Brandon Workman Suspended, David Price Not Suspended Is Officially Biggest Asshole In Sports

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MLB has suspended Red Sox right-hander Brandon Workman six games for throwing a pitch at Rays third baseman Evan Longoria on Friday.

Workman didn’t actually hit Longoria, as the pitch instead went behind him, but both teams had already been warned after David Price hit David Ortiz with a pitch earlier in the game. Workman claimed afterward that “the ball was slick and it slipped out of my hand.”

Also noteworthy: Price was not suspended for actually hitting Ortiz with a pitch, presumably because there had yet to be a warning issued. It’s also possible that MLB determined Price didn’t act on purpose, although Price’s comments afterward certainly suggested he had.


I really thought this was a joke at first. So let me get this straight – David Price blatantly hits David Ortiz on purpose, admits doing so after the game, gets warned, and then hits Mike Carp causing a dugout emptying yelling fest. He gets no suspension. Brandon Workman blatantly throws at Evan Longoria, completely misses, and gets a six game suspension? Yea that makes a whole lot of sense.

My question is, has David Price become public enemy #1 in Boston sports? Because I’m having a hard time finding anyone else that I hate more. My biggest problem with this guy is, who the fuck do you think you are dude? You wanna hit Mike Carp? Go for it. You wanna nail David Ortiz because he smashed the cover off the ball the last time he saw you? Grow the fuck up. Ortiz is a Hall of Famer. Legendary. He can stare at his home runs all he wants. Don’t like it? Try striking him out.

His comments after Ortiz went on his rant about the Red Sox and Rays having a “war” were self righteous I wanted to throw up:

“Kellen Winslow got a lot of crap for saying he was a soldier. You’re not a soldier. This is not war. We have troops fighting for us that are in a war. It’s not a good comparison.”

Oh God. Shut the fuck dude. Newsflash David Price – we are all well aware that baseball is the furthest thing from an actual war where people die. It’s a figurative term that Jonny Gomes uses all the time to convince pink hats he’s a valuable baseball player. But man, you’re just so fucking noble for setting the record straight on that one. Where would we be without you to point out that you’re above such “war” talk?


He wasn’t done though…


“Sometimes, the way [Ortiz] acts out there, he kind of looks like he’s bigger than the game,” Price said. “That’s not the way it is, not the way it goes. … Nobody’s bigger than the game of baseball. You ask pitchers from 10, 15, 20 years ago — that’s normal, part of the game.”

Oh look, more UNWRITTEN RULES of baseball. I swear baseball players are insufferable with this shit. You can’t steal third base while you’re up by five in the seventh inning. You have to plunk a guy if one of your guys gets plunked. You can’t celebrate your home runs. Newsflash – these rules aren’t real. You don’t have to protect them like they’re the holy fucking grail.

How exactly does he look like he’s bigger than the game? Because he looks at his home runs? At TurtleBoy Sports you know our stance about losers who whine about how the other team acts when they win. Our policy is pretty clear – if you don’t like the way they’re celebrating, or if you don’t like the other team running up the score on you, then STOP FUCKING LETTING THEM SCORE!! When Papi hits a ball out of the park what exactly is he supposed to do? Bow his head and trot the bases quietly? Because it sounds like David Price’s ideal baseball player is J.D. fucking Drew.


And what the fuck has David Price ever accomplished in his life? Your career ERA is 3.28. Not bad. Your career ERA in the playoffs is 5.06. How bout you shut the fuck up about David Ortiz until you figure that out. Ortiz his over .600 last year in quite possibly the most dominant playoff performance in MLB history. He’s won three world series, and hit 17 postseason runs in the process. You’re not on his level. You haven’t earned the right to think you can plunk Papi because he looks at the ball after facializing your weak sauce.

Then he threw this gem in there:

“For as many people as I quote-unquote ‘lost respect from,’ I gained respect from a lot more people,” Price said. “And I know that’s a fact.”

How old is this idiot? Papi says he lost respect for him and his response is “I know a lot of people who respect me now, but YOU don’t them, and that’s a fact, so….” That’s a comeback I used to use in middle school bro. “Everyone else thinks you’re dumb too.” Grow up asshole.

The bottom line is this. After the game Price claimed he didn’t drill Papi and Carp intentionally. Now he’s saying that he came into that game already with a chip on his shoulder because he’s still butthurt about Papi staring at the home run he smashed off of Price in October. Therefore he is fully admitting that he had animosity towards Papi when he drilled him. That is definitive proof that it was an intentional beaning.

And another thing I hate about Price is his loud mouthed prostitute girlfriend. First of all her name is Tiffany Nicole, which means she beat the odds and didn’t become a stripper. You might as well be named Amber Lynn. So at least she’s got that going for her. But last October she was at Fenway as Papi smashed two bombs off of her idiot boyfriend in a 7-4 cream pie. Apparently she didn’t like the fans from her box seats at Fenway:

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.25.00 PM Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.30.44 PM

First of all, you’re sitting in box seats babe. That’s the wine and cheese crowd at it’s finest. If you’re flustered by them then you should find a boyfriend who does the ballet. God forbid this idiot ever has to watch a game in Philadelphia. Or God forbid Buffalo ever gets a baseball team. Then after the home second home run she had this to say:

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.25.18 PM

Pimped the crap out of the home run? That’s called baseball hun. Look, we welcome female fans at sporting events, but you can’t act like a girl. This is what men do when they hit a baseball out of the park. Deal with it.

For example, don’t do this…

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.52.44 PM


On the other hand, feel free to do more of this…

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.52.54 PM

Her and Price are perfect for each other too. Here’s what he had to say after respected baseball writer Tom Verducci criticized his 5+ ERA in the playoffs:

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 6.27.18 PM

Yea nerdlinger!!! Go back to your warcraft and dungeons and dragons. Luckily Price will never, ever be considered Hall of Fame material so he won’t have to worry about these guys holding this against him in 15 years when his name gets dropped off the ballot. Him and Tiffany Nicole can sit around making fun of nerds on Twitter and call real Hall of Famers ugly until they get divorced and she takes him to the cleaners.

So in the end the final score is David Price intentionally hitting one Boston player, and possibly a second in Carp. Workman hit NO Tampa players, although he did TRY to hit one. Price wasn’t ejected. Workman was. And somehow Price comes out of this with no suspension while Workman gets six games? Cool story bro.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.








4 Comment(s)
  • June 3, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    This whole mess makes it even more obvious that baseball is an inferior sport

    • Joey G
      June 4, 2014 at 9:11 am

      I’m still scratching my head over the fact that Tiffany Nicole is somehow not a stripper

      • Ugly Ho
        June 4, 2014 at 9:35 am

        She’s too ugly to strip, she tried it but men kept throwing pennies at her…..

        • Joey G
          June 4, 2014 at 11:36 am

          Makin’ it HAIL, BITCHES!!

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