! MORE! MORE!

  • I am jack’s complete lack of surprise
    November 19, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    Who the fuck hangs out on train tracks? Was is this like 1840? Darwin Award nominees for 2018.

  • Gotta try something else
    November 19, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    Lets stop spending on EBT and welfare and sprinkle drugs all over the railroads. Maybe invest in quieter and faster trains.

  • Uncle Sam
    November 19, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    Best news I’ve heard today.

    Two more druggie slobs most likely on the public dole written off.

    Thank you both for saving we taxpayers considerable money and future aggravation!

    Message to the state: Please cancel the benefits for both of these individuals effective immediately!

    Thank you!

  • Scott
    November 19, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    I bet they have lots of track marks on their extremities.

    • Captain Trips
      November 19, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      Thumbs up!

      THAT was funny!

    • Fred Knessl
      November 19, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      Took me a minute… Good one!!!

  • george
    November 19, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    you loved your children? then why choose drugs over them. i love my son. thats why i spend every minute i can with him. i have to leave him for 50 hours a week because i love him. i go to work and make money so we have a place to live and food to eat. other than that i am with my son. that is how you love your children, not by choosing posion over them.

  • Bernie Madoff
    November 19, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    On Wall Street narcan futures are a tich down on opening.

  • Randall Guy
    November 19, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Happy Thanksgving to everyone.

  • Ann Flaherty
    November 19, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    I knew there was more to the story when I heard it. Leave it to TB to figure it out.

    So glad the election is over. No more Shiva ads. Hard to take TB seriously when they shill for a creep like that.

  • Washashore
    November 19, 2018 at 12:51 pm

    I saw this on the news and laughed. Like TB first thought I had was “how do you get hit by a fucking train”. Never saw that coming…

    • I guess the whole world is scum
      November 20, 2018 at 10:49 am

      I hope that everybody that had something bad to say about two dead people in the addiction of another and being homelesspeople don’t plan that to happen I hope someone in your family dies so you guys get cancer all you guys must live a miserable f****** lifecoming on here for people that you don’t let me know just to talk s*** nobody knows fact they were on the methadone clinic and had to take home do you have to be clean to have that you stupid motherfukers I hope you guys truly feel like a piece of s***I hope all your loved ones that have passed away I looking down on you like the biggest scumbags that you are at home or your family members dying like a major car accident

      • Ya gotta be kidding me
        November 21, 2018 at 8:22 pm

        Hey dipshit We all gotta go to work everyday and pay our taxes so these junkies can get narcamed every fucking Tuesday night. Nope, fuck them, they got what they deserved. They were a drain on society and some other dope head has already taken their tent down on Hobo row. Go take some fuckin Midol and shut the fuck up. 

  • Repub 1
    November 19, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    We need a lot more trains to get rid of this type of garbage.

    • Taxpayer
      November 19, 2018 at 1:03 pm

      Southcosast Rail can’t come fast enough

      • Stunt Penis
        November 19, 2018 at 1:42 pm

        …and encourage junkie homesteading on the rail line.

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