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  • A Turtle Rider Murdered This Snowman In Cold Blood That Some Punk Kids Blocked The Road With On Reservoir Street

    A Turtle Rider Murdered This Snowman In Cold Blood That Some Punk Kids Blocked The Road With On Reservoir Street

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    On Reservoir Street in Worcester, about a quarter mile from the Holden line, a turtle rider came across a snowman in the middle of a road that some punk kids put up as some sort of joke. He had to drive around it like the other cars had to do. But the thing was in the middle of the road and was actually pretty dangerous. So he did the only thing a good citizen of the Woo could do:

    Boom! Right in the kisser!!

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    Fuck you snowman!!

    How are the roads in your town? We’re tentatively planning a bone ride tomorrow to check out the roads in various Worcester County towns. Beep beep! Turtleboy’s coming to town!



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    1. coach

      Never has the Coach rooted for the airbags more than this moment. While the constructor of the snowman is a complete asshat,any moron that runs a modern vehicle with airbags into anything deserves a punch-in-the-face by said airbags.

      1. BHO

        Next time theres a cinder block in it.

    2. Frosty

      That was cold!

    3. Turd Burglestein

      The guy is really lucky those kids didn’t put cinder blocks in that snowman. I wouldn’t put it past a lot of those gutter punks to do something vicious like that, probably video it for youtube.

      Maybe poke some sticks through it first before driving head on at 40 into a stationary object is all I’m saying, but bravo to the guy…well done.

      1. Turd Burglestein

        Because it certainly is the type of pussy move I’d pull. I mean, who else would think of something like that except another twisted little weasel of a man. Like me.


      How the hell did I go from this, to trailer truck crashes, to Ron White Comedy, weird . . . . but hey I’m back now

    5. Turd Burglestein

      The bad news is Worcester has dome a shitty job on the roads. There is still snow outside WHAAAAA!

      The good news the methadone clinic is open and the line was pretty short this morning.

      1. Turd Burglestein

        I’m staying inside today. Keeping these old bones dry. Gonna work on my song. I tried to pick the most current song I could think of so I chose something from Foreigner. They’re still pretty hot with the young folks, aren’t they? I was thinking maybe Sinatra or Elvis but “Jukebox hero”, can’t get hipper than than! Who wouldn’t get that reference? Now where’d I put my Oxy’s?

        1. Turd Burglestein

          Oh, there they are. It’s a good thing I have a few thousand of these laying around. Sometimes I space out and forget where I left them or they end up being under a big stack of money that I haven’t finished counting after my latest shipment.

          Hmmmm….. this makes me wonder what bob and his wife are talking about this morning. Possibly something regarding his obsession with a fiesty lawyer and why he was flirting with someone on the internet instead of being a loving supporting husband.

        2. Turd Burglestein

          Ah, just finished feeding the dog. Every day I scoop out 1/2 a can of soft food and put it between my asscheeks. Then lay down and let Fido chow down. It’s good for both of us. He eats and I get some sexual pleasure. I close my eyes and pretend it’s a young Hulk Hogan, say around 1985. *Sigh* Sure, wish I was young again when I used to have pool parties and I had dozens of young studs with stiff pricks bouncing around my yard. Now it’s just me and my 14 year old bulldog.

    6. Publius

      First thought was what if something was put in snowman. Worcester did good job on the plowing. Millbury not so much.

    7. Independent Thinker

      The weather forecasters sure got this one wrong. We were supposed to be hit with a meteorological bomb! A huge blizzard with two or more feet of snow. Inland wasn’t supposed to get much at all. It was basically a typical winter snowstorm that began mid-morning and ended mid-afternoon with a foot of snow and some wind.

      I agree that I would not have plowed over a snowman not knowing what was inside.

    8. Nieve Ned

      Lucky for everyone a turtle rider just happened to be driving on the road where a snowman just happened to be there……………figure the odds.

      1. Very Fake News

        Reminds me of the Boston Globe photographers who carry a stuffed squirrel in their cars for a quick stand in pic.

    9. Kirby

      That spray shit they put down before a storm is ONLY applied to main arteries, ie FLAT ROADS. They do not spray the HILLS!

    10. Lindaloo

      Charlton roads are horrendous! You would think by 2:00 pm they would have been pretty clear. Cars getting stuck everywhere!

    11. Lindaloo

      Charlton roads are horrendous. By midday they were still in terrible condition!

    12. ZephyrCat

      It’s almost been a day already. Where’s the pavement? Why aren’t sidewalks cleaned? How in the fuck am I supposed to get free methadone????? I’m pissed.

    13. Wormtown Kris

      As the snowman hurtled through the air it was heard screaming, “I’ve been MURDED!!!”

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