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Last night the Department of Justice made their grand entrance into Worcester to fix our very serious, and very real racism problems via a series of community discussions. Over 200 people showed up, so unfortunately there would be no question and answer period. Instead it was group discussions at tables and designated speakers for each table.

All things considered, it was a pretty tame event. Which is what you would expect from a city where pretty much no one is racist, except for a handful of ragtags on the Internet. A woman I overheard asked the guy from DOJ if he saw any people shouting. He said no. Any people with crossed arms or bad body language? No. Any people who wouldn’t look at anyone else. No. So she said “What are we doing here?”. He said, “I don’t know. Everybody looks pretty cool to me. People friendly with everyone. Seems like a nice place, really.”

That’s when I realized what a joke this whole thing was. The Justice Department goes to real cities with real problems. Worcester has no problems. It has 20 people who hold rallies and complain that everything is racist. That’s it. We all just laugh at them and go on with our lives.

But for whatever reason Joe Petty and Ed Augustus can’t see this. Because that would require critical thinking and common sense. Instead these two geniuses put this all together to appease a man who dresses like this:

Gordon freaking Davis. An obviously stable and rational human being who brings his recycled “End White Supremacy” to every weekly rally he attends. Here’s what Gordy and his partner in crime had to say at the meeting when they got up and spoke:

Longtime activists Gordon and Gwendolyn Davis were more blunt and specific. Ms. Davis said the Department of Justice likely wouldn’t even be in town facilitating the sessions had it not been for protest actions in the city partly organized by the Communities United Collective as part of the Black Lives Matter movement in the wake of the fatal police shooting of Michael Brown last year in Ferguson, Missouri. She said she’d like to see the Department of Justice investigate the Worcester Police Department, particularly in light of charges recently brought against protesters who briefly blocked Kelley Square on Jan. 19. 

Mr. Davis wondered how the Department of Justice being here is even going to make a difference. He asked why the city manager can’t talk to people without the federal organization’s help.

Wait………what? Gordon Davis thinks the Justice Department shouldn’t be here unless they follow his silly, ridiculous, misguided plans to fix racism? LOL. Outstanding. I want whatever he’s smoking.

So let me get this straight Gordon and Gwen. You want the Department of Justice, an organization that investigates lynchings and widespread voter repression, to investigate the Worcester Police for arresting protesters who were purposely breaking the law in order to draw attention to something that they supposedly believe in passionately?

Can someone please explain to me why we’re taking these people seriously anymore? Can’t we just give them a bunch of carboard and some markers and have them draw protest signs all day? Why are Petty and Augustus treating Gordon and Gwen Davis like their delusional thoughts can be part of an adult conversation about anything?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the Worcester protesters are the most bootleg protesters in all the land. I see protesters in Oakland, Baltimore, New York, and Boston keeping it real. Getting arrested. Going to jail. Doing their thang.

But not the Worcester protesters. Oh no. They whine, complain, and hide after Johnny Law comes after them. Newsflash – the whole point of civil disobdience is to get arrested. If you really believe the system is broken then you’re SUPPOSED to get arrested so you can make a mockery of it.

But in a little place I like to call “reality,” you don’t think the system is broken. You just like to protest because at the end of the day you’re just losers with too much time on your hands. Some of you use pretend racism as a means to profit and further your careers. Sonya Conner and Joyce McNickles are your radical college professors. Cara Berg Powers sells diversity and cultural sensitivity training. Clive McFarlane gets paid to be a click baiting whore piece of garbage.

But where have they been? It’s down to Gordon and the sunshine kid:

Back in December they had enough hippies to blockade Lincoln Square. Then their numbers declined so they settled on Kelley Square. Then last week 15 ragtags marched down to Elm Park. Old Man Gordy and Nicholas Choquette are all they’ve got left. Sonya Conner has gone running for hills ever since she’s realized that she’s one more protest away from losing her cushy job at Worcester State. Kevin Ksen realizes Mary Keefe doesn’t want some repeat offender running her campaigns. RBG is still basking in the Worcester’s Best Poet glory.

And every single one of them knows that Worcester doesn’t have a race problem. It was all fun and games when they were blocking traffic, but now that careers are on the line they’re playing the “It wasn’t me” card. Worst. Hippies. Ever.

You know what’s even more embarrassing? They’re being showed up by the Springfield hippies. At least those glorious creatures keep it real. They even have use hashtag #blm413 on Twitter so you can find magnificent glamour shots of them outside the Springfield Courthouse at their summons:

See that Worcester hippies? You’re supposed to EMBRACE getting arrested, not whine and call the Justice Department. Rookies. The problem is that a lot of the Worcester frauds who protest have real jobs and mortgages in Sutton to pay for. They can’t be taking days off for court dates. But these guys?

