Do you remember when Gofundme’s explicit service was collecting donations for legitimate charitable causes and emergencies? Yeah, me neither. Now it’s just chock full of grade-A horse shit like this ultra worthy cause:

Seems legit. She’s an “upcoming” model who has a nondescript modeling job waiting for her on the other side of the country, and she’s doing it all for young girls all over the world, so they can learn to do whatever this shit is.

What a shining beacon of example for girls everywhere. Don’t be shy, whip your tits out everywhere, snap a photo with your camera phone and upload it to the internet, and you too can be a model  greasy skank with an Instagram account.

If you honestly think you can make a living off of smoking bongs in your underwear and posing in the doorway of your low income apartment dressed like a Phish concert passaround, let me be the first to congratulate you on your free lifetime short bus pass. Try to refrain from licking the windows. But she really does seem committed to the fantasy of being a white trash bootleg Kate Moss.

“Some day I’ll make the cover of Tractor Supply weekly!”

But hey, this is a realistic career plan, right? There’s no way that a half naked lesbian stoner scuzzqueen with pictures that look like onion soup mix smells could ever fail in pursuit of a modeling career. You all better jump onto this opportunity! What better investment can you find on the internet, than $5,000 to help this claptrap pack up some black trashbags filled with clothes and bongs, grab her equally classy muff marauder of the month,

and relocate with their “I collect social security and drink handles of Rubinoff vodka in my pajamas all day” starter pack,

To pursue a modeling career she is deluded enough to think a complete lack of shame and self-awareness and photo filters will get her? Shut up and take my money, lady! This surely will work out well. What super model doesn’t start off in a perpetual haze of weed smoke and cat urine? This is destiny.

To her credit, it’s not that scabby Gabby hasn’t been trying to save up by herself, she’s just been stricken with the horrible, totally unforseen tragedy of living expenses that just don’t resolve themselves. Clearly she has a really promising career here:

You can tell she’s doing big things, because her marketing materials consist of construction paper and highlighter. Really impressive stuff.

I know it may come off as catty and cruel, but I’m ok with that, because somebody needs to tell these kids the truth. Life is completely opposite of everything your parents, your teachers, and the media has taught you. No, you can’t be anything you dream of. Your options are not endless, and just because you dream it does not mean you can do it. Selling visual access to your flapjacks and cock cave for the bargain price of $26.00 a month does not make you a promising up and coming model – it makes you a skag with a camera phone who isn’t going to be particularly desirable to any potential employers, ever. No amount of stranger’s pity donation cash is ever, ever going to change that. Go ahead, be ambitious, but not deluded. The world owes you nothing, and your dreams are shit. That’s reality. I really want to believe she knows this and the GoPoundMe is just a big scam, but….

She seems alarmingly serious.

On the bright side, though, they’re always hiring CNAs, and that’s one job that requires little more than a pair of glorified pajamas and a pulse. There’s a realistic option!

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