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Aaron Hernandez Is Florida Gators’ Mr. July On 2014 Calendar And Somehow We’re Finding This Out Now

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Aaron Hernandez might be in jail, but he’ll also be somewhere else this month: In the homes of thousands of Florida Gator fans. Well, Hernandez won’t technically be in the homes, but his picture will.

The former Gators tight end is the July cover boy for a 2014 sports calendar licensed by the school. If you’re wondering how an accused killer ended up on a 2014 calendar, school spokesman Daniel Apple has the answer.

Apple told the Associated Press that the calendar was approved months before Hernandez was charged with murder in June 2013.

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Can’t wait until Aaron Hernandez finds out about this from his co-murderer Carlos Ortiz. It will probably go something like this:

Carlos Ortiz: Hey Aaron, July?

AH: Yea I blamed it on the black guy, make sure you do the same. 

Carlos Ortiz: Oh, I was talking about the calendar esse. 

AH: You disrespecting me?

Carlos Ortiz: No. 

(Aaron Hernandez kills him anyway)

My question is, why the hell is this becoming news now? Did no one look ahead on their calendars when they got them for Christmas? Because usually when I get a calendar I flip through it real quick and see who’s on each month. It’s like every idiot that bought one of these flipped their calendar on July 1st and said, “WTF??”

It just doesn’t get any more Florida than this. Look, if you have a calendar with 12 famous people from Florida, odds are that at least four of them are gonna be murderers. Let me guess, George Zimmerman is Mr. August, and Casey Anthony is Ms. September? Riley Cooper went to Florida too. I’m assuming they have this picture up for black history month in February:

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So let me get this straight. Aaron Hernandez finally gets caught after killing his 100th victim on June 26, 2013. Then you have this Apple guy who approved the calendar months before that. So the new year didn’t start for another five months, and somehow this wasn’t enough time? How long does it take to print a bunch of calendars? I can make one online right now and pick it up at CVS in two hours.

So am I to believe that all the calendars had already been printed as of June 26, 2013? Let’s say they were for some reason done that far in advance. Instead of printing out a bunch of new ones that probably cost them five cents each which they will then sell for $20 to unsuspecting Florida morons, they just said, “fuck it” let’s sell em anyway? Considering this is Florida we’re dealing with, this is probably exactly what happened.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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