White Toast Malone Demands Payment For Live Show Appearance, Wants To Fight Bristol, Pulls Out Gun On Turtle Riders In Video Chat

Last week I wrote about a cat killing cumstain from Entfield, Connecticut who had started a social media feud for the ages with a police officer/comedian social media personality that was one of the more entertaining exchanges I’ve seen recently. If you haven’t already, you can catch up here:


Connecticumrag Steals Decal Off Police Car, Gets Called “Toast Malone” By Comedian Officer In The Most Entertaining Social Media Feud Of All Time


Connecticumrag White Toast Malone Is Also An Animal Abusing Oxygen Thief Who Was Sentenced To 2 Years In Jail For Brutally Killing 7 Cats



What a winner.

So, over the weekend I decided to try out a “kinder, gentler” Bristol to approach some of our esteemed blog subjects about their cordial invitations to Turtleboy Live, and I figured, why not try it on this ballsack-for-a-chin?


Although he expressed some skepticism, he did open us to me enough to give me this piece of evidence to exonerate himself from the allegations of heinous animal abuse,

….Which was just a rambling sentagraph in full ratchetnese posted to his Facebook page a little over 6 months ago.

Sorry, Toast, you’re just not that convincing. The only thing that reeks more of horseshit than you story is your upper lip, FACKS.


But I definitely still wanted him on live at this point, because here at Turtleboy we are in the business of ratchet redemption, and clearly, this guy is desperately in need.


The fact that this cat murdering, barely literate, perpetually unemployed career criminal assesses his own value at $150.00 for any amount of time in exchange for his brain dead prattle is astounding. At this point, I dropped any semblance of an attempt at being charming, because I suck at it anyway. And Toast did not disappoint in his reaction.



If you are a full grown man who speaks in butchered English and crying laughter emojis, your argument is automatically invalid. I don’t write the laws of the internet and nature, it’s just how it is.  Toast Malone further proved this point, however, by quickly blocking me.


I’m going to assume it was the fact I have a vagina that scared him off, as lifetime loser beta males often are intimidated by lady bits. This was probably an unwise move, because as unpleasant as I am to deal with if you’re a gigantic scumbag failed abortion like Tiny Tim, our Turtleriders can be so, so much worse.


Nobody calls Nikki Potnick a crackhead. Nobody. Everyone knows she prefers black tar heroin and meth. Someone needs to check his FACKS.

“Can’t be a wannabe thug with a gun charge at 17.” Oh my God. Somebody put that shit on a T shirt, this guy is a regular ratchet poet laureate. Never before has a single sentence carried a total lack of ambition, standards, morality or self awareness so completely. I’m certainly no advocate for any form of self harm, but if you ever find yourself bragging to a troll account about the gun charges you received in lieu of a high school diploma after being featured not once, but twice on Turtleboy, you may at least want to reevaluate your life and it’s overall value.



Fair point, seeing as “Come see me” is ratchetnese for, “I don’t have a license and car, and my ball sack is just a beat up empty coin purse where testicles are supposed to be”.

That’s right, a 9mm, as in, gun. This fucking waterhead actually pulled out a weapon in a Facebook video chat with two strangers, just hours after defending his own good name and decrying the criminal charges for which he was convicted and served time.


I can’t imagine why he didn’t make parole. He should be thankful he made it out of jail, period, because this is one douchenozzle clearly not fit for the outside.



And then of course, he ran away, because when you spend your whole life victimizing small defenseless rescue cats and talking shit to strangers online from the comfort of the couch in your mom’s section 8 den, what else are you going to do?

Thanks for the memories, Tiny Tim! I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve heard of White Toast Malone, however. I’m just going to come out and say, if a time comes where women start turning up dead and missing in the Entfield area, I know I’d be looking right at this fucking guy.

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10 Comment(s)
  • Lassie DGAF
    January 30, 2019 at 3:20 am

    Timmy needs to fall down a well. Or a septic pit.

  • Big Wick
    January 29, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go?
    Timothy, Timothy, God why don’t (we) knooooow?

  • whatevuh
    January 28, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    there isn’t a single property on his street in Ansonia CT over $150,000 basically, a bunch of tool sheds with toilets and running water . . . Enjoy Timmy

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    January 28, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    Oh a virtual gun! Count me scared!

    I have a real one if he wants to stop by. I’ll give him a close up inspection of it prior to his either dying or begging for forgiveness. I’d actually like to see his face explode into a large can of spilled spaghetti-o’s. Are you game scumbag?

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    January 28, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    Gonna be interesting when the first TB reader gets killed.

    (C’mon you know its coming, dopes)

    I want to her TB explain how its none of his business.

    • January 28, 2019 at 4:59 pm

      Randall, shut the fuck up, honestly. If you think TB readers are the only people on the internet to provoke strangers via text, you’re stupider than I thought…and that would be a feat.

    • Captain Trips
      Maura Healy
      January 28, 2019 at 6:21 pm

      Is that a threat Randall?

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 28, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    What a fucking joker! If he ever confronts a real gangsta, he will be dead in about 15 seconds. Flashing a 9mm on video ought to get him locked up, if should ever get forwarded to the Police. He’s so stupid he doesn’t even get that. Unless he WANTS to go back to lock up…this kids a real dope….

  • Tiny Tim Edwards’ Action Packed Anus
    January 28, 2019 at 2:09 pm

    A 25 year old, unemployable, gamma-phag who thinks $150 is a princely sum !! He really aimed high and shot at the stars with the unheard of, jaw dropping amount of a yard and a half. I bet he had big plans for all that cash !! No more store-brand underwear and South Pole jeans for Timmy !! He could’ve been SOMEONE, just once. He really could’ve put his new FB profile picture of him holding SIX twenty dollar bills !! Imagine how his street cred would soar ?? Imagine the envy from his blow job hustling friends ?? Tim would’ve been the success story his disappointed family have always dreamed he could be !!
    Fucking pathetic…..

  • Sausagewallet
    January 28, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    This psycho walks amoungst us. Great, Grand, Wonderful…

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