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Turtleboy used to be cool with Worcester Magazine. They kind of supported us early on when they thought Turtleboy Sports was this cute little novelty. But now that we’ve completely taken over as Worcester County’s go to source for everything that matters, they started to get a little butthurt. And by “they” Turtleboy means Walter Bird Jr., Womag’s delicate flower of an editor. Ya see, Walter Bear fancies himself some sort of groundbreaking newsperson because he writes for a free magazine that my dog won’t even take a shit on. And as you can see from his profile picture, he means business:

A couple months back Turtleboy wrote a blog, laughing at how dumb their endorsements were for the election. Turtleboy simply pointed out the undeniable fact that Worcester Magazine has joined the Telegram and Gazette as Joe Petty’s propaganda outlet. Turtleboy laughed at all the times Walter Bird referred to the endorsements as “we,” as if a team of writers at WoMag got together and came up with a unanimous group endorsement.

Anyway, this apparently got poor Walter Bear all hot and bothered because he unfriended this Turtleboy on Facebook and blocked us from posting facts and truths on Worcester Magazine’s Facebook page.

Butthurt times a billion.

Seriously though, what kind of loser does something like that? Rule #1 of blocking people on Facebook is, you only block spammers. You’re free to call Turtleboy a fraud all over our Facebook page until the cows come home. But if you start spamming the site with copy and pasted diatribes, whining about anonymity and other bullshit no one cares about, like RBG, you get blocked. But you never block someone simply because they called your free magazine fraudulent. It makes it look like you’re afraid of criticism.

Anyway we only bring this up because Walter Bird decided to take a steamy dump all over Turtleboy and The People’s City Councilor Michael Gaffney today, in this editorial. He starts off by commending Ed Augustus for his fake apology about not plowing the streets. Then he goes after Gaffney and the Turtle:

Making it worse, a man with a bike was hit and killed by a car on Belmont Street Wednesday night. To hear some say it, Augustus and Moosey should be fired. We are not sure whether Gaffney shares that thought, because he declined comment when asked. He did, however comment to an anonymous blogger about Augustus’ managerial failings.

HAHHAHAHAHA. Awww, Walter Bear is mad that the Vice Chairman of the City Council won’t give him a quote. “But, but, but, but, I’m a real journalist, and the blogger, who shall go unnamed, is just a blogger!!!” Hey Walter, when you treat people like shit, don’t expect them to make your job easier for you.

But that’s what this piece was really all about. He’s mad that Councilor Gaffney doesn’t take him seriously and won’t give him quotes. Because he thinks he’s a real journalist running a real newspaper. But he’s not. He’s just some guy who writes garbage for a free magazine.

Then he tossed this gem in there:

If, like Gaffney, you want to run a city someday, you may want to consider the crowd you hang with, even if it’s not a “machine.” Aligning yourself with someone who calls people “douche nozzles” does not exactly say much about your decision-making skills.

Ummmm, first of all, it’s spelt “dooshnozzle.” Get it right. Secondly, Gaffney doesn’t align with Turtleboy. We align with him, the same way you’ve aligned with Petty and Augustus. Thirdly, don’t put machine in quotes, as if it doesn’t exist. There’s obviously a powerful political machine that gives away our money to degenerates so they’ll keep voting for the machine. Everyone knows that.

Most importantly though, Gaffney and Donna Colorio, two candidates we championed strongly, both finished second in the Council and SC races, after finishing 6th and 7th two years ago. I’d say their decision-making skills are pretty solid Walter Bear.

The best part about this is that Walter Bear is always threatening to sue Turtleboy if we use quotes from Worcester Magazine. Obviously we ignore him, but we still link to Worcester Magazine whenever we quote them, like we did in this article. Yet in today’s hit piece he did this:

Yea, that’s a quote from Gaffney. A quote he gave to Turtleboy, which was published on Turtleboy Sports. Yet here he is taking it directly off of our site and not crediting or linking us. Sure, we could tell him that we’re gonna sue him for plagiarism, but that would make us whiny little beyoches like him. We don’t stoop to Walter Bear’s level.

