Angry Marine Is Demanding Turtleboy Sports Stop Blogging Because You Can’t Say Mean Things About The Big E

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Pretty much every day I get hate mail from some genius who detests our blog so much that he or she has to read it and comment on it. Sure these Pultizer Prize nominees could just NOT read the blog that apparently angers them to no end, but that would just make way too much sense now wouldn’t it? I don’t know if I’ve seen this level of hate though, from a guy who goes by “Tom Peterson”:

Just when I thought I had met every low life scumbag, then someone like you comes along.
Your disgusting commentary on the Big E, a vulgar and filth ridden account about a sociopath visiting one of the largest true fairs in the country. However I notice that the Big E attracted a huge attendance record of 1,498,605 just this year. So lets compare some numbers.
Almost 1.5 million people like the Big E so much that they went to the Big E, in just a few days.
Your blog on Facebook, that runs daily since 12/ 2013 has amassed an amazing 3,000 ‘Likes’
So 1.5 million people like the Big E, just over a course of a few days. Your total fan base in a year, is equal to the amount of people that enter the Big E in 12 minutes.
Well,, I’m sure the Big E considers you a huge threat. Your blog managed to reach about the number of people who were taking a dump in the toilet over the course of about 8 minutes.
From your tone, vulgarity and self centered egomaniacal waste of words, I picture you to be a 40 year old unemployed guy, who is missing 3 or more teeth, never worked a day in your life, takes a shower semi-annually and still lives in your mothers basement. I bet your mommy still does your laundry for you.
Then to my shock, I see you are married. To a woman you describe as “a rock”. I agree, a rock is probably the best you could do. I cannot imagine any real, intelligent, self confident woman putting up with a wasted amount of protoplasm as you. You are the reason birth control was meant to prevent. But you slipped through. My only thought is that your mommy drank too much, or did to many drugs, or was recovering from your father beating her, that resulted in her passing the products of conception that became you.
Now on your attack, you personally photographed many people. You spewed vulgar self righteous comments about everything that is wrong about the Big E that day. You posted about 20 photos of all the things wrong, and how upsetting it was for you. But you really wasted so much time. If you really wanted to photo document the worst thing at the Big E, could have been done by posting just one ‘Selfie’ .
I notice, while you attack all others, you hide. No photo of you. Never mention your real name. You hide, so you can proclaim this theology of ego oriented opinions, but never say what or who you are. You, my friend hide. So you can ridicule others, but not you. You are a coward.
Then you went on, you attacked more. You posted and ridiculed people using their actual names, and emails of anyone who criticized you. You copied their facebook photos. You posted real names, intimidating people from posting any criticism of the gospel according to you. Again, hiding.
Your posting of real names, actual photos, and your filth ridden comments are unforgivable, unjust, libelous, slander. You attack others, you violate them, you intimidate them; but you hide. Do you still have a blankie to hold when you are scared?
I can say this to you. I am a USMC that fought for your rite to free speech. I did my time for this country. Did you?
In my service to my country, my only regret is that I protected your rite. You are the poster child of a disgusting arrogant leach on America. I’m willing to bet you are on some ‘entitlement’ program, so you sit back in mommies basement, and never amount to anything your whole life.
Take those posts that identify persons, names, and facebook photos down. Now.
I will protect their rites. Those rites that you have so intentionally and purposely violated.
Take these down now.
You cannot hide forever.
I am a man who has deep respect for my fellow citizens. I have never said anything like this before. I hope, with all my thoughts, that you get treated as you treat others. I hope pain and suffering comes to you, and your family. I hope you watch, as your family suffers the pain of illness or injury. You are a disgusting leach. May your life be void of happiness, may you only feel pain, until such time that you change your values; and treat others, as you wish to be treated.


Holy. Shit. That is an epic Turtleboy Sports rant right there. Where do I start with this guy? Let’s begin with the numbers.

So 1.5 million people went to the Big E and only 3,550 people like my Facebook page. Well, that settles that then. Newsflash – that’s the whole point of the blog numb nuts. America is filled with millions of fat bastards who always fall for some bullshit, like the Big E, and weddings. We exist to satirize the stupidity of events like this.

And let me get this straight. You have no problem telling me that you hope “pain and suffering come to me and my family,” but you draw the line at vulgarity? Because that makes tons of sense. But yea, it’s really weird that I would wanna remain anonymous when I have mentally stable people like this Marine who want to watch my family burn at the stake while he eats popcorn and watches in joy. Why WOULDN’T I want this guy knowing my address?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We have over a dozen writers at Turtleboy Sports. Turtleboy is not a lone individual. He represents groups of normal, sane people who want their country back from the psychopaths who win arguments by yelling louder than everyone else.


