Mainstream Media Fails

Waking Up To Billy Shaner’s Turtleboy Tears Is The Best Way To Wake Up


I love waking up to Billy Shaner’s tears…..

AIDAN GOES TO CPAC: Now that Aidan Kearney is, for some reason (wink), loud and proud about his ownership of Turtleboy Sports, it looks like we’re going to reliably get a funny first-person post every few months. First, there was that book with the MS Paint cover, then the hilariously petty mailer that Kearney called the FBI over. Now, the man tells on himself yet again when he posted a long travel diary-style post about his trip to CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) – the annual national gathering of lanyard/bow tie-wearing conservative types, to meet friends in high places and push his book on them (while using a free press pass to do so, by his own admission). He tried to push his book on a lot of people, even Ted Cruz, it seems. He posed with the Texas senator holding a copy of said book. He also called him “Beautiful Ted Cruz,” which is amazing. Anyway, after the CPAC post, in which he predictably gushed about Candace Owensa complete moron, he got back to work. A new favorite target of Kearney and Co., the website has featured at least two articles this week bashing trans people, because that’s just how they roll. As I’m writing this, I’m picturing how many copies of his book are on a flatbed headed for a landfill after they were promptly thrown in CPAC trash bins. Makes me smile.

Where to start…..

Racist Billly calling a black woman a “complete moron” because she won’t be his slave on the Democrat plantation. Not a good luck Racist Billy.

Or how bout the two articles, “bashing trans people.” Ya know, the biological males who are kicking the shit out of girls in track and field. That’s bashing because we are once again standing up for women who are being victimized by cheating men. Sorry Billly, we side with women’s equality, even if you don’t.

The mere fact that you read the blog enough to keep up with all of this is flattering and ironic. Just a reminder that in January Billy, who has been writing about me every week for 2 years running now, refused to debate me because he said the blog has “no merit.”

Keep in mind, his big thing before this was, “Turtleboy is cowardly because he’s anonymous and won’t put his name on the blog.” Well Billy, here I am. Turns out you were just scared of me the whole time. And Billy, no one is buying the “Turtleboy has no merit” thing when you literally write about me every. single. week. Even Steve Quist took a temporary break from giving you a Bob Kraft special to point out the irony there. Either Turtleboy doesn’t matter and you ignore us like you would any Internet troll, or we do matter and you write about Turtleboy because you know we matter. You can’t have it both ways. People aren’t stupid, even Steve Quist and the other 20 people who read your column while waiting in line for their coffee. They can all see the hypocrisy dude. Not the best look.

Then again, this is why you work at Worcester Magazine – because you’re not a real reporter. Take for example your recent rant about the Midtown Mall being taken over by the city as part of the Emerald City Renaissance Makeover.

I don’t have strong opinions about this topic, but if I were covering it the first thing I’d do as a reporter is speak with the Dean Marcus, who owns the Midtown Mall, to get a quote from him. Of course you forgot to do that:

“When I have time to dig deeper into this I’ll give him a call.”

Guys, he’s VERY busy reading Turtleboy and then writing snarky blurbs in his weekly column about us. He doesn’t have time to, ya know, interview people he’s writing stories about. What do you think he looks like? Some kind of journalist?

He’s very upset that Ted Cruz is the latest owner of I Am Turtleboy. He’s mad that Turtleboy is branching out to a larger audience, because he hates when we succeed.

He wants so badly for people to get their copy of the book and throw it away. But the fact of the matter is that the book has 100 reviews on Amazon, and 99 of them are 5 stars. And you can’t fake those reviews because you actually have to purchase the book AND be a well established Amazon customer to leave one. It’s not exactly a New York Times best seller, but I’m proud of the fact that over a thousand people found it interesting enough to order, including you Billy. I know you read it. Buy it here if you want to read the most dangerous book on the Internet.

Anyway, glad to see that despite being blacklisted from Twitter and constantly deplatformed on Facebook, Billy Shaner still goes out of his way to find and read Turtleboy. So much winning.



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18 Comment(s)
  • Gavin McInnis
    March 7, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    Billy says; once a beta cuck. Always a beta cuck.

  • Not Globe Material
    March 7, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    Billy Shaner? Writes for a Woosta paper. I play softball for my local beer league team, play lead in our
    home town theatre production of Grease ( Go Greased Lightning) , ,once was an alternate for Jeopardy and yes nearly got a fluff job for a very popular gay porno which won a Felchy Award.
    We are equally close to ever being relative.

  • Billy Shaner is a pickle smoocher
    March 7, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    I’m also a useless hack, one trick pony, phoney baloney, alleged writer.

  • WeRFucked
    March 7, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    I lay down Woo Mags for my dog to do his business inside the house.

  • don
    March 7, 2019 at 11:59 am

    billy shaner = randall?

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      March 7, 2019 at 7:34 pm

      I’ve thought that for a while. The single sentence attempts at relevance and sarcasm, the penchant for non-sequiturs, the obvious envy and seeking of validation, the virtue signaling, etc. He’s like a dumber, younger Old Balls.

  • Billy Shaner
    March 7, 2019 at 11:09 am

    Sucks cock for fun and profit.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    March 7, 2019 at 11:03 am

    I can actually taste the salt tears pouring from the pages of Butthurt Billy’s latest unreadable, bitter diatribe.

    They taste delicious.

    • Y
      March 7, 2019 at 11:08 am

  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    March 7, 2019 at 10:56 am

    Even though Billie is a soy boy felching cuck he still makes bike riding look carefree and fabulous

  • Francis Sidebottom
    March 7, 2019 at 10:26 am

    Turtle turd knows good and well any publicity is good publicity and the advertising pricing goes up and up

    • Heads Up!
      March 7, 2019 at 11:58 am

      Hey Franklin, the MSP has an open investigation on you.

  • Y
    March 7, 2019 at 10:22 am

    Billy Shaner is a pathetic, wannabe hipster; he’s tried, desperately, to rip-off Kevin Smith’s look, only he’s a broke slob.

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    March 7, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Who the fuck is Billy Fuckhead anyways?

  • Ann Flaherty
    March 7, 2019 at 10:13 am

    This article is impossible to follow. The only thing I am understanding is your trash job on CPAC in an attempt to take down a kook. Much of your base are CPAC fans so try a different angle.

    • Doobie Houser
      March 7, 2019 at 10:36 am

      How is this article hard to follow?

      Did you go to school in Worcester?

      • The angry taint
        The angry taint
        March 7, 2019 at 10:47 am

        You beat me to it doobie

    • Almost a hero
      March 9, 2019 at 2:19 pm

      It’s called reading. Top to bottom, left to right. Put groups of words together to form a sentence.

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