Want more proof that Walter Bear is Petty propaganda? Look who he tweeted his hit piece to:

Hey Jumpin’ Joe Petty – I did a good job right???!!! Wanna hire me after Turtleboy drives me out of business??? I make a great coffee bitch!!!

Walter is so butthurt about Turtleboy he’s writing stuff like this on his Facebook page:

Back in my day, people who wanted to tell the truth were relegated to the comments section. Now with all these “bloggers” out there, how are we to know what is journalism and what’s just conjecture? Bro, do you even have a journalism degree? Have you ever been Clive McFarlane’s coffee bitch? Do you even rip off advertisers and give away your magazine for free at Shaw’s? No? Then you’re not a real journalist bro!!

I feel so bad for him every time he writes something like this. Old people should have to take a test before being allowed to go anywhere near social media. I mean, try to make it more obvious that you have Turtle on the brain, Walter Bear. You can’t. If you really wanna make it seem like you’re above us, then you’d just ignore us. Instead you’re getting butthurt about Gaffney speaking with us, and not you, and chastising us for our foul language.

He’s also none too pleased with the Telegram and Gazette:

This poor guy. LOL. He wants recognition so bad and no one will give it to him. Someone pointed out that he kind of looks like like Turtleboy when he writes stuff like this. Walter Bear naturally disagrees:

Oh I see. It’s OK to criticize the Telegram publicly because Walter Bird writes a free magazine. Therefore it’s just “one journalist commenting on another journalism outlet.” Got it. See that’s the root of all this butthurt. He’s bought into this whole “TBS isn’t journalism” nonsense. Poor Walter Bear. Someone get this guy a gift certificate to that Tewksbury massage parlor.

Anyway, since he feels the need to publicly trash Turtleboy, we’ve decided to start publicly trashing Worcester Magazine as well. Literally. As a matter of fact we have a new policy whenever we see a fresh stack of free Worcester Magazines, that you are free to do as well – throw it in the trash. For instance, while we read his latest hot garbage today we were at Bushel n’ Peck, which makes delicious sandwiches for the West Side’s finest citizens. We noticed a huge stack of free WoMags:

So after reading his article trashing us, we decided to throw Worcester Magazine where it belonged –

the trash.

Problem solved:

If you’re out and about, feel free to do the same and take pictures and send them to us. We’ll call it #TrashWomag. I don’t know why Walter Bear thought it would be wise to dance with the devil, but it’s certainly ill advised. We’re gonna be doing this from now on until Walter Bear puts out an official apology to Turtleboy Sports, admitting that he’s only trashing us because he’s butthurt and depressed. Oh yea, he also has to admit that he’s Petty’s reject propaganda machine. He also has to admit that he’s doing it because he’s depressed:

Poor Walter Bear. Even Sarai Rivera is laughing at him:

Luckily Worcester’s favorite overpaid “communications specialist,” Jen Roy, was there to make him feel better:

Little flirting action. I like it. Wait until you get this one Walter Bear:

Before responding to her, we’d suggest Walter Bear consult with his boy Ron for some advice:

Here’s my question – what is he going to do when Turtleboy Sprots wins the Worcester Magazine’s “Best Blog” award again in a couple months?

Because there’s no way he can admit once again that we are the champions of journalism around here. He’s got three options:

1. Admit that Turtleboy is the winner and present us with the award.
2. Lie, and pretend like someone else won the award.
3. Get rid of the category.

I’m gonna predict he goes with #3. Imagine how dumb he’d look if he said that Old Balls or some other loser blog won the vote? There would be demonstrations in the streets, madness, and likely violent revolution.

P.S. If you’re gonna throw Worcester Magazine in the trash and send us pictures, feel free to take Janice Harvey’s column out of it first and put it on your fridge. Her latest piece shows that she carries that entire outfit.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Want to have your business advert seen by over 1.2 million people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.