WTF

Bear Attacking A Deer In Backyard Video Is Insane – Does Central Mass Have A Bear Problem?

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This bear attacking a deer in some family’s backyard has been going viral:

LOL. Call somebody!!! “Hello 911? We got some nature going on in my backyard over here. Not sure what to do about it. Better get down here quick because this bear is being really, really mean. #DeerLivesMatter.”

If you could be any animal in the world, you’d be stupid not to be a bear. What’s not to like? Bears eat whatever they want, whenever they wanna eat it. It is the only carnivore on earth whose life doesn’t suck.

I watch a lot of Nat Geo, and I can tell you with confidence that I would rather be an impala, or a wildebeest, than a lion. A lot of people feel bad for the prey when they get eaten. Not me. To me that’s only fair. When you’re an herbivore you can eat whatever the hell you wanna eat. There will always be plants and you NEVER really have to work for anything. I call this deer privilege. Life is basically handed to you on a platter. Your only job is NOT be the stupid one in your herd that gets eaten by a lion.

But being a lion sucks. There’s no grocery store and everything you try to kill runs faster than you do. Lions die from starvation all the time, but everyone thinks they’ve got it made. They don’t. It’s a myth. It’s literally one of the worst animals you could be born as. It’s a curse.

But what’s not to like about being a bear? First of all, nobody fucks with you. Ever. Secondly, you can eat whatever you wanna eat. Fruit, fish, big ass dear. The world is your buffet.

Oh yea, and the good people of Worcester County should probably start keeping their pets inside, because there’s bears everywhere around here all of a sudden. I was driving down Route 68 in Rutland the other day, coming from Route 122, heading towards town, when all of a sudden along the guardrail I saw this big ass black bear just chillin. So I turned around a parked about 100 yards away and saw his fat ass just moseying along without a care in the world:

Screen Shot 2015-06-15 at 5.02.37 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-15 at 5.02.44 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-15 at 5.02.59 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-15 at 5.03.12 PM

Lucky bastard. I wish I was a bear. No bills to pay. No worries. No commitment. Every day is just fun and games.

There’s been bear sightings all over the place around these parts. Yesterday a driver hit a bear with their car in Ware. Hopefully they stay out there in Warren or Ware, or some other craphole that you’d never, ever wanna go to anyway. I dunno about you, but I’m sick and tired of these bears thinking they can come here and push us around. Turtleboy Sports is now selling anti-bear rocks for $10 each. Email us if you’re interested. They’re 99% guaranteed to keep bears from killing you.

P.S. If you thought the deer screaming was bad, think about the wonderful sounds that Old Balls makes while making love. This won’t seem so bad after that thought.

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14 Comment(s)
  • COB
    June 17, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    That deer sounds exactly like Mrs. Spurts when I’m reaming her from behind! 😀

  • Itinerant Engineer
    June 16, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Bears are god-tier carnivores. Back in the day when blood sports were all the rage, bears were seen as not being very sporting because they killed things like bulls and lions with such ease; they eventually started chaining them to posts during their animal fights to even the odds. (Oh, and if you want to hear about a really fun 17th century blood sport, look up “Fox Tossing”)

    Unfortunately, there are no bears in Africa since the Atlas bear went extinct shortly after the invention of modern firearms. Regardless of the lack of bears, lions are still low-tier African predators. African painted dogs are where it’s at; they get a success rate of around 80% when they go out hunting while lions only manage 10%. The dogs have teamwork that could even put the Patriots to shame, look for their hunting videos on YouTube if you aren’t squeamish.

  • JayC
    June 16, 2015 at 8:35 am

    I love the guy at the end “Call somebody!” He would be the idiot that calls 911 and expect the cops, instead of animal control, to do something and get pissed when they don’t get out and try to counsel the bear about not eating poor the defenseless deer.

  • TruthPill
    June 15, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    https://www.thedodo.com/raccoon-rides-alligator-photo-1202288378.html

    Check that out its a raccoon riding on top of an alligator. Now that mofo has some balls

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    June 15, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    I just love that idiot standing there with a camera asking someone to call for help. Hey moron, why don’t you put the stupid phone down and do it yourself if your so concerned. Not that it’s going to matter as the deer was already pretty much a goner by then. Bears have a tendency to gnaw through the spine to incapacitate it’s prey. Sucks to be the deer, but Mr. Bears gotta eat too….

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      June 15, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Oh yeah, and never mind the fact that idiot is standing near the bear that’s in kill mode. They have a tendency to be defensive around their food. Darwin award potential there……

      • oneopinion
        Hanginpossum
        June 15, 2015 at 9:26 pm

        I was also a little concerned about the filming proximity myself. I was waiting for the selfie. If you’re that close why not?

        I think that I’ve read that humans are prey of last resort due to some combination of poor diet, inactivity, and deodorant but from the Bear’s perspective once the deer is down he wants to protect the carcass from crows, humans, yellow jackets, raccoons etc. Were there antlers on the deer? If so the dude filming was after the only thing that the bear didn’t care about.

  • Finnish Goalie
    June 15, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    It pays to be an omnivore.

  • oneopinion
    Hanginpossum
    June 15, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Bears get most of their food from the picnic baskets that they steal.

    • BobnMic
      June 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      With Boo Boo assisting of course.

  • wesawbearsonce
    June 15, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    Can confirm. Those are bears. 10/10 would see again.

  • BobnMic
    June 15, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    Holy Shit! That Deer sounded just like me on the throne the day after a night of insanely spicy ethnic food…

    • Carlo's Daddy
      June 15, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      ……Or Hooters ghost pepper wings.

  • jay
    June 15, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    If you’re gonna be a monkey, be a mutha fuckin gorilla. Ow Ow ah ah ah ahh

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