Bad News For American League: Boston Red Sox Are An Unstoppable Force Of Nature And Will Obviously Make The Playoffs

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I have some bad news for the rest of the American League – the Boston Red Sox are back and they are an unstoppable force of nature.

The boys have won eight of their last nine games. The only other time they got this hot in the season was when they won seven in a row back in late May. Unfortunately that streak came immediately after a 10 game losing streak and was followed by a five game losing streak.

That’s not gonna happen this around though. During that seven game streak the Red Sox had a +19 run differential. During this current skid they have a +39 run differential. They’re simply facializing these teams right now, not just eking out wins like they did in late May. Watching the Red Sox win games like they did in yesterday’s 14-1 curb stomping reminded me that they won the World Series last year for a reason. The rest of the AL should be very fucking afraid right now because the Red Sox are about to run train on this league and we don’t make stops, we run your ass over.

I’ve never given up on this season and neither should you. Look, the Red Sox are benefitting right now from the new playoff format. Without a second Wild Card we would officially have been done weeks ago because of how good the Los Angeles Angels are. Here’s how the WC standings look after last night’s win over the Toronto Blue Jays:

Screen Shot 2014-07-22 at 2.17.46 PM


So we’re six back of the Seattle Mariners, but 12.5 in back of the Angels. Six is doable, but 12.5 isn’t when you’re chasing a team with Mike Trout and Albert Pujols. You see all those teams in front of us? You know what they all have in common? They all blow, except for LA.

The Yankees have a -31 run differential. They have no CC, and no Tanaka. The fact that they’re even above .500 is further proof that Joe Girardi is the best manager in baseball.

The Mariners are a joke. Quick name the second best player in their lineup after Robinson Cano. Kyle fucking Seager. Yea, that’s a lineup that scares you. They’re only at this point because of King Felix and Iwakuma. That’s only gonna get them so far.

The Blue Jays? LOL. This has been a typical Blue Jay year. Get out fast and quickly start to fade when it counts. I’m sure Mark Buehrle will keep dominating life into August and September. Right.

The Indians are the Indians. Their pitching blows and their hitting is led by Michael Brantley. Sounds like a team going nowhere.

We just facialized the Kansas City Royals. If you can’t tell that that’s a fraud team then you must be new to the sport of baseball.

The Chicago White Sox are just happy to be where they’re at at this point. They have two players (Jose Abreau and Chris Sale) worth mentioning. The rest of their team is a joke.

The Rays are our bitch. Their only hope is David Price carrying them, which he won’t be able to do when he faces us because we OWN him. And how about that offense? They don’t have a single player on pace to hit 20 home runs. Not one. Yea, they’re going places.

The rest of the teams are jokes. So the bottom line is we’re in good shape. Unlike all of the teams above the Red Sox have UNDER performed so far. Daniel Nava and Jackie Bradley Jr. were beyond God awful in the first half. Both of them have that summer swagger going right now and they’re both hot as shit.


Shane Victorino just came back from injury. He was a gigantic reason we won the WS last year and he basically hasn’t played all season.

Christian Vazquez instead of AJ Pierzynski is a huge reason we’ve won eight of nine. Not a coincidence that as soon as we got rid of that jamoke everyone else immediately starts playing well.

Dustin Pedroia worries me. But hey, he can’t any worse right? And hitting .280 is a bad season for him. He’s still Pedey and he can still go off at any moment.

Mike Napoli gives the Red Sox a second power bat, and is smashing the ball right now.

Jonny Gomes supports the troops.

Brock Holt is the only player on this team who can’t get any better. Dude is one of the only reasons we’re even in contention at this point.

I still hate Stephen Drew but he has hit lately. Nevertheless give me Xander Bogaerts any day of the week at shortstop.

Oh yea, and Jon Lester is pitching better than he ever has in a Red Sox uniform. Couple that with a reliable John Lackey as a number two, a turnaround from Clay Buchholz (who couldn’t possibly be any worse), and the emergence of Ruby De La Rosa, and you have a better rotation than any of the schmucks in front of you. The trifecta of Junichi Tazawa, Andrew Miller, and Koji Uehara is one of the best bullpen combos in baseball.


Oh yea, and we have one of the greatest players in MLB history who magically is crushing the ball as he gets closer and closer to 40. Bad news for MLB, because David Ortiz made this comment the other day and then immediately crushed two home runs against Toronto:

“I haven’t done (anything) this series, but we end up sweeping it. That’s good. That’s a good sign. My timing’s a little off. But I’m about to get hotter than Jamaica in the middle of August.”

Steroids or not, Papi is a legend. He’s got three rings and literally put the team on his back during all of those runs. Thinking of what he can do with a chip on his shoulder like this gets me moist.

The Red Sox fate is completely in their hands. They have six games left against Baltimore, nine against Toronto, nine against the Yankees, and ten with the Rays. They get four more with Kansas City, and three with Seattle. We don’t need help from other teams. We just need to beat teams that we’re obviously better than. The rest will take care of itself.

Here’s the thing though – you want the division, not the second wild card. The Orioles are only 7.5 in front of us, so it’s basically the same thing as catching Seattle.

Screen Shot 2014-07-22 at 2.17.30 PM

Their goal should be winning the division because losing a one game playoff against the Angels after one of the greatest second half surges ever, would be a real kick in the balls. Might as fucking well win the division right?

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • SUL
    July 23, 2014 at 4:35 am

    The Sox will have a tough time unless they make some moves. Mainly addition by subtraction (see pierzynski). Gomes needs to go, peavy needs to go Drew needs to go. It sucks we will end up paying Drew 8-9 million for basically 1 nice stop up the middle and 2 homeruns but oh well he blows, get rid of him. I still think they need 1 more reliable bat in the outfield, maybe it will be Nava or Victorino stepping up it maybe it’s by trade

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