Now I obviously have a lot of respect for the Marines. But this guy? If this guy is really a Marine I will gladly feed him to ISIS myself. Newsflash – one of the “rites” that you fought for me to have is the “rite” to free speech. I don’t like the Big E. So I wrote about how much I hated it by using pictures I took while I was there. Believe it or not you are allowed to do this in America.

And where did this Marine do his freedom fighting? I’d love to know. Because I’m assuming it was in a country where women get stoned to death for having an opinion. Ya see, that’s what makes America better than those countries. We’re allowed to express our opinions and tell each other to fuck off. Don’t like my blog? Cool. Tell me to fuck off. But this? This is just a bad look bro. You’re spending all this time and expending all this effort. And for what? You think I’m gonna stop writing because some terrorist like you can’t stomach my Big E takes? LOL. You must be new here.

You gotta love how this guy thinks he’s fucking Batman too:

Take those posts that identify persons, names, and facebook photos down. Now.
I will protect their rites. Those rites that you have so intentionally and purposely violated.
Take these down now.

Wait, when am I supposed to take this post down? Now? OK I’ll get right on that. Clearly you have the authority to dictate what can and cannot go on Turtleboy Sports. And I’m curious what Facebook pictures he’s talking about. Guess what genius? I took all those pics myself at the Big E. The Big E is a public spectacle. Sometimes when you’re at a fair with 1.5 million people you get your picture taken.

But yea, Tom Peterson here is the hero that Worcester never asked for. He will protect your “rite” not to have a picture of your favorite llama posted on a blog. If this man isn’t a God damn American hero then I don’t know who is.


Then he posted this gem:

Here it is in his own words ” We could communicate via email, but I don’t do phone. Turtleboy’s identity must always remain a secret. My email ishottakes@yahoo.comTo file a complaint on his site go to


Oh. My. God. Please make it stop. It’s just so painful to watch this guy try to put the puzzle together. Hey genius – my email is in every single blog I write. It’s on the right hand side and it’s one of the first things you see. You didn’t exactly crack the case by finding some comment I wrote in the About section. And I clicked on the link he put urging you all to report me. This is what I found:

Screen Shot 2014-10-01 at 8.23.47 PM

Wait, you mean you’re ALLOWED to write a blog about what you didn’t like about the Big E? But, but, but, but, but…it’s the BIG E!!!! You can’t say mean things about the BIG E!!! Obviously the founding fathers came up with the first amendment BEFORE the Big E was founded. No way they would’ve put that in there if the Big E existed back then. Because in America you simply ARE NOT allowed to write things that other people disagree with. Ever.


He wasn’t done:

This little man with a speech impediment hides himself. Like the turtle he calls himself, he posts the name, email address and photo of anyone who dare criticize him. Yet he will not confront someone head on, face to face. That is how he intimidates people. Say something bad, he slams you, post’s all your info. But he does not play fair. He hides, like a scared little man that he is. Afraid to speak because we will tease him about his lisp. He even says it “but I don’t do phone. Turtleboy’s identity must always remain a secret. If you’re OK with that I’d be willing to talk. My email
That is his email.
Send him a note, lets get him to meet us. Face to Face. He is willing to dish it out, but he can’t take it.
WEEI has already given you the boot. kicked him off once. If you agree he is disgusting, please come and lick my asshole.
So if you’re so tough, you’re so powerful, come out from behind your mommy.
Your insults, posting information on others have hurt them deeply.
Take down this post. Remove personal information and stolen photo’s.
We got a lot of information already.


Where do these people get the time? I mean, I’ve read shit on the internet before that I can’t stand. You know what I do? Leave a comment and never come back. You know what I don’t do? Spend all my free time vainly trying to get them kicked off the internet. Because it’s a giant fucking waste of my time.

Ya see the internet is a magical place where people say whatever they wanna say. I could google the nastiest, most offensive shit possible and find 100,000 articles on how awesome that nasty, offensive shit is. But I don’t. Because I don’t have the time to go around looking for blogs that offend me and leading a crusade to have them taken off the interwebs.


A commenter came up with this idea Tom Peterson. I challenge you to a turtle ride off at the Big E. I will meet you at the corn dog stand next to the fountain machine with a live hornets nest and we will see who can REALLY ride the turtle.

