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Everyone in Worcester is buzzing about this video of two slug rakes on a 4-wheeler who smashed into a parked SUV in downtown Worcester and then promptly took off……on LIVE TV!!!
These two nudniks have to be the dumbest people in Worcester, which in and of itself is quite an accomplishment. That’s like being called the biggest scumbag in Southbridge, or the biggest dooshnozzle from Cambridge. This is why Worcester can’t have nice things. Hey geniuses, ya know those people who asked you if you were OK before you drove off? Did you notice that one of them was holding a microphone, another was holding a giant camera pointed at you, and there was a news van parked behind them? Yea, I’m sure running away will solve all your problems because no one saw a thing.
Newsflash idiots – the roads SUCK right now. We’ve got a bunch of hardworking dudes driving plows around trying to clean them up so normal people can drive on them normally. The Patriots just won the Super Bowl – do you think they wanna be out there right now? Nope. But they are. And what do you do? Make everyone’s job more difficult in a vain attempt to show us what badasses you are. The only people who should be out there right now are people who are coming to and from work. But apparently you just couldn’t resist showing everyone in Worcester how big your balls are because you can drive around in a 4-wheeler in a snow storm with no regard for your life. Congratulations. You must have really, really big penises. We’re all very impressed.
And what the hell were they doing in downtown Worcester? Hey geniuses, if you’re gonna be reckless on one of those things, at least do it in the woods. Then when you fall down after smashing into a tree you’ll get eaten by a wolf. Darwinism 101. Google it. Instead you’re driving a four-wheeler in a crowded urban area during a snow storm. We’re all really, really impressed.
Oh yea, and even though I don’t know who either of these two numbnuts are yet, here’s what I do know:
- They’re between the ages of 16-22
- They love the Summer Nationals
- They have Voke-staches, composed primarily of dirt and pubes
- There is a good chance one of them is from Spencer
- They can’t wait for the Big E
- They have never missed a Get Down Productions concert
- They own several cut-off confederate flag t-shirts
- They never played sports growing up and disappointed their parents who no longer love them
- Before getting into four-wheeling they were big time into skateboarding
- They generally think anything involving loud noises is cool
- They think helmets are for pussies
So my question is, how long until they get caught? As far as I know there’s no way to identify who owns the four-wheeler by just watching that video. There’s also very little identifiable characteristics about the two morons. They’re average height and they’re white. If they were 7 foot tall Chinese twins this might be a little easier.
Basically they’re not gonna get caught until they start talking. And there is a 160% chance that they’ll talk. These two are on the bottom rung of the evolutionary ladder. There’s no way they’re not gonna brag about this to their boys. Naturally they’ll assume that when they tell their friends, “dude, you can’t tell anyone,” that their friends will honor that request. But they won’t. Then it will become common knowledge, the police will find out their names. When they’re questioned they’ll completely fuck up their stories. And like the dumbasses they are they’ll forget that they have a right to not incriminate themselves and ask for a lawyer and they’ll completely shoot themselves in the foot.
So what do you think? How long until they get caught, and what should the punishment be when they are caught? Turtleboy Sports has already exposed the hippie protesters who blocked Kelley Square. It would be pretty dominant if a turtle rider out there somehow cracked this case. Do it. Ride the turtle.
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