Turtleboy Investigates

We Catfished Facebook’s Marketing Department, Caught Them In A Lie, Taped It All, Got Them To Accept Imaginary $100K In Boosted Posts And They Still Refused To Protect Our Page

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Some social media companies spend millions of dollars a year on Facebook for various clients. For instance, let’s say you have an annual budget of $500,000 for marketing. You hire a company that drops money in different buckets. Facebook is the most important bucket because they’re basically a monopoly and everyone is on Facebook. So these companies that spend millions have to have human contacts to set up ad campaigns and organize strategies.

On February 1 we were given the name and contact information for a Facebook employee named Nicholas Marquez who works in their marketing department. We decided to catfish him by claiming to be an existing customer of his to see if we could get a response back. We emailed him that day but did not hear back.

Then on February 13 we got a call from Facebook. It was a guy named Phil Perry, and he had taken over Nick’s accounts while he was away for an undisclosed reason. We told him how our pages were being taken down and he said he knew about it already and had read our file.

Ya got that? He read a non-existent file. We had no file with Facebook. We never spoke with Nick Marquez before, we were just pretending to be a client to see if we could get a human being on the phone. Phil was literally just making it up as he went along, because that’s what they do at Facebook.

So we told him what was happening to our business pages. We told him we had paid for several sponsored posts on various pages we created. We told him we did so specifically because Facebook enticed us to do so with ads that appeared on the top of the pages:

Ads that specifically said, “build your business”

So we assumed that this was a legitimate way to spend money. After all, Facebook wouldn’t just take your money and shut down your account, would they?

Turns out they will. We’ve spent thousands of dollars and have a paper trail on all of it. It’s blatant fraud. Facebook likes to think that because their employees are like CIA agents, that they are untouchable. I assure you they are not.

Meanwhile after pages were taken down we still got messages from “Facebook Business” telling us that our ads have been approved and that money was being taken out of our company bank account:

They even sent us messages like this to incentivize us to purchase more boosted posts:

When we told Phil Perry about this his response was standard from Facebook:

Your accounts were shut down for violating the terms of service.”

In other words, he had no idea why our accounts were shut down. So we asked him how these profile pictures and posts, which got our accounts shut down, violated the terms of service:

He had no response and got quite testy. He made it clear he was not here to discuss this. All he wanted to know was what he could help us with as far as marketing goes. In other words, how much money would you like to spend with Facebook?

So we told him straight up – we want to spend $100,000 on boosted posts. He was all about it. Could not wait to get our credit card information to collect the cash.

But we also told him that if we were going to do this that we would need some sort of written guarantee that our investment would not go to waste, which it would if the page we were investing in was arbitrarily shut down because Facebook robots said a Christmas tree was pornography.

His response?

“We guarantee your page will not be taken down if you follow the community standards.”

Translation – we will accept your money but we will be taking no further steps to insure that your page is safe from attacks by malicious trolls who mass report it for pornography.

What a bunch of criminals.

Anyway, Phil gave us his direct line at Facebook which we will share later. But then the other day Nick Marquez called us back as well. He was a lot less of a dickhead, and we were prepared this time and recorded the entire conversation. We once again told him we wanted to spend a lot of money ($50K) to promote our page, but wanted assurance that our investment would be protected by them. Here’s how it went:

When we told him were willing to spend $50,000, he was all about it:

“I can assure you that you’ll get a good return on your investment for that. That’s one of the best things about this platform. Were not tracking cookies, we’re tracking users. That’s what makes our targeting better.”

When we asked him how he would protect the page that we were paying to have boosted, here’s what he said:

“There’s always the potential for having some kind of occurrence like that. It’s not a common thing. But there’s always that potential.”

Not a common thing? It happens all the time. Bernie Sanders himself was taken down by Hillary bots two years ago. Here’s a bunch of pages with over a million followers, all of whom were taken down by malicious groups of trolls. These people don’t even understand how the company they work for operates. They just take your money and then you can go fuck yourself.

This was the gotcha moment from Nick Marquez (about the 5:25 mark):

Basically it gets through an automated review, so it’s not a human being that looked at it. So if it was just a Christmas tree that got you taken down and there was no sexual content in there, then you can appeal that. And then you’ll have an actual contact from Facebook support and they can take a look at that image to decide if it was legitimate.”

There it is folks. A full fledged confession from a Facebook employee that reported posts are reviewed by robots, not human beings. Yet in Facebook’s terms and conditions it specifically says that all reported posts will be reviewed by a Facebook employee. They’re violating their own contract!!

On March 12, 2016, here’s what Facebook executive Monika Bickert told the media at a press conference:

“Bickert told CNNMoney that Facebook prioritizes the review of posts inciting physical harm — but all reports of violations are reviewed by trained Facebook employees.”

They’re lying. And we catfished them to prove it. It’s undeniable. The tape does not lie.

Nick also lied about having a contact to appeal when pages are turned down. When a page is pulled down there’s a button that says “appeal.” You press it and that’s the end of that. Turtleboy Refugees was published and unpublished 8 times!! Pure luck. Other pages are still waiting to hear back on the appeal, over a month later. Some, like the main page, the fallout shelter, and the lost boys of turtle, all have been permanently unpublished.

Uncle Turtleboy even said in that convo:

“This page (Turtleboy Sports Forever) will probably be taken down within the week.”

