Agitating Bald Man At Red Sox Game Who Booed Sweet Caroline Might Be Best Fan Ever

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Fenway Park is the weakest crowd in MLB. Last night the Boston Red Sox were engaged in one of the most meaningful games they’ve had against the New  York Yankees in years. The Sox were losing 5-1 going into the bottom of the eighth. And since this was such a big game (if they win they were within a manageable 4.5 games) you would assume real Red Sox fans wouldn’t be too happy about it.

But this is Fenway Park, and 95% of the people there don’t really give a shit who wins. They’re there for one reason and on reason alone – to sing Sweet fucking Caroline. The worst song ever made in the history of the world. Anyone who has ever sung this God forsaken song at a game the Red Sox are losing is a fraud. During this terrible song about Neil Diamond’s strange infatuation with a young girl, the fans chant how they feel “so good, so good!!” But what the fuck is there to feel good about if you’re about to go move 6.5 games out of first place and you just lost Clay Buccholz to his annual season ending injury?

Oh yea, nothing. That’s why I have all the respect in the world for this guy behind home plate last night who booed it relentlessly:

He’s right. That song sucks. If you’re at the Red Sox game and they’re losing, and a bunch of idiots stand up with their girlfriends and sway to this song, it is your duty as a Red Sox fan to boo them. Anything else is unacceptable. If you do this at a Red Sox game, send us the video and we will put it on the blog and immortalize you.

And I’ll tell you one thing I’m sure of – whoever made that video definitely wasn’t sitting in their real seats. No way. Those seats are for the wine and cheese crowd. It’s for suits who are there because they have the money and it’s something to do. Total status move. The real fans are stuck behind load-bearing poles in the grandstands, angled towards center field in a seat that was made before transfat was invented.

fenway park pole

I’m 99% sure I figured out who this guy was too – an agitating bald man. First let’s examine the scene with one out in the 9th inning. Notice the white-haired guy in the red shirt who is sitting in the aisle seat, second row behind the catcher on the right. You will notice that he did not watch a single pitch of this critical at bat of this critical game. As a matter of fact, he spent most of the game talking to his buddy across the aisle, who equally gave no fucks, as they were discussing where they were going to eat brunch in Nantucket on Sunday:

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But then you will see that some hooligan from the nosebleeds, who is clearly wearing an outfit that his mother bought for him at Maurice the Pantsman in 1998, moseyed his ass down to the seats where he will be very out of place:


He was evidently very nervous, and attempted to hide himself behind Nantucket man, as he must’ve known he was on TV and feared John Henry was going to spot him:



Clearly he is coordinating with one of his hooligan friends on the phone, talking about ways in which he can offend those around him. This MUST be the guy who booed Sweet Caroline. But you can tell he actually gave a fuck about the game, because unlike the rube in front of him, he actually watched every pitch:


This man, who is clearly some sort of union hack or landscaper, as can be seen from the champion brand t-shirt, couldn’t have made it more obvious that he was thrilled to be sitting in a seat where he never imagined himself sitting in when he started waving at his goon friends back in Billericca:


Come on man, act like you’ve been there before.


Anyway, right before Mike Napoli grounded out into a fielder’s choice, Nantucket man realized he didn’t wanna deal with a crowd while leaving the park, so he took one final look at the game before deciding to get the fuck out of there:



Naturally then, our hooligan friend saw an opportunity and moved down to the front. This right here is the face of a man who just accomplished a feat he never thought was possible:


Then of course he started acting nervous again and began to bother the strange women around him.

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I swear these are my real seats. I just got here now because I was busy signing some paperwork for the big merger. Wanna go to Sissy Kay’s after this?”

You can tell this guy was in the wrong section, because he was the only one who seem to gave a shit after Shane Victorino struck out to end the game, by standing up and throwing his arms up in disgust:

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Thank you agitated bald man. You are a fan among frauds. I wish we had 37,000 fans just like you at the game, who aren’t afraid to boo Sweet Caroline, schmooze with strange women, and yell at Shane Victorino for being such an abysmal failure.

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16 Comment(s)
  • StickiToMyOpinion
    July 13, 2015 at 9:04 am

    Especially here on the pages of Turtleboy Sports, Maggie. Especially here on the pages of Turtleboy Sports.

  • Maggie the Cat
    July 12, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    This state is actually full of idiots, so we’re not alone.

  • Maggie the Cat
    July 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    I hate that song, because I hate the Kennedys with a passion. I’d rather hear the song “Dirty Water” by the Standells, which I think reflects the real Boston much more than some rich little girl on her pony. (In a picture actually taken in Virginia, no less.)

    • StickiToMyOpinion
      July 12, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      HA HA HA Maggie the Cat! I thought I was the only one. Great minds do indeed think alike! s.

      • Maggie the Cat
        July 12, 2015 at 9:20 pm

        StickinToMyOpinion: And I guess we’re two of the greatest minds in the state!

    • StickiToMyOpinion
      July 12, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      Of course, I’m also an idiot, so we have that in common too.

  • July 12, 2015 at 11:24 am

    While it is an atrocity, this could be far worse. Just imagine what this would be like if they were all singing to “Sunshine on my Shoulders” by John Denver.

    If you need to Google that, don’t eat before you do it.

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    July 12, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Once again we see Turtle contempt for the well-off. The recurring theme of envy by Worcester’s blue-collared victim class is on full display.

    • clives doorag top convertable
      July 12, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      lol..WHO would have thhunk..Jeffy is a pink hat!

    • Wabbitt
      July 14, 2015 at 12:00 am

      So wait… you’re a filthy hippy AND you’re throwing in with the 1%? Dude, you can’t be Wall Street AND Occupy Wall Street. That’s literally selling weapons to both sides in a war.

  • Drylaw
    July 11, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    I hate sports, but I like wiseass pricks that piss in people’s cornflakes by booing during some dumb ass song
    The only thing better would have been some middle aged guy crying because they lost and threatening to fight the offending booer because the world (particularly sports fans) love a scape goat

  • Dom
    July 11, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    I typically support your articles but did you take notes from the globe on this one? Based on what you said, you are trying to turn sox fans in to despicable Philly fans. The fans that BOOO everything and everyone. One of the best parts of being a Redsox fan is knowing that if the team has a .400 win % in dead last or .600 in first place, the fans will still support the team and cheer. Bandwagon fans are douchebags … BOOers are douchebags … stop trying to turn Redsox nation into a bunch of douchebags like you see in Vets Stadium! … and the stadium song, Sweet Caroline … yeah, the song sucks but it gets the crowd pumped, so its a non-issue.

    • TMnT DEK
      July 11, 2015 at 9:28 pm

      His point is, the sweet Caroline fans are douchebag pink hat know nothings. The only time Mr. Polo and Mrs. Pink Hat were facing the field and interacting was when they were swaying & singing to pedophilia music. 50% of the crowd are not sticking by the team in last place, they’re in corporate seats or because they’ve got the money to burn for status. The song sucks and if that’s what gets you into a game or gets the crowd going then go to a soccer match. The Rev’s need some real fans like them.

      Let’s not boo everything, but let’s not let them pull the wool over our eyes and tell us everything is so good so good, when it’s Soooo not. Play dirty water or shipping up to Boston or something by Aerosmith but please get that pink hat shit out of our park.

    • Wabbitt
      July 13, 2015 at 11:57 pm

      It’s not considered bandwagoning when you boo Napoli as his average plummets further and further below the Mendoza Line. That’s called expecting millionaires to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs.

      I will always love and support the Red Sox. But with the way they’ve been playing – I don’t like them very much.

  • Wabbitt
    July 11, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    From one angry bald man to another – I salute you.

  • Married to a dumbass
    July 11, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    That devastatingly handsome bald man sure is a big red sox fan.

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