Social Justice Warriors

Ahmed “Clock Boy” Mohammad Is Suing For $15 Million With His Hilarious Lawyers Because This Was Always About Money

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We’ve said it from the minute we figured this story out – Ahmed “Clock Boy” Mohammad is a huge fraud and a liar. He’s a shitbag little kid who gets in trouble in school all the time for making inventions that are purposely designed to fuck with teachers. And his father wanted to use him in his never-ending quest to show the world how “Islamophobic” everyone in Texas is. But the kid never built a clock. He just took a real clock, pulled the wires out, tossed them in a briefcase, and tried to scare the shit out of his high school teachers. Because when he did this shit in middle school everyone thought it was hilarious. Why wouldn’t his high school teachers?


Anyway, the kid ended up getting arrested, not because anyone thought it was really a bomb, but because the kid did the whole thing as a hoax. Because in America, orchestrated bomb hoaxes aren’t funny. But Obama fell for it, because Obama has a tendency to always fall for some bullshit. Not Turtleboy though. We saw right through it because we are obsessed with the truth.


Since then Clock Boy’s family met up with a totalitarian genocidal dictator in Sudan for a photo op:


Before moving to the ultra tolerant country of Qatar, where they will live happily ever after, so long as none of them turn out to be gay or adulterers. In that case they will be stoned to death. Oh yea, and if you live in Qatar, you get free North Korean slaves. Because for some reason slavery is still a thing in Qatar!!!

Well the Dallas Morning News announced today that Clock Boy is back!! Apparently the family sent a letter to DMN blogger Avi Selk, demanding a written apology from Mayor Beth Van Duyne and Police Chief Larry Boyd.

Oh yea, he also demands $15 million. Because as we knew, this was all just about money the whole time. Why go for $1 or $2 million when you can just go all Dr. Evil and make it $15 million?


No big deal. Just Clock Boy doing Clock Boy things. We told you that this kid was full of shit from the beginning. It’s not even an opinion any more at this point. It’s a scientific fact. These people played you America. They wanted you to think their kid was the victim of Islamophobia, and it worked because they’re from Texas. This is a state that ISIS threatened to shoot up because Pamela Geller held a “draw Mohammad” contest at an art museum there. Texas isn’t exactly known for its obsession with PC after all.

And everyone ate that shit up. How does it taste to be that wrong?

You can read the whole letter from the lawyer here. It’s long, so we’ll just give you some parts of the letter that prove how right Turtleboy was:

“Let’s face it; if Ahmed’s clock were ‘Jennifer’s clock,’ and if the pencil case were ruby red bedazzled with a clear rhinestone skull and crossbones on the cover, this would never have happened.”

Ya see what they did there? They set this whole thing up for a huge payday. If Jennifer had brought a bomb-looking clock into school and was arrested for it, she’d never be able to play the “racial profiling charge.” Because it’s hard to find a reason to sue for discrimination when you’re white. But if your name is Ahmed Mohammad and you build bomb-looking clocks for a living, you’re pretty much sitting on a gold mine. They would’ve been crazy NOT to come up with this scam.


After a teacher confiscated the homemade clock and the principal led Ahmed to a room full of police officers, the boy asked to see his parents. The letter claims he was told, “No. You’re being interrogated, so you cannot talk to your parents.” And it claims this was illegal.

Translation – Clock Boy needed to check in with Dad to make sure he didn’t screw up the plan. There’s a lot riding on this lawsuit and he wanted to make sure he was saying all the right things so that he could become the face of Islamophobia and set them up for a nice pay day.

“City and school personnel commented later to the press that Ahmed was not forthcoming during the inquisition. It seems not to have dawned on any of them that he was scared to death. ”

Ironically, the whole purpose of bringing a fake bomb to school was to scare his teachers to death. But please, tell me more about how he lied and wasn’t forthcoming to investigators was everyone else’s fault except for Clock Boy’s.


After the arrest, family claims, officials tried to cover their mistakes: first by suspending the boy for no reason, and then by misleading the media as the story made its way around the world.

Oh yea, it was the SCHOOL that misled everyone. I remember Mark Zuckerberg and Obama inviting the principal over for some cheese and crackers when this story first came out. Oh wait, it was the other way around. But seriously, how dare the school try to explain itself when they become the most vilified people in America the second Clock Boy’s family made this story front page news.

