We might have to start going through the obituaries more often, because I’ve seen some great stuff in there recently. But none of them tops this one right here. Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the obituary for Patricia Shong of Auburn, MA – the greatest person who has ever lived:
You might be asking yourself, “What’s so special about this Turtleboy?” Well, check out the second paragraph of the second half of the obituary:
Some of us go quietly into the night. But not Patricia Shong. She went down swinging, and I absolutely love her for it. Tom Brady is an innocent man. She mad it a priority to make sure that was included in her obituary. That was one of her dying thoughts, and I respect the hell out of her for it. She went to the grave knowing that Tom Brady was a persecuted man, and she defended his honor until the very end. Someday I will tell Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess about the greatest quarterback of all time, and the legions of butthurt losers who tried in vain to smear his legacy. But luckily for humanity the legend of Tom Brady lives on, thanks to the fine work of upstanding patriots like Patricia Shong.
Now click here to get your “Free TB” or “Je Suis TB” shirts to show your support for the greatest of all time. Turtleboy and Tom Brady. Both victims of butthurt oppression. Both fighting until the bitter end.