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We might have to start going through the obituaries more often, because I’ve seen some great stuff in there recently. But none of them tops this one right here. Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the obituary for Patricia Shong of Auburn, MA – the greatest person who has ever lived:
You might be asking yourself, “What’s so special about this Turtleboy?” Well, check out the second paragraph of the second half of the obituary:
Some of us go quietly into the night. But not Patricia Shong. She went down swinging, and I absolutely love her for it. Tom Brady is an innocent man. She mad it a priority to make sure that was included in her obituary. That was one of her dying thoughts, and I respect the hell out of her for it. She went to the grave knowing that Tom Brady was a persecuted man, and she defended his honor until the very end. Someday I will tell Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess about the greatest quarterback of all time, and the legions of butthurt losers who tried in vain to smear his legacy. But luckily for humanity the legend of Tom Brady lives on, thanks to the fine work of upstanding patriots like Patricia Shong.
Now click here to get your “Free TB” or “Je Suis TB” shirts to show your support for the greatest of all time. Turtleboy and Tom Brady. Both victims of butthurt oppression. Both fighting until the bitter end.
Click the picture to find out how to get your Free TB or Je Suis TB shirt.
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11 Comment(s)
Je suis TB??? Give me a fucking break. The heroes at Charlie Hebdo had the courage of conviction to put their own names on their work, and champion free speech knowing their lives were daily in danger because they owned their speech. TB’s a cowardly troll, bullying from the shadows, with nothing but a sack of “plausible deniability” where his balls should be.
As a blog, our goal every day is for you to click on our links. Every day Turtleboy wins.
Awesome. Controversy = clicks, right? That makes me more valuable to you than all of the Turtlebots nodding their heads mindlessly in agreement. You should cut me a check for the contribution.
Your day seems to revolve around this place more than the actual fans.
TB’s a cowardly troll, bullying from the shadows, with nothing but a sack of “plausible deniability” where his balls should be.————————– All this coming from an anonymous user name (Carlo Baldino who cries about anonymous screen names and racism while using an anonymous screen name and racism. Typical Carlo, intellectual hypocrite…
I’m shocked. I thought you hippy morons regarded the staff of Charlie Hebdo as a bunch racist, Islamophobic bigots who got what they deserved.
At least, that’s what the 13 year old radicals on Tumblr were saying after the shooting.
Good for her.
You guys should see what some of the comments on Barstool that they let get posted on this story. It’s fucking disgusting. One asshole said burn in hell. Can you fucking believe it? I know we got weird people here in central MA but out there in Bean Town all I can say is WOW and WTF. You fuckers out there in Boston reacting the way you did to this story are the ultimate fuckdarts and when you get a moment; could you please do us a favor and bend over so you can go fuck yourselves. That would be great. Thank you.
I’ve never seen anyone play to the cheap seats from 6 feet under before. You should hire her as a writer.
Some people will take their beliefs to the grave. Rest in Peace
God bless her.