Mainstream Media Fails

Walter Bird Is Such A Butthurt Naniburger So We’re Throwing Worcester Magazine In The Trash

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Turtleboy used to be cool with Worcester Magazine. They kind of supported us early on when they thought Turtleboy Sports was this cute little novelty. But now that we’ve completely taken over as Worcester County’s go to source for everything that matters, they started to get a little butthurt. And by “they” Turtleboy means Walter Bird Jr., Womag’s delicate flower of an editor. Ya see, Walter Bear fancies himself some sort of groundbreaking newsperson because he writes for a free magazine that my dog won’t even take a shit on. And as you can see from his profile picture, he means business:

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A couple months back Turtleboy wrote a blog, laughing at how dumb their endorsements were for the election. Turtleboy simply pointed out the undeniable fact that Worcester Magazine has joined the Telegram and Gazette as Joe Petty’s propaganda outlet. Turtleboy laughed at all the times Walter Bird referred to the endorsements as “we,” as if a team of writers at WoMag got together and came up with a unanimous group endorsement.

Anyway, this apparently got poor Walter Bear all hot and bothered because he unfriended this Turtleboy on Facebook and blocked us from posting facts and truths on Worcester Magazine’s Facebook page.

Butthurt times a billion.

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Seriously though, what kind of loser does something like that? Rule #1 of blocking people on Facebook is, you only block spammers. You’re free to call Turtleboy a fraud all over our Facebook page until the cows come home. But if you start spamming the site with copy and pasted diatribes, whining about anonymity and other bullshit no one cares about, like RBG, you get blocked. But you never block someone simply because they called your free magazine fraudulent. It makes it look like you’re afraid of criticism.

Anyway we only bring this up because Walter Bird decided to take a steamy dump all over Turtleboy and The People’s City Councilor Michael Gaffney today, in this editorial. He starts off by commending Ed Augustus for his fake apology about not plowing the streets. Then he goes after Gaffney and the Turtle:

Making it worse, a man with a bike was hit and killed by a car on Belmont Street Wednesday night. To hear some say it, Augustus and Moosey should be fired. We are not sure whether Gaffney shares that thought, because he declined comment when asked. He did, however comment to an anonymous blogger about Augustus’ managerial failings.

HAHHAHAHAHA. Awww, Walter Bear is mad that the Vice Chairman of the City Council won’t give him a quote. “But, but, but, but, I’m a real journalist, and the blogger, who shall go unnamed, is just a blogger!!!” Hey Walter, when you treat people like shit, don’t expect them to make your job easier for you.


But that’s what this piece was really all about. He’s mad that Councilor Gaffney doesn’t take him seriously and won’t give him quotes. Because he thinks he’s a real journalist running a real newspaper. But he’s not. He’s just some guy who writes garbage for a free magazine.

Then he tossed this gem in there:

If, like Gaffney, you want to run a city someday, you may want to consider the crowd you hang with, even if it’s not a “machine.” Aligning yourself with someone who calls people “douche nozzles” does not exactly say much about your decision-making skills.

Ummmm, first of all, it’s spelt “dooshnozzle.” Get it right. Secondly, Gaffney doesn’t align with Turtleboy. We align with him, the same way you’ve aligned with Petty and Augustus. Thirdly, don’t put machine in quotes, as if it doesn’t exist. There’s obviously a powerful political machine that gives away our money to degenerates so they’ll keep voting for the machine. Everyone knows that.


Most importantly though, Gaffney and Donna Colorio, two candidates we championed strongly, both finished second in the Council and SC races, after finishing 6th and 7th two years ago. I’d say their decision-making skills are pretty solid Walter Bear.

The best part about this is that Walter Bear is always threatening to sue Turtleboy if we use quotes from Worcester Magazine. Obviously we ignore him, but we still link to Worcester Magazine whenever we quote them, like we did in this article. Yet in today’s hit piece he did this:

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Yea, that’s a quote from Gaffney. A quote he gave to Turtleboy, which was published on Turtleboy Sports. Yet here he is taking it directly off of our site and not crediting or linking us. Sure, we could tell him that we’re gonna sue him for plagiarism, but that would make us whiny little beyoches like him. We don’t stoop to Walter Bear’s level.

