Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and TB Rider to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship.

OK, after the last blog about human trafficking that never happened in Worcester, I decided that was it for me with this bullshittery. I’d had enough and wanted to drop the topic because it’s been done.  That was until a teacher, someone who’s supposed to know better than this, decided to start spreading this shit all over very near my turf. You can go ahead and be an idiot who likes to incite fear and paranoia all you want, but the second it’s close enough where my kids might get freaked out I’m coming for your ass. Thankfully, my kids are somehow smarter than you and know this is all bullshit:

Listen lady, we’ve been over this. More than a few times, actually. Here’s the facks, ma’am:

• Mother Of God is just a church.
• Police have investigated this church and they’ve been cleared of any sex trafficking or wrongdoing.
• When these folks ask you to take part in bible study, they’re just inviting you to bible study.
• If you feel creeped out, it’s your own paranoia making you feel creeped out.
• These people do not follow you around in stores.
• No women have ever diapeared because of this church and their bible study.
• You don’t need to travel in groups to protect you from bible thumpers.
• If you belive this shit, you ain’t right.

This article right here explains the church and how they’re not a sex trafficking cult. The more interesting part is how they highlight so, so many allegations from scared white 20 somethings talking about how this church is gonna snatch you right up:

“Retweet to save a life.”

Calm. The fuck. Down! If these people would just Google Mother Of God before they took to the internet to scare people and cause outrage, they would find that there’s literally never been a single case where a woman has been kidnapped by these people. This has been debunked time and time again. So why is a teacher, who is supposed to be in the know concerning current events and the world around her, spreading this shit?

Oh. That makes more sense. I’m not saying this woman is a mega pothead, I’m just saying that would explain the paranoia and falling for this kind of nonsense.

After scrolling her profile, which I’m not goin to link, she actually seems like a really nice lady. If she could cut the shit and get in on the fact that this church isn’t trying to sell anyone into sex slavery, I think we could hang. Examples 1-3:

Pats pumpkin:

‘Mercia:

Fucking MA and their teasing gas station signs! THAT I don’t miss about living in Massachuetts. False fucking hope, right here:

She kinda gets a pass because I’m sure she was just erring on the side of caution to keep her students safe, even if it is bullshit. The thing that bothers me is that no one thinks to look into this shit before they post. That’s common sense. If you feel like something isn’t right, but you’re not sure what it is, wouldn’t you at least Google it first? And why do so many people think this place is a front for human trafficking just because they heard it was from someone else? Why take anything at face value these days? A good portion of hearsay is absolutely untrue, everyone’s screaming about fake news and people are freaking out about supposed propaganda nowadays. So why believe this?

Because people need something to be upset and freaked out about when they don’t have anything to be freaked out or upset about. The original person who wrote this thing, Valerie Griffin, appears to be a basic chick who seems to have a lot of nice things going on in her life:

Crunchiest. Pregnancy photo. Ever. Which, I’ll admit, is fucking adorable.

She also posts vaguebook memes that tug at your heart like this:

OK, stop. Just come out and say you were a victim of domestic violence or that you have PTSD about some other awful shit that’s happened in your life. That would be a lot more thought-provoking and meaningful than a meme you ripped off from some other chick who went through the same shit. This? This does nothing. This just makes people sad for reasons they don’t even know.

What I would like to know is how does someone asking you to attend a bible study immediately signal red flags in these people’s heads? Is it because strangers rarely ever talk to other strangers anymore? I’m struggling to remember the last time someone randomly came up to me for any reason at all. Of course, I have constant resting bitch face and don’t exactly put out super friendly vibes, either. That’s just how I roll. But I can tell you this, if someone did come up to me out of the blue and ask me to bible study, or for any other reason, this would never be my reaction:

I wouldn’t call the police, nor would I hop on Facebook to tell everyone about my interaction with these folks and I certainly wouldn’t be putting false information out there. Google is a thing, hon. I’d politely decline and go about my day.

The worst part of this was the comments on the teacher’s post:

Everyone always knows a girl who had this happen to them. It’s not like any religious group has ever talked to random people to try and convert them, ever. Jehovah’s Witnesses? They don’t actually exist, totally an urban legend. I’ve definitely never had two women in skirts come to my house every fucking week for nearly a year because I’m too nice to tell them to fuck right off. Nope. Never happened. I’m not currently dodging them by not answering the door, either. I also don’t have a stack of those weird magazines they leave that I feel too bad to throw away.

Then some guy posted this, which is both funny and sad at the same time:

What the fuck? Listen, all female bible study groups are a thing. Chicks are more prone to do that stuff then men are, that’s just science. They probably didn’t know you needed passes to go on campus to try and convert some chick who just had dirty college sex. And of course they’re going to go to a college! There are tons of young, impressionable people there who usually have very open minds. That’s how dirty college sex happens.

Then there’s these hens who all just had to chime in about how it’s happening EVERYWHERE!

Hahaha, “Manchester is next I bet” I would pay cash money to see these ladies try and convert the good people of Manchvegas! Over here, you do get a lot of strangers who come up to you, but it’s usually panhandlers and junked out nutter butters. This would actually be a nice change of pace. Instead of being verbally assaulted because you’re trying to keep your pocket money to yourself, I think a lot of people would welcome these chicks trying to spread the word of God and have some bible study things. Manchester needs Jesus.

How much you guys wanna bet that we won’t be hearing about it when they finally do hit Manchester? The only thing you’ll hear is “Finally! It wasn’t a crackhead, but a nice lady telling me about Jesus. Didn’t even have to punch anybody!” That’s it.

I’m all done with the Pumpkin Spice Mafia and their paranoia. Just because we live in a time where people don’t really talk to other people anymore, doesn’t mean that when some actually does talk to you that you’re gonna be kidnapped. You’d think with everyone having a computer in their pocket that they’d look that shit up before they post on FB, but no.

I’m over it, you’re over it, we’re all over it. The only thing I ever want to see about this shit is people telling other people that this is false and no one is trying to traffic you as a sex slave. Just stop it. Stop it right the fuck now.

You’re making Jesus sad.