There’s Christmas, and then there’s Christmas in Woonsocket.
That’s how you celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in Rhode Island’s upper asshole.
Let’s go to the play by play.
It begins with Holla Back Horatio being taken to the ground for unknown reasons, when all of a sudden Mikey Mayonnaise starts rolling up his sleeves because he’s decided to jump into the scrum.
He immediately gets throw to the ground by the cops after interfering with a dangerous and volatile situation.
Auntie Emphysema, who appears to be the mother of Mikey Mayonnaise wisely elected to begin yelling, “That’s my fucking kid,” “don’t touch my kid,” and “What did he do,” which almost always leads to the release of the suspect in question. Mikey Mayonnaise wrangled himself free, but the bootleg Wayans Brother continued to resist on the ground. This may be the most Woonsocket screenshot of all time.
Auntie Emphysema wisely yelled, “These crooked ass cops, I’m about to kick in you in the fucking face” and had to be dragged away by her crotch fruit, who for some reason was wearing sandals on Christmas Day, in below freezing temperatures.
Meanwhile Holla Back Horatio was actively resisting arrest while the dick cushion he’s slamming continued to yell “what did he do?”
Meanwhile the Dindu Nuffin mafia was yelling at the cops because it took four of them, while conveniently ignoring that it would only require one cop if Holla Back Horatio would just stop resisting arrest.
Auntie Emphysema continued her All-Star Christmas parenting.
“And they hit junior!! You hit my kid mother fucker!! It’s going DOOOWWWWNNN!!!”
Yes, that should definitely smooth things over. Or so, you would think. Instead Junior ended up in handcuffs….
and Auntie Emphysema was squaring up with the po-po.
Shockingly she didn’t go down quietly either, and sounded like carton of Newport Lights being anally raped by an elephant.
And Christmas would not be compete if Auntie Emphysema also didn’t pick up a charge for resisting arrest, on top of the charge of assault and battery on a cop and interfering with an arrest.
In classic Woonsocket style she wisely elected to show her face in the comments section after cashing in her food stamps and getting bailed out of jail.
Sounds like someone’s gonna be calling Attorney Richard N. Vulva for a free consult tomorrow.
Holla Back Horatio’s real name is Raymond Mcswain, which might be the most ratchet name of all time.
He has a bad habit of driving around Rhode Island without a license.
Nevertheless, the free muh boi patrol was out in full force whining about how the cops had to get a little rough with these chudfucks.
Hey Kevin, the cops threw the “minor” to the ground like trash, because that’s what he is now and always will be in the future – a steaming pile of filthy Woonsocket trash. All they had to do to avoid getting tossed to the ground was put their hands behind their back. Instead they chose to play WWE and they found out the hard way what happens when you do that.
Meanwhile, the cameraman seemed like a real winner too.
You’ll never guess what his big plans are.
You know your rap career is really going places when it requires a $4,000 GoFundMe to get started, and you end up raising $0.
And that, lady’s and gentlemen, is why Santa doesn’t come to Woonsocket.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship.