6’3″ Dennis Yarmouth Field Hockey Goalie Gets Facialized By Acton-Boxboro, Ignites Old Debate

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Lowell SunThe Acton-Boxboro field hockey team is one win away from completing an undefeated season after beating the Dennis-Yarmouth Dolphins, 3-0, in an MIAA Division 1 state semifinal Tuesday at Reading Memorial High School. Leah Cardarelli scored two of A-B’s three goals. The first came seven minutes into the first half off a centering pass from Margaret Bettez, with the shot beating D-Y goalie Max Allen as he dove to his right.

Even though the Colonials are going for an undefeated season, much of the talk before the game revolved around Allen, D-Y’s 6-foot-3 male goalie. He is far from the first player to play on a girls’ field hockey team, but he is arguably the one who’s drawn the most attention. For his part, he played extremely well, making 16 saves, including a string of remarkable saves early in the second half during an offensive barrage by A-B.

“I have total respect for what he’s doing out there,” A-B head coach Mae Shoemaker said. “We were out here to play field hockey no matter who was on the field.”

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So this whole boys playing on field hockey team thing is pretty controversial, and I can see both sides of it. On the one hand, Turtleboy Sports is a feminist family blog, so we believe in equality of the genders. Girls and boys should have equal access to sports, and blah, blah, blah.

On the other hand this is completely bullshit and happens every year. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Dennis-Yarmouth or any other school having boys playing field hockey shouldn’t be allowed until St. John’s Prep, Xavarian, and St. John’s Shrewsbury get field hockey teams. If it’s really a sport where boys have unlimited access then why don’t those schools have teams? Because they would DESTROY everyone, that’s why.

I’m sure this kid is a nice person and has a heart of gold and he’s not breaking any rules or anything. But get the hell out of my face with this crap. This kid dominates. He basically shutout everyone on his way before he ran into these bad ass girls from Acton-Boxboro. By the way, these girls are my new heroes. Beating a 6’3″ boy who has an unfair physical advantage over you by three goals is the shit that legends are made of. You go girls!!!


Now Max Allen is just a kid and he’s not breaking any rules, so I don’t blame him for anything. But what’s up with his parents? When Turtleboy Jr. comes to me and says he wants to play field hockey in high school so he can run up the score on his sister and her stupid friends, I’m gonna have him go clean out the gutters instead. Get out of my face with that jive Turtleboy Jr!!!

And can we just please stop pretending that women are equal to men in sports? Stop. Just stop. If that were the case then there wouldn’t be world records for men and women. The women wouldn’t start 30 minutes before the men at the Boston Marathon. There wouldn’t be a WNBA. This doesn’t mean you’re not a hardcore feminist like I am if you believe that. It just means you’re living in reality. And that’s OK.

What I don’t understand is why he signed up for field hockey? I’ve watched many a field hockey match before, and I have absolutely no fucking clue what’s going on. They blow that whistle every five seconds and it’s really, really slow. I mean, why not play goalie for the soccer team? Or football. He’s 6’3″, he could play tight end. The kid it turns out was All-League in tennis last year too. So obviously this kid is a good athlete who can probably do pretty well in any boy’s sport he chooses. But he’s CHOOSING to play a sport that only girls play, presumably because it’s much, much easier to win.

And please get out my grill with the excuse that field hockey is a man’s sport in Europe and in India. Guess what? Men do a lot of really strange shit in Europe and India. Doesn’t mean we should try to emulate that here.


What I wanna see happen is some school out there make a complete mockery of this whole thing. I want Doherty, or Brockton, or Lowell, or Wachusett, or some school with a bunch of athletic boys who aren’t doing shit in the fall because they’re getting ready for basketball, to pick up a bunch of sticks, hike up their skirts, and facialize every other school in field hockey. Win every game 10-0 with no mercy. We’ll see how quickly people are signing the same tune Turtleboy’s singing.

The reason people aren’t more fired up about this, and the reason that a lot of women surprisingly support boy’s playing field hockey, is because boys haven’t made a mockery of it yet. It’s always some isolated incident like this one at DY. One or two kids plays, they do pretty well, but they fall just short of the state title. But don’t be fooled, it’s the girls who get really screwed over here. Does Notre Dame Hingham, or Notre Dame Academy in Worcester have the option of having boys on their team? Nope. Doesn’t seem very “equal” to me.

And just for the record I don’t think this should work both ways. Girls SHOULD be allowed to play whatever boy’s sport they want. Because the undeniable scientific fact that remains after all is said and done, is that boys are made bigger, stronger, and faster, ON AVERAGE than girls are. So if a girl can play boy’s basketball, or football, or baseball, or lacrosse at the same competitive level that this kid from Dennis-Yarmouth plays at field hockey, then more power to ya sister.

And what about transgender? Nah, not going there.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Too Tall Tim
    Too Tall Tim
    October 2, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    What? Isn’t 6’3″ basketball player height? How come he ain’t playing basketball?! [sarcasm]

    I knew who the coach at my junior high was as soon as I saw him because of his clothes (& the whistle), and I’ll never forget the look on his face when he first saw me, a seven foot tall tenth grader, emerging from the school bus as I squeezed myself out through the door. Too bad he had to find out I ain’t worth shit when it comes to playing basketball. (poor coach)

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