Actually, make that 24 hours. Facebook is just that predictable.

Nick was flustered:

“I’m not sure. I can’t tell why it’s being taken down, other than people are giving you a bad rating and saying you have sexual content.”

“When it comes down to the Facebook ad account that’s separate from the pages.”

“If your account gets shut down you will only be charged for the impressions we delivered. If you spend $10,000 and we only provide $5,000 worth of impressions we will only charge $5,000.”

Dude, what good is $5,000 worth of boosted posts if that page no longer exists? This is what they’re hiding behind – we provided you a service. Well yea, no shit. But the whole point of boosted posts is to build up a page that we plan on using in the future. The problem with Facebook is the future doesn’t exist.

“I will get in touch with my manager. But I’m not sure what we can do, it’s two different entities.”

“It might be in your best interest to create a corporate page and then have a sub page attached to it, so in case the sub page gets taken down the corporate page will still be up.”

“Have you tried going through the verification process? The blue checkmark is very hard to get. Try the gray one.”

Yea dude, we tried all that. We never hear back from anyone. We’ve literally tried everything. Your company is a joke.

Here’s Phil Perry’s contact information:

1-800-741-7060, Extension 24509

Whatever you do, DO NOT flood him with phone calls demanding that Facebook restore our Facebook page.

12 Comment(s)
  • Stunt Penis
    March 1, 2018 at 11:50 am

    This site is starting to remind me of the old “paypalsucks.com” forum.

    The reality is: Anything with the term “Turtleboy” in it on Facebook is more than likely going to be taken down, and in absence of a court order to the contrary, not likely to change any time in our lifetimes.

    Continuing to bitch about it is… well… like having a wife that harps on you constantly about something that happened 10 years ago, and constantly brings it up, over and over and over again.

    • Oscar the Grouch
      March 2, 2018 at 1:59 pm

      Try replacing the lowercase L in Turtleboy with an uppercase I?

      Anyways, I hate Facebook. Stopped using it. But still visit here multiple times a day. In fact, it’s the pretty much the only website I visit besides the ones I use for banking. I dig the material. It’s relevant. It makes me laugh with my husband when the world around us feels so saturated with woke.

      Definitely take Facebook for all that you can. And then come back to focusing on the little guy: the dedicated readers that visit your site directly regardless of the BS happening with your pages. Word of mouth works. It’s how I ended up here in the first place.

  • Facebooks Community Standard
    March 1, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Oh hey! We got the phone number of the overnight janitor that cleans the floors in the lunchroom at Facebook. Whatever you do, don’t call him and bother him even though he has absolutely nothing to do with the part of the company you need to deal with. Makes sense. I love TBS but get real. You’re grasping at straws and look desperate.

  • Antifarts
    March 1, 2018 at 10:58 am

    I’ve had friends suspended from Facebook by libtards who reported them in order to silence any non-PC comments. Fake reporting on Facebook, Reddit etc. is what antifa and others do to promote their groupthink.

    Facebook reminds me of a big utility – they don’t care about you because there is no competition, so they don’t have to. Employees are mostly Bay Area bicyclists and “progressives”, so are pleased to silence any diversity.

  • Sloppy
    March 1, 2018 at 9:42 am

    Good work. Fuck Facebook. That Mark Zuckerberg cunt strikes me as the kind of billionaire who still mysteriously ducks out to the bathroom when dining out with friends and the check comes.
    Just be careful with the recordings; MA and CA (where I’d assume the fucker works) are two-party consent states.

  • Dr. Frank N Furter
    March 1, 2018 at 6:30 am

    MAybe I’m too old for what passes for ‘Marketing’ speak these days. But when every one of my statements is met with the word “Gotcha!” by the person who is trying to separate me from my money it pisses me off.
    Does it mean “I fully understand your concerns and will take steps to protect your investments in your client’s future starting now” or “Fuck you, your money is MINE starting now”
    Count the the “Gotcha!” responses. It’s pitiful.

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 1, 2018 at 6:12 am

    HAHAH brian wins again

  • BrianNorthboro
    March 1, 2018 at 2:19 am

    It’s amazing that this is a publicly traded company listed on the stock exchange…with investors and a prospectus…and LIES…
    HOLY SHIT…this is SEC fraud. Plain and Simple….and nothing will come of it..

  • Honus Laterface
    March 1, 2018 at 2:08 am

    Any entity out there, that knows what is what, knows you can’t just ditch FB. Sadly, and I think most would agree, FB is the colossal fugly disjointed monopoly that you almost have to rely on to get the broadest exposure. This even goes for even if you focus on a smaller region or market. No other social patform will even touch the amount of subscribers as FB. So this shouldn’t be “go to another” platform, or do without which is out of the question, it is about FB oeprating like a respectable company that does what it says and is compliant with its own terms and conditions. Is that so hard to expect in this counrty from a corporation that has made billions off the back of the American society? I hazard to guess Uncle would agree?

    • fghhfd
      March 1, 2018 at 2:23 am

      If people want to read to material you don’t need fb. The internet survived for years long before the inception.

      • Virgina Crabs
        March 1, 2018 at 7:25 am

        “If people want to read to material you don’t need fb. The internet survived for years long before the inception.” You are so correct, everyone said the same thing to Myspace! lmao

  • ghdh
    March 1, 2018 at 12:26 am

    Dude just ditch fb

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