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All-Pro Cleveland Browns’ OL Joe Thomas Took A Steamy Dump On Roger Goodell And Defended Tom Brady Like A Champ

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Every day it becomes more and more obvious that Tom Brady is the biggest victim in the history of mankind. You can tell this simply by looking around the league and listening as player after player from teams that are NOT the New England Patriots, rush to Brady’s defense. Today’s player is the best offensive lineman in the NFL, Joe Thomas of the Cleveland Browns. Here’s what he told ESPNIt is the most eloquent and brilliant defense of TB12 I’ve ever read. His thoughts are in italics and Turtleboy’s commentary follows in bold:

“I would equate what [Tom Brady] did to driving 66 [mph] in a 65 speed zone, and getting the death penalty,” Thomas said Sunday after the Cleveland Browns’ training camp practice.

Perfect analogy. No one gives a shit about someone driving 66 in a 65. And no one gives a shit about deflated balls. 

The Pro Bowl left tackle said Brady does not even deserve to be fined, but added that what Goodell is doing is “brilliant.”

“I’m not sure if he realizes what he’s doing is brilliant, but what he’s doing is brilliant because he’s made the NFL relevant 365 [days] by having these outrageous, ridiculous witch hunts,” Thomas said. “It’s made the game more popular than ever and it’s become so much more of an entertainment business and it’s making so much money.

“That’s why I’m sure there’s plenty of people saying this is embarrassing for the league. But it’s an entertainment business when it comes right down to it. When the game gets eyeballs in newspapers and on TV, that’s what in the end is the goal for everyone. And that’s what this controversy is giving them.”

Bin-Go. We’ve been saying that since day one every time a butthurt Patriot hater like Mike Felger, “why would the NFL wanna go after their star player?” It’s simple really – for the drama. The more we’re talking about deflated balls the less we’re talking about Roger Goodell turning the league into a stable for domestic abusers. 

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Thomas touched on many elements of the deflated football saga and ruling, and on the authority of Goodell. He called Goodell’s decision “completely ridiculous” because the league allows quarterbacks to go to great lengths to make game footballs the way they want them.

“If you want [quarterbacks] to play with a brand new football that comes out of the box, then make that the rule,” Thomas said. “If you’re going to allow them to break it in because you want more passing yards, then let them do whatever they want.

“Who cares if they throw a football that has no air pressure? What does it matter? Why don’t we let the quarterbacks do whatever they want to the football? I don’t understand why there’s any rules.”

Thomas called the minimum pressures for footballs “arbitrary.”

“We know [quarterbacks] already doctor [footballs] 99 percent, why do we care about the 1 percent in the air pressure?” Thomas said. “Why does that matter? Nobody’s even explained why that even matters.”

They haven’t explained why it matters, because everyone knows that it doesn’t matter. No normal person out there ever thought about the PSI of a football before Bob Kravitz tried to get his kids to love him again by making this a national story. Aaron Rodgers has fully admitted that he fucks with the game balls before every game. But no one gives a shit because Aaron Rodgers has only won one Super Bowl. When you win 4 Super Bowls, all of a sudden people care about PSI. 

Thomas acknowledged that the collective bargaining agreement gives Goodell disciplinary power in many matters.

“But it was probably an oversight by the players because they didn’t expect him to act so unreasonably because his predecessor did not act unreasonably,” Thomas said. “But I think we’re talking about a different NFL now. Like I said, before it was more about the game. Now it’s such an entertainment business. It’s almost like the Kim Kardashian factor that any news is good news when you’re in the NFL.”

Thomas added that Goodell tries to act “like he’s the Supreme Court justices … coming out with this fair outcome.” But he said Goodell more often than not wields a “super hard hammer,” citing the initial penalties for the New Orleans Saints for the alleged bounty scandal.

DENVER, CO - DECEMBER 23:  Tackle Joe Thomas #73 of the Cleveland Browns blocks during a game against the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on December 23, 2012 in Denver, Colorado. The Broncos defeated the Browns 34-12. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

DENVER, CO – DECEMBER 23: Tackle Joe Thomas #73 of the Cleveland Browns blocks during a game against the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on December 23, 2012 in Denver, Colorado. The Broncos defeated the Browns 34-12. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

“If he even thinks somebody is sort of guilty of some level of crime, they just try to destroy him,” Thomas said.

In the past, Thomas said, the commissioner would address issues with the teams involved.

Preach brother Joe!! You know what sucks? This guy is obviously so smart, and so good at football, that it’s almost criminal that he’s had to play his entire career in Cleveland. It’s like the world’s greatest stripper working at Sweaty Betty’s. Such a waste of talent.  

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Then he became the first NFL player to publicly use the “S” word and call this whole shitshow exactly what it was:

“They wouldn’t set up a sting operation and try to get [a player] suspended for four games,” he said.

“Until there’s information that says otherwise, to me it looked like a sting operation,” Thomas said, referring to how the balls were measured and handled during the AFC Championship Game between the Patriots and Colts.

A “sting.” That’s EXACTLY what this whole thing was. It was a huge setup, designed to catch the Patriots. It was the only game in which air pressure has EVER been tested. We know that they were specifically setting the Patriots up because the Colts admitted that they tipped off the league and knew the balls would be tested going into the game. If one team knows the balls are being tested and the other doesn’t, that’s the definition of a sting. Add onto that the fact EGREGIOUS fact that the Patriots had all their balls tested with different gauges, while the Colts had only FOUR of their balls tested, and you have one of the worst setups of all time.  

Thomas applauded Brady for fighting the suspension in federal court.

“I’m glad that he’s fighting [it],” Thomas said. “Because it’s good for the game. It’s an entertainment business. It’s turning into the WWE really. It’s like the Vince McMahon stuff. Basically Goodell is like Vince McMahon.”

Boom. Roasted. The difference Vince McMahon and Roger Goodell is Vince McMahon has a personality. That and the fact that football is supposed to be real. And in the real world, everyone knows that PSI doesn’t matter and this is all just a giant set up. Time to free Tom Brady, and get yourself a Free TB or Je Suis TB shirt:

Free Tom Brady

Click the picture to buy your Free Tom Brady/Turtleboy or Je Suis Tom Brady/Turtleboy t-shirts.

Turtleboy Sports bumper stickers

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