Bob Kravitz Offers Hilarious, Bullshit Apology For Deflategate

bob kravitz memes

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Another person who has been extremely quiet about Jerry Rice admitting that he cheated his entire NFL career by using stickum, is the king of yellow journalism himself – Bob Kravitz.

bob kravitz memes

Remember him? He’s the chump who initially broke the “Deflategate” story. It all started with this Tweet:

At the time Bobby was an irrelevant loser without the blue Twitter checkmark. Since then he’s seen his Twitter followers increase five fold. Obviously he has deep-fried himself in attention.

But since Deflategate has been proven to completely bullshit, and since Jerry Rice, a 3-time Super Bowl champion, has admitted to cheating his entire career by using stickum, shouldn’t Bobby be the first one to pretend to be outraged about stickumgate? We asked him about it.

No response. Because that’s what cowards do. They don’t shut up when they’re the center of attention, and then they cower when they’re proven to be frauds.

Well today Kravitz published one of the dumbest bullshit apologies I’ve ever read. And quite frankly I expected nothing less. Here’s a couple gems from this masterpiece:

I am not in the least bit sorry about breaking DeflateGate, even if it’s cluttered my Twitter timeline and included vicious shots at me and my family. I got it from a great source. I confirmed it with another great source. I knew with 100 percent certainty that it was right, that there was an investigation into the possibility the Patriots had deflated their footballs, although, until the NFL officially confirmed the investigation the following Monday morning, I wasn’t able to relax. That’s part of my job, breaking the occasional story.

Yea Bob, who’s your source? Because quite frankly the whole thing sounds made up. The NFL has come out and said that your source is a bold faced lying muff sandwich. And you knew with 100% certainty they were right? 100%? Ya see the thing about 100% is it’s true 100% of the time. I’m not a rocket scientist, but how can you still be 100% it’s true when it’s been proven to be untrue? Mind fuck.

bob kravitz memes deflategate

And newsflash Bobby – you didn’t “break” any stories. You reported a lie. That’s all it was from the beginning. A lie. But since we’re living in an age where reporters try to make a name for themselves by being the first jagoff to tweet some bullshit rumor their buddy told them, I guess it was pretty par for the course.

The thing is, you didn’t just break the story though – you made sweet, sweet love to it. Does this look like the kind of thing someone would say that is just “reporting” the news?

Because to me that sounds like a butthurt loser trying to justify his own existence.

Yea, that’s not a guy trying to report the news. That’s a guy trying to fan the flames of hatred towards the Patriots so he’d become a household name. And it worked perfectly I must say.

What I can’t stand from him is this whole, “even if it’s cluttered my Twitter timeline and included vicious shots at me and my family.”

Shut the fuck up. You brought this upon yourself. First of all, act like you’ve been there before dooshnozzle. You realize how many times a day people take vicious shots at every person they THINK is a Turtleboy writer? Have you ever been to Buffalo? I wouldn’t recommend going because you’d literally curl up in a ball and die there. We don’t whine about it though. It’s all in the game yo. When you put yourself out there by saying ridiculous shit on the Internet, this is what happens. Kids in their Mom’s basement say dumb shit to you on the Internet. It’s literally the most harmless thing in the world and you’re acting like a wounded naniburger.

Then he throws in shit like this:

Oh you’re being threatened by an imaginary lawsuit? What’s that like? If I had a nickel for every time someone threatened me with an imaginary lawsuit I could afford a season’s pass to the Big E. Welcome to the mother fucking show Bob. And then this one made me laugh:

Oh I’m sorry, a keyboard tough guy made fun of because you’re Jewish? Must be hard to get through the day. You can imagine how difficult it is for our writers when they’re constantly accused of giving our magical turtle the Mississippi Meathook.

tom brady deflategate memes

After spending half of his brilliant bullshit apology defending his actions, he finally threw this one in there:

I tweeted that if ESPN’s Chris Mortensen report was right – if 11 of 12 footballs were two pounds-per-square inch deflated below the number mandated by the NFL – then heads should roll, specifically the one belonging to Bill Belichick.

No Bob, you never said “if” the Patriots deflated 11 of the 12 footballs. In fact you came out and said that you were certain they did it time and time again:[amazon text=Amazon&asin=][amazon template=add to cart&asin=]

Later in the “apology” he abruptly changed course:

I thought it was implied, quite strongly, that penalties should only be levied if the Patriots were found guilty of toying with the integrity of the game, but I failed to establish that clearly in those tweets and in my columns. Thus, it appeared I was calling for Belichick’s head and other penalties before any investigation was completed. Clearly (or maybe not so clearly), I would never call for Aaron Hernandez to get a life sentence before he got his day in court, and I did not mean to suggest that Belichick and the Patriots should be penalized before an investigation was complete. But that’s the way it came out, and for that, I apologize.

I am a professional communicator, and as a professional communicator, I failed miserably there. I’m not one who blames the reader for a misunderstanding; it’s incumbent upon me, as a writer or broadcaster, to use my words wisely, whether in a column or a tweet. I have to wear that one. I own that one. .

You’re a “professional” communicator? LOL. That’s a good one. You don’t blame the reader for a misunderstanding? Because it sure sounded like you did with this tweet:

Finally he left us with this Pulitzer:

My favorite is the recent talk that the Colts were part of some conspiracy to deflate the ball, or balls, in an effort to embarrass the Patriots. ESPN’s Adam Schefter recently went on Boston’s WEEI and said there are people around the league who believe the Colts concocted this whole thing. I don’t doubt that he’s telling the truth – I’m sure there are conspiracy theorists out there – but I’m not buying it that it was a massive set-up, not for a second.

So let me get this straight. You have ZERO problem believing a conspiracy theory that the Patriots deflated footballs in the bathroom, in a game where they didn’t need to cheat to win. But at the same time you’re not buying into the possibility that the one ball that was actually deflated might’ve been deflated intentionally by your precious Colts?

LOL. You’re still a fraud Bob. Everyone knows that. You’re a national joke and a disgrace to journalism. Meanwhile we’re Super Bowl Champions. Again. You lose.

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5 Comment(s)
  • Jerrell Freeman
    August 4, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    Good god this article is discusting. Turns out Kravitz was more than 100% right too. If anything, you owe him a major apology for this sad excuse of an article. But unlike Kravitz’s work, nobody reads yours so I guess it doesn’t matter.

  • Just a fan
    August 4, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Came across this article when I googled “Bob Kravitz” because I am so disgusted by him. It is six months after your post and we are beginning to hear calls for Chris Mortensen’s head and I want to know what about Bob “I am confident in my source unless it is not true in which case please don’t call me mean names” Kravitz? In my opinion he is just as deserving of the blame. He started a modern day witch hunt and needs to accept responsibility for his actions as do Mortensen, Kensil, Wells and Roger “Goodtimes” Goodell.

    Please don’t let him crawl out of the spotlight now that the spotlight is on his “integrity”.

  • Paul
    February 11, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    Go get him Turtleboy. Everyone and anyone with a brain knows that this whole deflated football(s) story was a sham. Funny how Kravitz is yet to write a story showing that only ONE of the 12 footballs was 2 psi under the minimum allowed. Oh yeah, and it just so happens to be the ball that the Colts had in their posession. What’s the matter Kravitz, tired of the Patriots absolutely owning your Colts over the past 15 years? I bet you had a patented Peyton Manning “I just got caught humping he cat” look on your face after the Pats won SB 49.

  • Dqwell Jackson
    February 10, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    You have the mind of a child.

    • Beetle
      February 11, 2015 at 8:52 am

      Well.. He is turtleBOY… Not turtleMAN….

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