I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Fenway Park is the weakest crowd in MLB. Last night the Boston Red Sox were engaged in one of the most meaningful games they’ve had against the New York Yankees in years. The Sox were losing 5-1 going into the bottom of the eighth. And since this was such a big game (if they win they were within a manageable 4.5 games) you would assume real Red Sox fans wouldn’t be too happy about it.
But this is Fenway Park, and 95% of the people there don’t really give a shit who wins. They’re there for one reason and on reason alone – to sing Sweet fucking Caroline. The worst song ever made in the history of the world. Anyone who has ever sung this God forsaken song at a game the Red Sox are losing is a fraud. During this terrible song about Neil Diamond’s strange infatuation with a young girl, the fans chant how they feel “so good, so good!!” But what the fuck is there to feel good about if you’re about to go move 6.5 games out of first place and you just lost Clay Buccholz to his annual season ending injury?
Oh yea, nothing. That’s why I have all the respect in the world for this guy behind home plate last night who booed it relentlessly:
He’s right. That song sucks. If you’re at the Red Sox game and they’re losing, and a bunch of idiots stand up with their girlfriends and sway to this song, it is your duty as a Red Sox fan to boo them. Anything else is unacceptable. If you do this at a Red Sox game, send us the video and we will put it on the blog and immortalize you.
And I’ll tell you one thing I’m sure of – whoever made that video definitely wasn’t sitting in their real seats. No way. Those seats are for the wine and cheese crowd. It’s for suits who are there because they have the money and it’s something to do. Total status move. The real fans are stuck behind load-bearing poles in the grandstands, angled towards center field in a seat that was made before transfat was invented.
I’m 99% sure I figured out who this guy was too – an agitating bald man. First let’s examine the scene with one out in the 9th inning. Notice the white-haired guy in the red shirt who is sitting in the aisle seat, second row behind the catcher on the right. You will notice that he did not watch a single pitch of this critical at bat of this critical game. As a matter of fact, he spent most of the game talking to his buddy across the aisle, who equally gave no fucks, as they were discussing where they were going to eat brunch in Nantucket on Sunday:
But then you will see that some hooligan from the nosebleeds, who is clearly wearing an outfit that his mother bought for him at Maurice the Pantsman in 1998, moseyed his ass down to the seats where he will be very out of place:
He was evidently very nervous, and attempted to hide himself behind Nantucket man, as he must’ve known he was on TV and feared John Henry was going to spot him:
Clearly he is coordinating with one of his hooligan friends on the phone, talking about ways in which he can offend those around him. This MUST be the guy who booed Sweet Caroline. But you can tell he actually gave a fuck about the game, because unlike the rube in front of him, he actually watched every pitch:
This man, who is clearly some sort of union hack or landscaper, as can be seen from the champion brand t-shirt, couldn’t have made it more obvious that he was thrilled to be sitting in a seat where he never imagined himself sitting in when he started waving at his goon friends back in Billericca:
Come on man, act like you’ve been there before.
Anyway, right before Mike Napoli grounded out into a fielder’s choice, Nantucket man realized he didn’t wanna deal with a crowd while leaving the park, so he took one final look at the game before deciding to get the fuck out of there:
Naturally then, our hooligan friend saw an opportunity and moved down to the front. This right here is the face of a man who just accomplished a feat he never thought was possible:
Then of course he started acting nervous again and began to bother the strange women around him.
“I swear these are my real seats. I just got here now because I was busy signing some paperwork for the big merger. Wanna go to Sissy Kay’s after this?”
You can tell this guy was in the wrong section, because he was the only one who seem to gave a shit after Shane Victorino struck out to end the game, by standing up and throwing his arms up in disgust:
Thank you agitated bald man. You are a fan among frauds. I wish we had 37,000 fans just like you at the game, who aren’t afraid to boo Sweet Caroline, schmooze with strange women, and yell at Shane Victorino for being such an abysmal failure.