Bill Belichick Smiled Exactly 7 Times This Year; Probably 8 After Patriots Defecate On Colts

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If New England is upset by Indianapolis in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs Saturday, Patriots coach Bill Belichick won’t be smiling in the postgame news conference. If the Patriots defeat the Colts, Belichick most likely won’t be smiling.

Belichick has, deservedly, earned a reputation as the game’s most savvy head coach—as well as its most crotchety. When the coach is talking to reporters after a game (win or loss), the atmosphere feels more like a presser for an oil spill than a football contest. With this in mind, The Count decided to put on a number on just how grumpy Belichick is after games by using the only available statistic: smiles.

Watching video of every Patriots postgame news conference from this season, we counted seven incidents where Belichick smiled. This study surveyed 114.5 minutes of footage, so he smiles at a rate of once every 16 minutes—and keep in mind this is a season where New England won 12 games and the AFC East title. Here’s a smile-by-smile breakdown:


Smile 1: Oct. 13. After beating the Saints in dramatic, come-from-behind fashion, Belichick smiled when he opened the meeting with an apology for forcing the reporters to rewrite their game stories. He then frowned for the next 13 minutes.

Smiles 2 & 3: Oct. 27. What most tickles Belichick’s funny bone? Tom Brady‘s running ability. He smiled twice while talking about his slow-footed quarterback’s key 8-yard scramble for a first down in a win over the Dolphins.

Smile 4: Nov. 24. Former Patriot linebacker Rosevelt Colvin surprised his old coach in the press room with a question about who was the best linebacker he ever coached from the city of Indianapolis. Belichick said Colvin and then laughed (the only documented laugh).

Smile 5: Dec. 8. At the end of the news conference following a wild comeback win over the Browns, Belichick smiled at his own joke about how, in addition to practicing comebacks, the team should practice not falling behind, too.

Smiles 6 & 7: Dec 29. The end of the season brought two smiles: first, when he made a sarcastic comment that Brady has helped the team “a couple times in the past”; second, when he made a crack about how cornerback Aqib Talib was the “assistant pro personnel director” for suggesting the team get running back LeGarrette Blount, his old teammate in Tampa.

The clearest takeaway from all this: Patriots losses are a complete no-smile zone. But if the Patriots go on to win the Super Bowl this season, we should get that eighth Belichick grin—maybe.


Typical anti-Belichick propaganda. Nothing new to see here. Belichick doesn’t smile? What a meanie!! The mainstream media likes to poop on the Hooded Ones’ parade because it’s the thing to do. He feeds the media shit and keeps them in the dark. He doesn’t do Papa John’s commercials. He doesn’t give a good interview. He makes himself a target of every media troll. But guess what? Belichick gives absolutely zero f***s what the media or anybody thinks of him. He’ll just keep winning and let them do the talking.

First of all, every time he does this

Screen Shot 2014-01-10 at 6.14.38 PM

He has to ice up for three hours.

Maybe Belichick would smile more if his insatiable desire to win it all was quenched more often. He’s a perfectionist – the Soup Nazi of NFL coaches. But when that special moment comes, he smiles. He’s only human being after all. Keep in mind, there’s been plenty of reason for him NOT to smile since he started coaching here in 2001. I could think of a million things that would make Belichick smile more:

Tight ends that don’t kill tons of people

Tight ends that don’t always get injured

Tight ends that are supposed to be the next big thing in training camp who don’t turn out to be sucky guys who fumble on sides kicks in the clutch.

His dime-piece


Wide receivers who don’t injure their groins

Wide receivers who make the Jets look like a normal team

Running backs who don’t fumble all the time

When half his team isn’t out for the season with injuries

When Peyton Manning’s idiot little brother plays better than Peyton Manning twice in his career and then can’t beat the Cowboys

Referees who let tight ends be molested in the end zone and cost him the games against the Panthers

Referees who enforce made up, never-been-called-before, penalties and cost him games against the Jets

When his collection of receivers don’t drop every ball thrown at them

When Pacman Jones doesn’t make it rain and end Brady’s touchdown streak

The list goes on and on. If you know anything else that can get Belichick smiling then leave it in the comments.

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