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So yesterday the Detroit Lions’ Dominic Raiola set the bar for butthurtness when he whined about the New England Patriots running up the score when LeGarrette Blount ran the ball in from the one yard line in a game in which the Patriots led by 18. Wah, wah, wah. Business as usual when the Patriots are facializing inferior opponents. In yesterday’s Pittsburgh Post Gazette, a writer by the name of Ed Bouchette tried to outdo Raiola by writing something more ridiculous.
Eddy B’s beef this week was with the Blount man as well. If you’re not familiar with everyone’e favorite human bowling ball, Blount returned to the Patriots this week after literally quitting the Pittsburgh Steelers in a game they were winning by a lot, because his fat ass was on the bench. It was bitch move and if I was a Steelers fan I’d hate Blount man too.
That’s about where my outrage would stop. But the thing with the rest of the country is that they can’t accept the fact that we just steamroll them fair and square.
“Spygate!! WAAAAHHHH!!” “Belicheat!! WAAAHHHHHH!!” “Tuck rule!!! WAAAAHHHH!!”
That’s usually how the dialogue goes. Obviously these people are idiots because they’re completely ignoring the fact that the Patriots would’ve won in 2007 if David bleeping Tyree didn’t make the greatest Super Bowl catch of all time. Seriously, if THAT guy didn’t catch THAT pass then no one would ever even mention spygate. The conversation would be officially over. If the Patriots needed to cheat to win three Super Bowls then how come it took a miracle once in a lifetime catch to beat them Please, explain that one to me.
Anyhow, after these nimrods keep repeating this nonsense it officially becomes fact. It’s kind of like making up a story about sexual harassment to get page views. The more times you say it, the more “factual” it becomes. So whenever something good happens to the Patriots it can never be because we earned it. No, no, no. It’s all part of a vast Bill Belichick conspiracy to take over the world. Check out what this dingleberry said in the Post-Gazette:
Did LeGarrette Blount walk out on the Steelers so he could walk right back to the New England Patriots? There is no evidence that occurred, but the way the whole thing transpired can raise suspicions and speculation that it was planned. Without skipping a beat, Blount went from a team fighting to make the playoffs to one among the favorites to win it all, one where he had success last season and was used more often than he was with the Steelers.
Ed Bouchette? More like Ed Douchette, am I right? Let me get this straight Eddy B. You freely admit that you have NO evidence that suggests that Blount and Belichick planned on having him quit during the Titans game last weekend, and then immediately sign back with the Patriots. No evidence whatsoever. But nonetheless you’re “suspicious” and now you’re gonna write a whole article on it because you’re a dumbass and you have nothing else to write about during the Steelers bye week. Congratulations, you are officially an internet troll.
He wasn’t done though. Here are some more hot factual takes from the Post-Gazette’s resident dooshnozzle:
“Why wouldn’t there be suspicions that it was all planned? Although there are tampering rules that prohibit players of one team or their representatives from contacting other teams, that goes on all the time. Who is to know if someone’s agent calls someone on another team and says his halfback could easily get out of his contract with his team if the other would like to have him? No one would know except the agent and the other team’s rep.”
Oh snap, hot take alert!!! This guy’s a regular Sherlock fucking Holmes isn’t he? Sure, he readily admits that what he’s suggesting happened is completely illegal. No, he doesn’t have ANY evidence that it actually occurred. But he’s got a hunch, and damnet, that’s good enough to write a story and have it published in a major newspaper though right? I mean, it COULD have happened right? Therefore it did.
Sure LeGarette Blount cleared waivers because not a single NFL team put in a claim for him. Sure the only reason he even played this week was because Jonas Gray forgot to set his alarm clock. But facts are stupid and if you write for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette you shouldn’t let dumb things like facts get in the way of a speculative article filled with your insane ramblings. Obviously Belichick used ESP to tell Blount to quit during the middle of the Titans game. But before that he programmed Mike Tomlin’s brain so that he wouldn’t play Blount and thus he’d become a malcontent. Then he kidnapped the children of the GM’s of all the other 30 NFL teams and threatened to slit their throats if they picked up this glorious back up running back. The rest is history. THAT is exactly what happened.
Anyway the reason that idiots repeat same cliches about the Patriots being cheaters is obviously because they’re insanely jealous of us, and it’s fueled by ridiculous articles like this one. We are the chosen people and they hate us because they ain’t us. Just check out the first few comments from this moron’s blog. They literally are incapable of going five seconds without mentioning “spygate” or “cheating”:
I don’t know if Steelers fans understand this, but LeGarette Blount is not going to help us win anything. We just picked him up because Belichick wanted to prove a point to Jonas Gray. If you come late to meetings I will sign a fat malcontent and give him all your goal line touches. This wasn’t about cheating or trying to gain any type of competitive advanatage. It was about driving home the point to his own players that he will not be fucked with. Ever.
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