I’m glad to hear that you have “got a lot of information already” too. Like my email address. You got that one figured out nicely. And you know my address dude. Downtown Worcester. All day, every day.

Finally when I didn’t respond to his world famous comments he decided to send me a cease and desist to my email:


Oh shit!!! Worcester Police on the case!!! Sure the Worcester Police are very busy dealing with a heroin epidemic and policing New England’s second largest city. But none of that matters anymore. Everything literally has to stop because this guy didn’t like our opinion about the Big fucking E!!! This is pretty much the most egregious crime that has ever been committed. Murder whoever you want. Rob, steal, rape, whatever. Just don’t you DARE satirize the Big E!!!

Plus, everyone knows the Worcester Police always investigates blogs that took place in West Springfield. The best part is that the blog he is referencing literally referenced no one by name. Well, unless your name is Fried Dough.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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15 Comment(s)
  • nw
    October 2, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Appreciate the technique! Social media not cutting the mustard? Ketchup with a blog!
    Re-purposing toy story from moron to butthurt who would of thought. Genius, pure genius! Woka..woka! This guy’s voicing his opinion did he go to far? Hmm some people happen to get peeved off when they feel they been peeved on. You get the content out of the deal. Your (rebuttal) “If this guy is really a Marine I will gladly feed him to ISIS myself.” This is some funny shh…y?
    Try reading the terms of service. If you have any future problems try using another service or your own server to host. Making sure you retain the right of domain name for registration renewal would also be a good idea.

    • Wabbitt
      October 2, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Ok, what is the deal with these rambling messages about the layout of the blog? There’s probably 100 of them on the article about that Washington Post writer who blamed Seth Rogan for the Santa Barbara shooter. All rambling nonsense. All posted by someone with a different two letter user name. I mean, did that article (and now this one) hit some magical Google bullshit meter that attracts spam bots?

      • Finnish goalie
        October 2, 2014 at 2:46 pm

        They’ll need to look into it for sure. Those things will take over like a virus.

      • NW
        October 2, 2014 at 4:33 pm

        Wabbit good pass not the same two letter person or bot. After joining in on your opinion of the guys role in duty. I don’t blame the hand off.
        The terms of service talk about the owners obligation of the blog/site’s content even the visitors comments.
        I pointed it out and helped with a possible recovery of a potential fumble.

  • October 2, 2014 at 8:07 am

    still don’t get why everyone is up in arms over how the Big E is awful… I mean if you like deep fried butter, you do you, but I’ll never get it…

    • Finnish goalie
      October 2, 2014 at 8:51 am

      The deep fried oreo has been calling me like a siren for years, but I haven’t given in yet.

  • Bill
    October 2, 2014 at 8:01 am

    On to Cincinnati…

  • Elvis
    October 2, 2014 at 7:15 am

    Sorry, TB is right. The big E sucks

    • Finnish goalie
      October 2, 2014 at 7:27 am

      It’s not bad for one visit a year, which is all I do. Get there early, find cheap parking, grab a greasy lunch, drink some craft beers, listen to some free music and check on some vendors and farming presentations.

      I disagreed with his take, but I like the blog overall.

      Like TB has said, just leave if you don’t like what he writes (not to be confused with right, or rite).

      • Wabbitt
        October 2, 2014 at 11:41 am

        It’s just like with all the people who spent decades trying to get Howard Stern taken off the air. If you don’t like it – don’t listen. Change the station.

  • Finnish goalie
    October 2, 2014 at 6:38 am

    Right, it’s RIGHT to free speech!

    It isn’t part of a religious ceremony.

  • Woodiculous
    October 2, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Aside from “photo’s” and “rites,” I appreciated that Mr. peterson’s rant was literate and I could fully understand what he intended to say. I’d have to rate this TB critic the #1 critic.

  • someguy
    October 2, 2014 at 6:03 am

    I was in the shit..literally..fighting for your rites too. I fully support your blog, shit just gets better every day. Don’t listen to some POG Marine wanna be tough guy. Oh and believe me POs at WPD enjoy your blog very much 😉

  • Wabbitt
    October 2, 2014 at 3:10 am

    I’m telling you, there’s no way this supposed Marine was in the shit. He was probably some POG sitting at a desk collecting NAMs and getting regularly promoted because his cutting score was lower than the hopes and dreams of Raiders fans. Dodging IEDs while crazed Arab fundamentalists are shooting at you has a way of humbling a guy.

    This guy is an 1171 water dog, or I’ll eat my hat.

  • Bordel
    October 2, 2014 at 12:54 am

    Long live TurtleBoy!

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