Want more proof that Walter Bear is Petty propaganda? Look who he tweeted his hit piece to:

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Hey Jumpin’ Joe Petty – I did a good job right???!!! Wanna hire me after Turtleboy drives me out of business??? I make a great coffee bitch!!!

Walter is so butthurt about Turtleboy he’s writing stuff like this on his Facebook page:

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Back in my day, people who wanted to tell the truth were relegated to the comments section. Now with all these “bloggers” out there, how are we to know what is journalism and what’s just conjecture? Bro, do you even have a journalism degree? Have you ever been Clive McFarlane’s coffee bitch? Do you even rip off advertisers and give away your magazine for free at Shaw’s? No? Then you’re not a real journalist bro!!


I feel so bad for him every time he writes something like this. Old people should have to take a test before being allowed to go anywhere near social media. I mean, try to make it more obvious that you have Turtle on the brain, Walter Bear. You can’t. If you really wanna make it seem like you’re above us, then you’d just ignore us. Instead you’re getting butthurt about Gaffney speaking with us, and not you, and chastising us for our foul language.

He’s also none too pleased with the Telegram and Gazette:

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This poor guy. LOL. He wants recognition so bad and no one will give it to him. Someone pointed out that he kind of looks like like Turtleboy when he writes stuff like this. Walter Bear naturally disagrees:

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Oh I see. It’s OK to criticize the Telegram publicly because Walter Bird writes a free magazine. Therefore it’s just “one journalist commenting on another journalism outlet.” Got it. See that’s the root of all this butthurt. He’s bought into this whole “TBS isn’t journalism” nonsense. Poor Walter Bear. Someone get this guy a gift certificate to that Tewksbury massage parlor.


Anyway, since he feels the need to publicly trash Turtleboy, we’ve decided to start publicly trashing Worcester Magazine as well. Literally. As a matter of fact we have a new policy whenever we see a fresh stack of free Worcester Magazines, that you are free to do as well – throw it in the trash. For instance, while we read his latest hot garbage today we were at Bushel n’ Peck, which makes delicious sandwiches for the West Side’s finest citizens. We noticed a huge stack of free WoMags:



So after reading his article trashing us, we decided to throw Worcester Magazine where it belonged –



the trash.

Problem solved:


If you’re out and about, feel free to do the same and take pictures and send them to us. We’ll call it #TrashWomag. I don’t know why Walter Bear thought it would be wise to dance with the devil, but it’s certainly ill advised. We’re gonna be doing this from now on until Walter Bear puts out an official apology to Turtleboy Sports, admitting that he’s only trashing us because he’s butthurt and depressed. Oh yea, he also has to admit that he’s Petty’s reject propaganda machine. He also has to admit that he’s doing it because he’s depressed:

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Poor Walter Bear. Even Sarai Rivera is laughing at him:

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Luckily Worcester’s favorite overpaid “communications specialist,” Jen Roy, was there to make him feel better:

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Little flirting action. I like it. Wait until you get this one Walter Bear:

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Before responding to her, we’d suggest Walter Bear consult with his boy Ron for some advice:


Here’s my question – what is he going to do when Turtleboy Sprots wins the Worcester Magazine’s “Best Blog” award again in a couple months?


Because there’s no way he can admit once again that we are the champions of journalism around here. He’s got three options:

  1. Admit that Turtleboy is the winner and present us with the award.
  2. Lie, and pretend like someone else won the award.
  3. Get rid of the category.

I’m gonna predict he goes with #3. Imagine how dumb he’d look if he said that Old Balls or some other loser blog won the vote? There would be demonstrations in the streets, madness, and likely violent revolution.

P.S. If you’re gonna throw Worcester Magazine in the trash and send us pictures, feel free to take Janice Harvey’s column out of it first and put it on your fridge. Her latest piece shows that she carries that entire outfit.



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Want to have your business advert seen by over 1.2 million people per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.



18 Comment(s)
  • Belding
    January 3, 2016 at 2:03 am

    Let’s get it right, here. He’s now a writer of garbage at a shitty free weekly… AFTER he left his job as a MANAGING EDITOR of a different shitty free weekly (I see a pattern here).

    Odd. Almost seems like a step… down?

  • Jake from State Farm
    January 2, 2016 at 7:43 am

    Turtle boy, some reason my posts don’t go thru it’s getting pretty irritating.

