Sports

Bob Kraft Is a Giant Dooshnozzle If Darrelle Revis Goes To Jets

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Screen Shot 2015-03-10 at 4.42.43 PM

I knew this was gonna happen. That’s why we yelled at Bob Kraft that he better pay him when we were at the Patriots victory parade last month:

I absolutely hate Bob Kraft. And I’m so, so sick of everyone talking about what a great owner he is. He’s not. He’s got four Super Bowl rings for one reason and one reason alone – the best quarterback in NFL history agreed to be underpaid year after year because his wife is a billionaire supermodel so money doesn’t matter to Tom Brady. That’s it. Without Brady this team doesn’t win shit.

There was absolutely no reason not to pick up Darrelle Revis’ option. As you saw last year, a shutdown corner is the most valuable commodity in the NFL after a stud quarterback. Do you remember seeing Revis during the Super Bowl? Because I don’t. That’s how you know a corner is doing their job. The other team doesn’t throw at them. Just think of how atrocious the Patriots pass D has been the past few years before 2014, and then look at what Revis did for them. Give him WHATEVER he wants.

Cincinnati Bengals v New England Patriots

And the next time you hear a person call him “Mr. Kraft” like he’s your eighth grade chemistry teacher, do everyone a favor and punch them in the face. Dooshnozzle charges me $40 to park and now he’s cheeping out on the best shutdown corner in the NFL so he can save a couple bucks. Anyone who continues to refer to him as Mr. Kraft is a nudnik of epic proportions.

I don’t blame Darrelle Revis for one second either. Fuck that. Too many chumps have taken pay cuts to play for the Patriots because of the “Patriot way” and blah, blah, blah. Newsflash – the “Patriot way” means you play for less than market value because you get to be on Tom Brady’s team and you’re coached by Bill Belichick. That’s the only appealing part about the “Patriot way.” Life is too short to play for millions of dollars less than you can make with another team and the government takes over half your money, so if I’m Revis I take every single penny I can get regardless of destination.

One more thing. If Revis does sign with the Jets, can you even celebrate that as a Jets fan? I mean, your star player realized he couldn’t win with you so he skipped town and went to your division rival, used them to get a Super Bowl, and then you took him back with open arms. Imagine David Ortiz going to the Yankees for a year, winning the World Series, and then coming back to Boston. I’d feel like a chump rooting for him, because that’s exactly what I’d be if I did. Oh yea, and even with Revis the Jets still have no chance of winning a Super Bowl because your quarterback is Geno Smith, and your head coach is some guy no one has ever heard of before.

P.S. If the Patriots end up signing him then it’s all because Bob Kraft wanted to make me look like a schmuck.

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12 Comment(s)
  • Yes
    March 12, 2015 at 8:38 am

    LOL!

  • Woodiculous
    March 11, 2015 at 5:03 am

    Oops! Oh well, at least the Jets blew a huge amount of money but still have no legitimate quarterback., and the likihood of getting one is diminished now. If we has to lose Revis, this was the way to do it.

  • RSoxGuy
    March 10, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    He ended up with 3 yrs for $70 MILL, 39 guaranteed. I dont think they could have matched that. Browner is gone also. Our D is in horrible shape heading into the draft. We dont even have any real talent to trade that wouldn’t devastate our team even more.

    As much i would love to get Andre Johnson, he doesn’t play CB.

    We cant expect to put up 35+ points a game every week. As much as it pains me to say it, Brady may have won his last ring.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      March 10, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      It’s killing me to agree with you.

    • Finnish Goalie
      March 11, 2015 at 6:34 am

      How about that $20 million option for one more go?

  • Jafreese
    March 10, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Never fault the players for taking more elsewhere, but of course I want them to stay with the Pats for a bit less. I just don’t get how Brady can take a cut and not be pissed if they don’t resign players like this. Watching that secondary give up big plays on 3rd and long was torture for the few years before Revis got here. Hope we don’t go back to that

  • Tom Brady
    March 10, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Jesus, how many fucking ads do you need? I can’t tell what’s part of the blog and what isn’t. I know you’re unemployed, but maybe you should suck a few cocks on South Main to save the integrity of the articles!

    • Anthony
      March 10, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      How many articles are you going to waste your time trolling?

  • FACTMAN
    March 10, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Revis actually wanted to go to jets last year but the jets didn’t want him. Also, pats win 3 superbowls before Jizzelle started sucking brady off so…..

    • Anthony
      March 10, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      Lol Giselle isn’t the reason this is the only pats super bowl in 10 years. Literally the only impact she has is Tom frequently takes less money in part because of her, which is a good thing.

  • Woodiculous
    March 10, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    Revis Island will be back in Foxboro. The same exact thing happened with McCourty ( also one of the best at his position on the market). It gives Revis the freedom to gauge market value and come back with negotiating power for a longer term deal, one which he will get, albeit structured to lower the cap hit.

    Kraft GAVE Revis this flexibility by not picking up the 1 year option. Now Revis can weigh all of the angles and decode for himself where he wants to be and for how much.

  • BobnMic
    March 10, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Revis has to be a signing. He’s too valuable and I doubt that the Pats would have gone as far as they did without him to reach XLIX Super Bowl awesomeness last year.

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