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The pumpkin spice mafia is still around and kicking it. But this time they’re not being accosted by women in Walmart in order to be enticed into the rape van parked in the lot. This time they sex traffickers are in War-wack, and you’ll never guess what their plan is now….
Yes, that’s right – they’re now kidnapping women by sending them poison filled notes with their phone numbers on them.
This is a real thing people!! The only possible explanation a reasonable person can come up with for this note is that there is poison on it. But it’s not a regular poison, it’s a special poison. You don’t have to digest it at all. Merely touching it with your fingers makes you pass out. However, it doesn’t happen immediately, and usually sets in later on when you’re driving. That way when your car crashes into a guardrail or a lamp post the kidnapper (who of course is following you) can put you in his car where he will sell you to the Ukrainians for your new life as a sex worker for Russian oligarchs. Sure, it would probably draw a lot more attention if you crashed your car, but these kidnappers don’t care. They do this shit in broad daylight all the time.
Thank God Jane was there to save her though. She’s an expert in sex trafficking identification. Nothing gets by her.
My favorite part was the last line:
“Please dont talk to strangers, even if your an adult, you have to be very careful.”
Again, this is a grown woman. An actual, real live adult, warning other adults not to talk to strangers because they might poison you with phone numbers and sell you into sex slavery.
In a sane world everyone would point and laugh at this woman, or at least reassure her that she was getting worried over nothing. But this is not a sane world, and the exact opposite happened, as the post has been shared about 2,000 times.
She barely made it out alive! Thoughts and prayers!
Don’t worry though ladies, now that the Foxy Lady is closed there are plenty of women willing to go into sex trafficking voluntarily, so you don’t have to fear being kidnapped with a surplus of rotted cooch like that looking for work.
Then she admits that she copy and pasted a good chunk of her status from a viral pumpkin spice mafia post.
A piece of paper with a guy’s name and phone number scared her. You can’t make this up.
Hey Elena, spoiler alert – he wrote down his phone number because he wants you to call him. This has happened to me (and I’m sure other women) a couple times previously, and it’s a really sad and pathetic way men who are too shy and/or too socially awkward to strike up a conversation with you, attempt to initiate Operation Bury the Broomstick.
The handwriting looks a lot like a man’s, and he probably put a heart instead of a dot over the i because he’s really bad at hitting on women, thinks they’ll be attracted to his softer side, and thus will view him as one of the “nice guys.”
It’s a low percentage move, but ultimately harmless.
I can’t say I blame him either. After all, you look like you like to party.
I don’t normally swim in the lady’s pond, but for you I’d jump in and give you lessons on the backstroke. Then again I’m a lot more forward and to the point, unlike poor Richard who was just trying to get his knob wet and ended up getting accused of sex trafficking.