The only thing more hilarious than this lawsuit is the law firm that Clock Boy’s family has hired. If you want a good laugh, check out Laney and Bollinger’s website. You can tell these two guys are NOT messing around:

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I swear to God, this is how they present themselves on their website. This is who Clock Boy’s family hired to sue the city of Irving for $15 million.

And you know they mean business because they’re using Comic Sans font on their website:

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You know who uses Comic Sans font on a professional website? A Goddamn blue-blooded cowboy maverick, that’s who!!

We were hoping to find some previous clients this firm had represented. If you’re taking on a case this high profile usually it means you’ve got some credentials. Hector Pineiro would’ve had the city of Irving doing pushups while he wiped his ass with $100 bills by now. But with these two characters you can’t seem to find much of anything. Guess who gave them their only review online?

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Mark Laney. Ya got that? Mark Laney reviewed his own partner and gave him five out of five stars. Sounds legit.

Come on Clock Boy, act like you’ve been there before. You could pretty much get anyone to do this case pro-bono for the fame and guaranteed settlement money alone. But instead you chose two guys who dress up like cowboys and use Comic Sans font on their website. Clock Boy is the gift who keeps on giving for Turtleboy. An endless supply of material who keeps proving how right we were every time his stupid family makes another appearance.

P.S. Clock Boy is soooooo gonna be on this year’s naughty list, coming out soon.


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16 Comment(s)
  • ItsAllABadDream
    November 24, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    Definitely Political Correctness gone wild. I need to find a grievance group to join so I can set myself up for a cozy nest egg. Unfortunately I’m white, mid 40’s, male, Christian, employed, taxpayer, in the 2%. I’m totally screwed. Hey wait! That’s my grievance! Everyone hates me! Gotta go call Laney & Bollinger! Cha-Ching!!

  • Publius
    November 24, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Hopefully if we get a clock boy out here, even in wacky Cambridge, the administration and police do there jobs. Police correctness kills. Killed on September 11 and continues to kill until we learn. Even the normally wimpy French finally learned.

  • John Battey
    November 24, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Now that he’s making a ransom/extortion demand, we know for sure he was a terrorist all along.

  • Nanny
    November 24, 2015 at 7:48 am

    I must admit that clockboy as scumbag steve made me laugh. Perfect meme usage. TB’s meme-fu is strong.

  • Steven Stover
    November 24, 2015 at 3:42 am

    I bet Jim McGovernment the shitty congressman thinks this kid is a hero.

  • Jafreese
    November 23, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    Guarantee the move to Qatar was planned way before the clock incident.

  • Del Griffith
    November 23, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    Why is the device still called a “clock”? It was actually a timer which only counted backwards. Nothing suspicious about that you racists.

  • Wtf
    November 23, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    This story takes the PC cake:

    This is the most nonsensical PC crap ever

  • JoeMomma
    November 23, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    The lawyers will have a pretty big problem considering “Exhibit A” the clock, looks just like a bomb.

    November 23, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    how stupid have we become america? this young man is a product of islam who seek to destroy us at any cost. beware os muslims bearing guifts they are here to dismantle us.

  • Iwan Freestuff II
    November 23, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    The “I demand” mentality is running rampant. You have the idiots at the various colleges demanding (and getting) presidents to bow to them and now these guys demanding cash and an apology. Somehow white male privilege will be brought into the brouhaha since it is the flavor of the moment!

  • swol
    November 23, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    scratch that, it’s $15 million but the doc you linked to doesn’t include a third demand

    WHAT, 15 MIL!

  • swol
    November 23, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    It looks like they are actually demanding 5 million dollars?

  • Thornton Melon
    November 23, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    The weirdest thing about the whole situation is that when I heard the story, I did not know it was a Muslim kid or that it occurred in Texas. All I heard was, kid brings what looks like a bomb to school and gets arrested. Immediately I thought of Virginia Tech and Columbine and thought, ‘Thank god they did something before it turned into another National tragedy.’ But then all of the sudden I am supposed to feel differently when I hear that the kid is Islamic.

    When has color become the bane of all existence? When we lived in the ’90s we acted as though skin color didn’t matter. Hey, that was wrong apparently, but we sure all got along a lot better back then.

  • Jae
    November 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Here’s hoping the judges are already laughing.

    • Ted
      November 23, 2015 at 6:19 pm

      The kid and his father and even the pond scum plant life of a lawyer are one thing, But the the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES went along with this too! NO He wasn’t duped, he SUBSCRIBES to this BS.

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