They didn’t have a scheduling conflict. Court is literally just something to do. Good God, those are the happiest hippies I’ve ever seen. And ya know why Springfield’s got em and we don’t? Because Western MA is hippie breeding ground and Central MA is blue collar breeding ground. Everyone by us is too busy working all day and trying to get by that we don’t have time to dwell on whether or not the words we’re saying have been approved by the Circlejerk sensitivity patrol.

But Western MA hippies only have their self sufficient gardens to attend to in Northfield, Shelburne, and Northampton. Some of these guys have been getting arrested since Three Mile Island. They want nothing to do with you fake Worcester hippies, which is why they started their own hashtag that you’re not invited to.

You know how else you can tell that these people are frauds? None of em showed up. It was Gordy and crazy old Joyce, who was seated next to the most unlucky cop in America:

Serious quesiton – is she always mad? Like, I’m pretty sure we’re slowly watching her go insane. I think she’s upset that this whole thing has been turned into a mockery and her 95 year old geriatric husband had a lot to do with it. Old Balls has been one of the biggest cheerleaders for the Justice Department to come to the Woo because he insists we’re wicked racist. Meanwhile they get here and he’s at home watching Bonanza. A seniled old man from Sutton is dictating conversation in the second largst city in New England as he sits at his home in Sutton. That’s a real thing that happened in real life.

The one person who got up and spoke the word of the people was Anne Marie Bartlett:

“A woman from another table said there was a concern among her group that a portion of the discussion on race in the city is being driven by a small number of people trying to stir the pot. It has created a hypersensitive atmosphere, she said. She referred to Worcester Magazine columnist and North High School teacher Janice Harvey, who used the term colorblind in talking about issues of race at the school. The woman said she just found out that in 2015, the word colorblind carries a more negative connotation she was unaware of.”

Couldn’t have put it better myself. Ann Marie Bartlett had the guts to get up in front of a hostile room full of hippie propaganda and speak the truth. I tip my hat to you Ann Marie. You may recognize her as one of the Turtleboy Sponsors. If you’re looking to buy your first home, you’re gonna need a realtor because in all likelihood you have no idea what you’re doing and you’ll end up getting bamboozled by some speculator. Call our girl Ann Marie because obviously she has a good head on her shoulders. You don’t wanna fuck around with your first house.

Anyway I was the Turtleboy designee for this event, and let me tell you, it was quite the show. Too many buzzwords to remember them all but I wrote down some of the major things they said. Italicized are the buzzwords, followed by our normal regular people thoughts in bold. 

Vision of worcester where everyone is valued

Agreed. Now what specifically does that mean?

Pathway to get there

Pathway already exists. It’s called “get a job and vote.”

Mechanism for voiceless

Already exists. It’s called voting.

Want to talk about race white privilege and bias

Of course you wanna talk about that. Because if we waste our time doing that there won’t be any changes made and you’ll have something to bitch about so you can validate your useless existence.

Want safety for young black men

Agreed. Obey the laws. Safety achieved.

Want solutions whatever they are

Strong point. Strong.

Wants to acknowledge and adress institutional racism

OK, even if we throw you a bone that institutional racism is a real thing Then what? What comes next? Because it seems to me all you wanna do is whine, bitch, and complain about how there’s not enough teachers of color in the classrooms and not enough people of color on the City Council. Here’s an idea – start applying to become teachers and running for office. Boom. Problem solved.

Large corporate racism

Wait……what?

Media should be looked at

Translation – let’s all bitch about a blog that revolves around a boy who may or may not be molesting a turtle.

DOJ should adress school to prison pipeline

Translation – I want schools to be as unsafe because my hatred of the police is that strong.

Racist unemployment needs to be addressed

Sounds good. Let’s address it right now. Please let the DOJ, Petty, and Augustus know specifically which employer in Worcester is a racist. Because in order to adress the ever present racist unemployment problem, first we have to find which employer is causing it. Go.

Living wage for all

Translation – give me money.

Parents and teachers need involvement for students

Agreed. If you can figure out a way to make deadbeat parents give a shit I’m all ears.

Nurture and help students of color

Right. Teachers should show up every day to work and help kids learn. You know, like they’re doing already.

Make curriculum relate to students of color. 

Oh for fucks sake.

Support a real diolauge

What, this one doesn’t count? How come no matter how many “conversations” we have about racism, all I ever hear about is the dialogue about racism that never took place?

Equal schooling for all students

Agreed. Public schools should be free and open to students of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds. You know, like they are now.

The bottom line is that this entire thing is a joke. The Department of Justice even admitted that yesterday with their, “Who the hell sent us here?” quote. I say embrace the joke. If you couldn’t make it yesterday, check out the next few, becuase there will be a bunch. Obviously the meeting about social media will be a real barn burner. Flood these meetings with normal people. Because the only way to fight back against insanity is with sanity.

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