So this picture of some poopsmooch proposing to his girlfriend at a wedding is going viral:
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the biggest dooshnozzle who has ever lived. This man embodies everything that is horrible about everything. I mean, what kind of buttnut plans out his proposal at someone else’s wedding, DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF the bride? Look at the table in front of the bride. He put his Goddamn Corona, that SHE is most likely paying for, directly in front of her so that he could completely steal her thunder. It’s like, “I know it’s your big day and all, but I’m gonna turn it into my big day. Now hold my beer, wench.”
The biggest reason this guy is a dooshnozzle is the fact that he took someone else’s big day and turned it into his big day. Anyone who has ever spent any time with a woman before knows that you don’t fuck with a bride on her wedding day. Ever. That’s why it costs $50,000 to have a three hour party. That is how much money it costs to purchase a day in which everyone tells you how pretty you are and treats you like you’re royalty.
Then this asshat comes along with his two sizes too large shirt, and his dumbass grin, and usurps the bride’s big day. Have you noticed how tight her dress is? Do you understand how long it probably took her to wedge those honches into that thing? Do you realize she hasn’t exhaled for two and half hours? I mean, just look at the bride’s face. That is what an “I am going to murder you in your sleep” smile looks like.
I’m just wondering why this girl said yes. Did she just reach the point of her life where her ovaries are one step closer to expiration and she realized that this was as good as it was gonna get? Because who would ever wanna hitch their wagon to someone with such poor judgement? Unless your parents left the cabinet under the kitchen sink unlocked when you were a toddler, you know damn well not to fuck with the bridge on her wedding day. Personally, I stay clear of all brides at weddings for fear of not complimenting them in the right way.
But by the grace of God this numbnuts has gone 30 something years without getting the memo. Who could EVER wanna marry someone with such little common sense?
The funny part about it is he probably thought he was being Mr. Swa-vay. I mean, what better place to propose to the love of your life than at a place where love blooms. He thought every woman in that place would say, “awwww, that’s so romantic” and secretly wish they were the ones getting proposed to. In reality, every single woman at that wedding wanted to rip his oversized fluorescant blue shirt off and shove it directly up his ass.
The couple, who is only identified as being from Iowa, has come up with a story to justify their idiocy. The woman in pink who was proposed to is the sister of the bride. She’s trying to say that it was all the bride’s idea:
“My fiancé told her he didn’t want to ruin their day and she insisted it would only make it better!”
YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Anyone who believes that has fallen for at least three Nigerian email scams. First of all, there’s no way a bride would EVER agree to that. But more importantly, even if this nudnik did have the indecency to approach the bride with his idiotic proposal scheme, he should’ve realized that any answer she gave him wouldn’t be honest. Obviously she was just being polite, but on the inside she hated this asshat’s guts for even having the minerals to ask her that. Now she’s stuck with him on every Christmas for an eternity.
I suppose since the genius sister actually believed her too, that these two morons were meant to spend eternity with each other.