Anyone Worried About Patriots Losing Yesterday Is A Moron

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook


I said it all week while everyone was shitting their pants about the Baltimore Ravens – there was a 0.0% chance the New England Patriots were gonna lose to those degenerates at home in the playoffs. I don’t care about recent history or what happened two years ago. This isn’t the same Pats team from 2012 and it’s not even close to the same Ravens team. Sure the Patriots only won 35-31, but at no point in that game was I even remotely worried. Because we DESTROYED them yesterday, and if not for the refs it would’ve been a 39 point point massacre.

The Turtleboy crew went down to the Perfect Game to watch it because they offer a deal where you win $1,000 on the spot if you guess the correct score. I went with 27-13, which unfortunately lost within the first five minutes of kickoff. Oh yea, and they also offer you free food and some other stuff if you finish what they call a “Gronk challenge.” Basically you have to eat a 24oz burger topped with 8 slices of bacon, 7 pieces of kielbasa, ¼ pound of American cheese smothered with onion rings and served on French bread, served with a basket of fries in 30 minutes or less.

And this local Worcester boob ate TWO!!


I didn’t realize it was going on until I heard the crowd going nuts at halftime. Cheering someone on as they stuff a heartache sandwich down their gullet is basically the most American thing you can do. And it’s never the fat bastards that are good at it either. You may notice his strategy:


First he ate the first Gronk to clear room on the second plate. Then he took all the other odds and ends off the Gronk so he could focus on the sandwich at hand. Then he went and finished off the bun, fries, and toppings afterwards. Needless to say the post-game dump was probably epic.

Anyway, like I said the Patriots could’ve won that game by a million. The teams were slaughter. The Patriots were asleep for the first five minutes and then they decided to start trying. Then for whatever reason Tom Brady pulled a Tony Romo and threw one of the most idiotic un-Brady like interceptions you’ll ever see. No problem. All we have to do is stop Joe Flacco and we go into halftime all tied. Flacco has ONE move – throw it deep and hope for a flag. And it worked this time:

That might be the worst call I’ve ever seen. Ever. With the score tied 14-14 on second and ten this play basically gave the Ravens at least three points. Can someone please explain to me how this is a penalty? First you have Darelle Revis and Steve Smith Sr. going after the same ball.

darrelle revis, steve smith pass interference

As you can see Revis is playing texbook defense. His head is turned and he’s not initiating contact with Smith. Smith has his hand on Revis’ right titty, and then uses that to gain leverage by pushing off on Revis:


thus gaining separation and falling on his ass in a vain attempt to catch an uncatchable Flacco special:

worst call ever

The Ravens got a touchdown after and led 21-14. There are seven points the Ravens shouldn’t have gotten.

So then the Patriots got the ball at halftime and were about to stuff a quick score down the Ravens’ throat. Since there’s no possible way to stop Rob Gronkowski in single coverage C.J. Mosley’s only choice was to feel Gronk up like a cheap prom date:

Who the hell is this announcer who thinks that call was anything but a blatant pass interference?


You know it was a molestation if Gronk was complaining, since he complains just about never. It stopped an obvious first down and an inevitable touchdown, since the Ravens obviously can’t stop the pass. After that it was a punt, and then another Flacco special – a PI call on Browner – and the Ravens got the ball at the one, which set up another easy touchdown. If you’re counting at home, that’s 14 points the refs cost us.

Then with the score tied 28-28 in the third quarter this debacle happened:

LOL. What a joke. The same guy who pushed off Revis and got a PI call gets this ticky-tack little hold on a play in which Flacco had no time to throw the ball, fumbled, and gave the Patriots the ball on the one yard line. That obviously would’ve ended up as a Patriots touchdown, but instead ended up leading to a Baltimore field goal. If you’re counting at home the Patriots had 14 points taken away from them, and Baltimore was given 13. That’s a 27 point swing. Oh yea, and the Pats took a knee at the end of the game. They probably would’ve scored there too. So make that 34 points the Patriots actually earned that were taken away from them. LOL.


So for all the people who told me I am wrong for saying that these teams were slaughter, you just got boom roasted. Pats destroyed the Ravens in all facets of the game. They threw for 418 yards and four touchdowns. For all the idiots out there who still say dumb things like, “Patriots need a better running game,” this proves that you’re an idiot as well. We rushed for 14 yards yesterday and it didn’t matter at all. When you’re going against a team that can stop the run like Baltimore you just throw all over them. When you’re going against a team like Indy who can’t stop the run you go sign Jonas Gray from Walmart and run it down their throats. You don’t need a real running back in the NFL.

The bottom line is the Patriots could’ve won by 34 points and the only reason this was even remotely close was because the refs made it that way. It did make for better theater though, which is obviously in the NFL’s best interest. Can’t say I blame them in that regard.

Unfortunately when you try to take Gronk down it can sometimes result in a mouthful of Gronk ass

gronk ass in face

Couple more things:

  • I love Amendildo. I think he’s so underutilized and he showed us why last night with two touchdowns and a huge first down. Not easy touchdowns either. He somehow brushed off tacklers and manned his way into the end zone.
  • Josh McDaniels earned himself a head coaching job somewhere when he called that GENIUS Edelman to Amendola touchdown. IMHO his best choice is Atlanta, considering the tools he’d have at his disposal.


Screen Shot 2015-01-11 at 3.44.55 PM

  • What the hell happened at the end there? Why did the Patriots take a knee if they couldn’t run out the whole clock? Why did we give Flacco time to toss it deep and hope for a PI call? That’s his only move!! Very un-Belichick like not to have done the math out. All he had to do was run the ball instead of taking a knee and it would’ve been a non-issue.
  • We want the Cowboys. The Seahawks and Packers are the only teams in the NFL who can beat us. If they are eliminated by the Super Bowl then there’s no possible way we don’t have another duckboat parade.


Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook








1 Comment(s)
  • Finnish Goalie
    January 11, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Well, you’re not getting your wish. Packers on Seahawks. We await the expert analysis and re-evaluation.

Comment on this Post


Who Did A Better Job Of Cheating: Jason Kidd or Mike Tomlin?
Cleveland Browns Backup QB Is Best Kept Freak Show In NFL
Priceless Fan Reactions to Alabama-Auburn Game As BCS Fails Again In It’s Final Season