  • Jake from State Farm
    January 2, 2016 at 7:41 am

    Walter, nice pic with a porn king that exploits women as objects. Glad you got exposed for that creep. You are irrelevant. You really are now.

  • Fillet O Fish
    January 2, 2016 at 1:38 am

    Womag needs to go based solely on 10 year old tom quinns horse hockey colunm.

  • Publius
    January 1, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    TB had made T&G irrelevant and seriously taken down womag.

  • Jafreese
    January 1, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Haha throwing them in the trash is hilarious. I’ve never looked in slide one of those mags so don’t know how bad it is. I have read T&G and it is truly horrible. We move to this area like 8 years ago. We’ve lived in different places in and out of the US and always read the local papers. We gave T&G an honest try and really wanted to like it, but after a few months we just couldn’t do it anymore. It just flat out sucks. Even the sports which should be easy, that Rich Garven guy is so bad I couldn’t even use it for 8 mins of reading on the can in the morning.

  • Gronkmonster
    January 1, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    I will admit I am pretty pissed about you taking all the copys of WM from Bushel and peck..What gives you the right to do that!!!!..My dog has not been able to shit all week now with out his favorite paper to shit on!!!!

    Only time anyone purposely takes a WM mag home is to try and load the ballots for someone they know in “best of Woo”..Rest of the time its for dog crap clean up

    • Wabbitt
      January 5, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      I guess your dog has a less discerning asshole than Turtleboy’s.

  • Davidsl
    January 1, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    I use WoMag to start garden beds and make compost – there’s always a kajillion dusty copies lying around everywhere. But I always read Janice first. Don’t I remember WB as a half-decent writer at one time? And doesn’t he kind of resemble a fatter/uglier/whinier Dave Foley?

  • M3
    January 1, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    Damn you TB! There are times I disagree with your blog. Never enough where I will no longer read. This time was different. I read the headline and thought that this time you went too fucking far. As I read the blog, I got more pissed off. Even called you a dooshnozzle! Then finally! I sighed relief! You gave Janice her due credit! There will be no #BurnTBmerchandise posts!

  • nagaga
    January 1, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Crying of laughter

  • Reddog
    January 1, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    I’m realativly new to tbs and I’ve seen this reference to ” old balls ” several times. I’m thinking I may know who it is,but I’m not sure. Someone enlighten me please.

  • Reddog
    January 1, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    I’m realativly new to tbs and I’ve seen this reference to ” old balls ” several times. I’m thinking I may know who it is,but I’m not sure. Someone enlighten me please.

    • Chris From Georgia
      January 1, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      Old Balls refets to Carlo Baldino who writes a blog in theT&G.

  • Doc
    January 1, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Nah, man. I get mad sometimes, and I drink, so when I look at facebook and whatnot in that mood, I treat it like I opened it in Read-only mode. Mebbe shoulda waited til you were over the mood? Can’t tell me this was a thought-out chess move, unless you addicted to the haters. Dude belittled you a little bit. Relax. You and that paper kinda need each other. If I end up getting off the couch and starting my project this year, we’re all going to need each other to be a Voltron for good. You just did a full post about tiny snits. {Yes, a man died on Belmont St., and that is not tiny, but both of your publications addressed that. Throwing the issues out dude? Like Opie stomping on a cake, which is fine, if you’re Opie and it was seven years ago… Which is fine if you want to be like Opie and Anthony (Like at one time I did!) but you are also trying to put yourself over as a credible news source.. I feel like you just have to make a decision about what this thing is going to be. “The Leprechaun” tore up issues of The Pulse in Kelley Square as a “statement” one time. Tossing issues is kinda the same. Just my 2 cents. BTW I don’t know Walter any more than I know you, and I like WoMag about half as much as I did under the previous owner. Just compelled to write.. not flaming, I’m a fan.

  • Avid Recycler
    January 1, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    Aw, couldn’t you have at least recycled them? Don’t fill trash dumpsters with them!

  • Maggie the Cat
    January 1, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    “The Establishment” feels threatened by the truth. It has always been this way. They fear losing power and they will do anything to keep it or get it back. But the truth, via Turtleboy Sports, will set us free. TURTLEBOY IS FREEDOM!

    Thank you, Turtleboy.

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