Ambiguously Gay Miami Fan Daniel Tosh: Patriots Cheated

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Some people love Daniel Tosh. I’ve never been one of them. He takes Youtube videos that are already funny and says things about them that one of his many joke writers told him to say. That’s it. So obviously when I heard that he went on some rant about how the Patriots are gigantic cheaters I had to see for myself just how stupid this dooshnozzle could be.

Newsflash  Daniel Tosh – no one gives a shit what your ambiguously gay Miami ass thinks about sports. No one in Miami’s history has ever, ever given a shit about sports. According to numbnuts Mcgee the Patriots will be remembered for, 1) the tuck rule, 2) spygate, and 3) deflategate. Here’s why all three of those are dumb.

1. The tuck rule is a stupid rule. That probably should’ve been a fumble. But it wasn’t a fumble. Because it’s in the rule book. End of story. You wanna talk about cheating in that game though? Jerry Rice had 4 receptions in the middle of a snow storm for the Raiders. How’d he do that? Oh yea, because he wore stickum on his hands his entire NFL career, which is illegal. He’ll be the first one to tell you that he cheated. So yes, the Patriots did overcome the elements and the cheating Raiders to win that game fairly.


2. Spygate was and always will be a joke. The Patriots never were in trouble for filming another teams practices illegally. They got in trouble for taping the other team’s sideline. Something that fans can easily do in EVERY single NFL game now because everyone has an iMachine in their pockets. This is like walking down the street naked and complaining that people can see your hoo-hoo. It also made no difference at all since all the Patriots have done since “spygate” is win football games.

3. Deflategate. Patriots haters gotta give this one up. It’s just embarassing at this point. At least with spygate the Patriots were given Singapore style justice. With deflategate it’s going to be the exact opposite. Not only should we be getting a full apology for a fabricated conspiracy meant to defame us, but we should also be awarded the Ravens AND Colts first round draft picks for orchestrating the whole sham.

Not one, single Patriots Super Bowl has ever been tainted by cheating. Just because you call it cheating, doesn’t mean it’s actually cheating. That’s what these yahoos are all about. They say it so many times that it becomes fact to them.

Then he threw this gem in there:

If you believe that Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time then you deserve to get butt fucked by Aaron Hernandez in prison.”

It’s funny because he said “butt fucked” right? Cliche jokes about anal sex are all the rage on Tosh.O. He’s totally not a self-hating gay man or anything. What’s hilarious is he actually believes that Brady isn’t the greatest ever and this is his argument:

Brady had one good year of lobbing it up to Randy Moss, and every other season he’s been a game manager. He’s Trent Dilfer with hair plugs.”

Right. Sure thing Danny Boy. The problem is anyone with the ability to use Google can show you that you have no fucking clue what your’e talking about. Here are the facts:


  • I realize they played in different eras, and that Brady plays in a league where throwing is more common. That’s why he’s had 7,168 pass attempts and Montana had 5,391. Yet they have basically the same amount of interceptions. So in a nutshell, Joe Montana fucked up at a much higher rate than Brady despite playing in a league where it was harder to fuck up in.
  • Montana never lost less than 10 games in a season, while Brady has only had that happen once (2002). Yet Brady has made 9 conference championships and Montana only made 7.
  • Montana once lost a playoff game 49-3. Ya got that? The “greatest ever” lost a playoff game by 46 points. That has never and would never happen to a team quarterbacked by Tom Brady.
  • Montana sucked so bad by the time he was Brady’s age that they shipped his ass off to Kansas City, played his backup, and won another Super Bowl without him. Brady continues to dominate and his backup will get the job whenever he chooses to retire. Montana was forced out of his job.
  • In 2010 Brady threw 36 TD’s with only 4 INTs without Randy Moss. Since then he’s averaged 34 TD’s and 10 INT’s per season, which are better stats than Montana ever put up in a single NFL season.
  • Meanwhile, Peyton Manning…..actually never mind, that’s no longer even worthy of being debated.

The bottom line is there’s no way Daniel Tosh watches sports. Because self-respecting, God-fearing, America-loving, football watching man would ever wear an outfit like this:

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Shut up Daniel Tosh.

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16 Comment(s)
  • Actual Proof
    January 19, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    “Montana never lost less than 10 games in a season…?
    Um you don’t go to the playoffs if you lose 10 games.
    Where do you get YOUR facts?

  • Egg McMullin
    February 23, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    You do realize the smoldering irony here, right? Your blog is entirely based on hyerbole and taking things far for the purpose of entertainment. To anyone with half a brain, its clear you dont actually think all people from Buffalo/St. Bonnies are vile repugnant creatures, all visitors to the Big E are disgusting redneck pieces of trash, or whomever else youve insulted. Surely then you get that Tosh said everythiing he did to be funny, to create a stir, and to get reactions out of people who take sports and/or themselves too seriously. You always rip on others for getting too butthurt and yet this entire post is a perfect resemblance of everything you bash. However now that it relates to you and hits close to home, you’re allowed to get butthurt?

    The hypocrisy here is abundant, and it’s pathetic.

  • Naqi
    February 20, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    “Montana never lost less than 10 games in a season”

    That must be a typo right?

  • Read between the lines....
    February 20, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    … and all 1500 of her followers banged his sister as well

  • Got Nukes
    February 20, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    What would anybody from Miami know about professional football?

    • Yes
      February 20, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Just like the Pats they would know about going undefeated- Oh wait! Fucking Eli Manning.

  • Mitichell Friedman
    February 20, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Hows the job search going, turtleboy?!

    • Bills Mafia
      February 20, 2015 at 8:02 pm

      You realize there is no Turtleboy right? That’s the whole point of the blog.

      • Yes
        February 20, 2015 at 8:56 pm

        No there’s definitely a person who does more for this site than anyone else who poses under the name turtleboy. But keep defending him, he sure needs it! Fuckin loser.

  • One Tall Dude
    February 20, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    Daniel Tosh should get original jokes like “that guy’s gay” and “look at his gay shirt.”

  • Bumper Wolfthorn
    February 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Hey, Yes..I banged your mom. It was magical. She mooed like a cow…

  • Yes
    February 20, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Daniel Tosh is so much funnier and cooler than you could ever hope to be. But hey, you’ve got almost 1500 followers on twitter- you’re almost up to as many as my 16 year old sister!


    • Neil
      February 20, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      I like how your measurement of cool is how many twitter followers someone has. You are pretty much every single thing that is wrong with people.

      • Yes
        February 20, 2015 at 3:57 pm

        Where did I say anything about Twitter making you cool? I said Daniel Tosh is cooler than Turtleboy, I never alluded to Tosh’s twitter followers. The insults were separate and independent of on another. Turtleboy, as the principal of this blog, is inherently a public figure in the entertainment industry, and his medium of publicity is the internet, only. In today’s world, an internet entertainer is absolutely measured by his reach- this includes readership, advertising (not including local Worcester lawyers and handymen ads, that’s poverty ads from friends, but that’s a whole other thing I wont get into right now), and social media presence- including, but certainly not limited to, Twitter- are the precise, tangible measures of how much success, or lack thereof, an internet entertainer such as Turtleboy possesses.

        Get it now, idiot? It’s your lack of ability to infer and read between the lines- in other words, seemingly a lack of general intelligence and/or education- THAT is what’s wrong with people.

        Have fun being stupid, but ignorance is bliss, right? You’re probably too stupid to know you’re stupid, so at least it wont bother you!

        • Bills Mafia
          February 20, 2015 at 8:01 pm

          You click on the Turtleboy Sports articles every day and comment on them. Turtleboy won this battle of wits a long, long time ago.

          • Yes
            February 20, 2015 at 8:53 pm

            And you’re a Bills fan which means you’re a) from Buffalo, which is almost as bad as being from Worcester and b) root for the Bills, which is as hopeless as, well anything.

            Who says I’m not a friend of TB just fucking with him? There’s nothing here to win. Just morons like you who feed into me, which I feed off of. But you really showed me!

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